HELP! Distressed mommy.

My son is 4 years old, and has been referred to a center for testing for Asperger's. I have been in extreme denial about this, but I'm starting to suspect it now that I'm noticing his behaviors more, and the fact that everyone involved in his care including his pediatrician, behavior therapist, teachers, OT, speech and physical therapists. I'm short on time, so I will post his behaviors I'm concerned about at a later time, but I did want to ask now if having BM accidents often is common for a young child with AS. He knows to go in the toilet, he just won't do it!  Sometimes he will, but alot of times he doesn't want to. I accidently made the suggestion that he might be scared of the toilet, and he heard me and it turned into he's scared of the bathroom. But he goes in there to pee and doesn't have a problem. I'm already thinking that something is going to have to be done about his diet. He gets constipated very easily, and he seems to be having trouble going. When he does sit on the toilet, he only manages to go a little and then a few minutes later he has to go again...and this will continue for a while. I've had to take him off of cow's milk. He was getting constipated all the time so I switched him to lactose free and that didn't work, so he is now on soy which seems to be fine. I feel so overwhelmed about this whole Asperger's thing because I know very little about it and I'm scared for my son's future. I don't know how to treat him now as far as dicipline and other things go. How do I get him to stop repeating himself? Or is that something I have to just deal with? He seems to have so much trouble understanding ppl and he so socially awkward. How do I teach him things? How does and Aspie think?!  Ok I was only going to ask one question but got carried away.  AHHHHH so many questions!  You can see this keeps me up and anxious alot.  If there are any older Aspies here that wouldn't mind messaging me and talking with me about this and my worries. I just really want to be able to understand this and raise my son the best way for HIM. I don't know what behaviors to dicipline and what behaviors he can't help.  Oh, and the pooping in the underwear thing is wearing me out. I'm tired of washing his underwear all the time, but I don't want to regress back to pull ups. I just now started making him clean himself up, thinking that will get him to go in the toilet. Ok ok...I'll shut up now.  

[CrzyBeautiful1]

Oh, and the BM thing...just to clarify myself, it isn't that he is having to go often, its that he is going to the toilet several times just to let out ONE bm. He'll crouch and dance around like he's uncomfortable and thats how I know he has to go. He gets upset when I tell him to go sit on the toilet. Every once in a while he'll just go to the toilet on his own and I get so surprised. He get bubble gum for those times.   Anyway, just wanted to clarify the BM thing.

[twinkleblazzer]

Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from. Wish I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with you and give you a big hug.
Asking questions is the beginning of the process you will go through to learn all about your son and how to care for him.
My daughter is now 21 and things do get better over time. But the more you learn about how your son learns and thinks and feels the better you will be able to make this world a safer place for him to live. Yes, the whole BM thing is very common with children with Autism (and Asperger's). They often have intestinal problems which you can read about either on line or in books. Can't think of one right off hand, sorry. Just so you know, the whole underwear thing....I understand....I got tired of it too....but I know after several years it isn't a problem any more. I know diet had alot to do with it and from what I've read having too much Yeast  in their bodies can be a problem too. Their are specialized pediatricians that can help with these problems and help get him on the right track to healing the body. They are called DAN dr's. you can look them up online. I know it's not always available to everyone, but worth looking in to.
There are lots of good sites to read about Asperger's and try to understand your son. You can also look for a Parent's of Asperger Syndrome Kids (PASK) group near you. They may go by a different name in your area, but this group helped me a great deal.
Take care, ask anything you want here...I'll try to follow up so I can help if you'd like.
Give yourself a big hug....
Take care,
Carolyn

[Dazon50]

:-))  Adding my sentiments in the mixture also.  My oldest is 26 now & she used to do what we termed..the "potty dance".  I despaired at one point of getting her toilet trained...so I say it was a definitely miracle like event when it finally happened.  

I used M&M's after watching someone at an Autism School in Co. do that.  For us, it helped...others it may not.

Wishing you the best with finding what works for you and if you want, you are more than welcome to add me to your list.  

:-)),
Donna

[CrzyBeautiful1]

Carolyn and Donna,

Thank you sooooo very much for your help and advice. :)  It feels good to know I'm not the only one (or have been) going through this. I will definitely look into the support group. I think it would help me out a great deal. And Donna, we also call Christian's the "potty dance" also. lol.

[Dazon50]

:-))))