Help for 7 year old

I have a  bright 7 year old, with very high levels of imagination and physical ability.
Since he was 4 we have been getting complaints from carers that he is disruptive ( this is usually when he is in a large group setting or when he doesn't know that other children), answering back not doing as he is told, He often won't answer the question asked or will give an answer from an imaginary world, particularly when he is under pressure or thhreatened.
He doesn't like to do much in the same way that the other children are doing it ( faces backwards wen he should be frorwards, lies down when he should be sitting up, Won't answer questions in class that he thinks everyone else will know the answer to .etc)
Lately he has been becoming extremely distressed when being told off at school, he has threatened one child and hurt another, and we can't get at why. He seems desperate for attention and not to mind whether it is the good or the bad kind but then becomes horrified when his behaviour draws negative reaction from his classmates.
He has half a dozen or so sets of good friends that he plays well with (sometimes for days at a time) and one good friend at school but other than occasionally playing with wider groups in the schoolyard, I think he and his friend are seen as loners.
Last week he was brought to me outside school in hysterics and had apparently been upset for the majority of the day because he had been caught threatening the child (mentioned above) His distressed state began to upset the other children and he was sent to sit outside the head mistresses's office, where he began to bite himself and bang his head off his hands and threaten to kill himself (This is something he has also done in his after school club) A coucillor has suggested he may have some mild form of Aspergers syndrome. Please dont tell me I have a naughty child, because I really dont beleive that when he gets in a state he has any control over what he is saying or doing.
Help

[isthiscp]

Has your son seen anyone ie psychologist etc? It sounds like it may be a good idea to have him seen to by one. He has issues and I dont think he is naughty but may just need some help expressing himself. Good luck

[cathydoodle]

The councillor he is seeing us a qualified psychotherapist, but hasn't done any specific tests.
I am due to speak to a clincal psychologist on Monday so I may get a clearer idea of what testing is necessary then
Thanks for the comments, I am praying that this is solveable.
Cathydoodle

[Sally44]

I think a full evaluation through health would be useful.  It may be Aspergers.  He does seem to be having problems understanding appropriate social interaction because he is so upset when he finds that what he has done is infact wrong.  You can use something called Social Stories to help explain things to children with autism/aspergers and you have to explain the process all the way through from start to the finishing outcome because one of their biggest problems is understanding/predicting outcomes.
Even when they are very clever they can sometimes have difficulty being 'in the spot light'.  Some children with Aspergers/Autism who are verbal may specifically ask not to be asked to answer questions infront of the class.
I am not sure what is at the root of the 'giving the wrong answer deliberately' or 'refusing to answer', but I have heard these types of behaviour from other parents with children on the spectrum.
The facing away could be seen as a kind of 'visual avoidance'.  Some children cannot tolerate eye contact.  My son can sometimes.  But I know that in some school they specifically do not expect the children to be facing the front of class if they are autistic. Sometimes, in busy environments (from a sensory stimulation point of view), alot of these children tend to shut down some sensory functions to be able to cope.  This behaviour may show itself by only being able to talk if not making visual contact, or appearing deaf when engrossed in looking at something or doing something.
Does your son appear to have any sensory differences?  What is he like with noise, combing/cutting hair, putting on socks/shoes, clothes tags.  Does he appear over/under sensitive to pain, does he appear deaf etc.
Do you really think he is deliberatly giving an answer from an imaginary world, or is it possible that he has language processing difficulties?  For example my son's expressive language has been assessed as at age 7 (and he is 7), but his understanding of receptive language (ie. what is said to him) is assessed as at age 3.  So he can communicate his needs quite well, but if you ask him a question you may get an answer totally unrelated to the question.

[SueNYC]

IT may be...don't assume.  Alot of very qualified doctors have given us all sorts of diagnoses - and after my experiences of late - I think that the Aperger's expert is probably wrong. 3 out of 4 say he has autisitic tendencies but he does not make
Go to a clinical professional.  I have four experts looking  at my ani-social wunderkind and they still can't figure it out.  the fact tat our child has any friends may just mean that he ha problems in general, but Asperger's actually has a set diagnosis.   In fact, I was looking at a video on Autism Speaks concerning the rise of rel autim.   It may be overstated because those working in the educational fields (were most people get their child diagnosed) would not pass muster in a clinical setting.  But an autism diagnosis opens the floodgates to services while ADHD barely gets you a cup of coffee.

My son goes to a school for Aspergers and ADHD - and he is definitely the mac daddy there as the children are very borderline (like him) or they are right out of the manual.  Each are different - each have their weaknesses and strengths.  My son's friend that had a play date with us this weekend was highly talkative while my son who barely will have a conversation (not because he is non-verbal - his linguistic skills are impressive - he just is a very introverted child.  In fact, he argues like a Philadelphia lawyer when he wants something.)  At first, we were happy that he was so talkative - but after the fifth hour on his one and only topic - it became quite overwhelming.  So what's better - an introvert who barely gives you the time of day - but is pretty much up to speed on the world (though he spends all day either reading or tinkering like a modern day Thomas Edison only coming out to eat and shower)   or one who seems to like the personal interaction but is a one note song.  Hard to say.  Sam also avoids visual contact unless he needs something.  Then he grabs your face and makes you look at him.  

My girls are pretty much used to dealing with Sam - so no one throws them off.  So I laughed when one of his play dates (who is an only child) said "Your family is weird."   even his dad said that my slighty wild kids (we are a nutty Irish/Sephardic brood -think  Zero Mostel fathering a group of hooligans) was like watching "Lord of the Flies" - in which Sam replied back - "weell, that's all good and well as long as I don't play the role of Piggy" .  This threw the other dad back as he was impressed that sam got the allusion.  

But I guess they are trying to teach them the rule of social contact at the school they are attending.  In a desperate attempt to change the subject, I asked the other child if he had other interests.  He said mythology.  Sam happily offered up that I was an expert on the subject (classical lit ABD).  The child excited to challenge me jumped in and asked "who solved the riddle of the Sphinx?"  I said Oedipus (he did know who Oedipus which he started to get agitated and telling l me I had no idea what I was talking about and that Thomas  solved the riddle.  My husband and I gave each other a look and decided his answer was fine and I said "then I quess I'm wrong, it was Thomas."  My son turned to the other child and said - "They think you are wrong but don't want to offend you - that is what that look between them meant.   You are probably wrong and you need to listen to what the other person has to say.  They were being polite because it wasn't worth fighting over."  Me and my husband were pretty much slinking down under the restaurant table.  So much for the not being able to read verbal clues criteria - we are beginning to lean more toward the extreme executive dysfunction coupled with an undiagnosed mood disorder.      

Earlier that day, there was another boy over.  He isn't Asperger's but he is a bit of a loner.  At first we thought he was in an unsusal position.  He is a diplomat's son and moves alot.  But after chess club he sort of tagged along with us every Saturday. Most kids who come over think our building s like a hotel - we have over 600 units, rows of vending machines and a tennis  club downstairs.  It has a snack bar and an indoor swimming pool - so Sam's friend has learned that if come packed with his trunks and a smile we will usually take him home with us for the day.  This week I regretted it because Sam's classmate was coming over.   I was too nice to say no.  He did everything in his power to make Sam's classmate upset.  I forgot how mean other children are to kid's with Asperger's.  I said to my husband - now we know why this normal kid is friendless - he was so mean.  

The whole friendship thing between these children is like walking on minefield.  Things are working out well for Sam and his classmate - since they both like comic books.  But Sam prefers to play with his computers(we are moving into programming now), build things and read other types of literature.  When will one or the other realize that one cannot base a friendship on one person's interest.