Hello everyone! My issue/question is a common one I'm sure. But I'm at a point where I'm so frustrated I need some advice on how to handle the situation. I will give a little background to the situationi. My daughter is 7, and she is such a unique individual. :) She has not been officially diagnosed with Aspergers, but her psychologist and psychiatrist (she sees for her medications) both believe Aspergers is a realistic diagnosis for Katie. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and has been being treated for that for quite some time. She will be going for extensive testing in about 10 days. We are hoping to get the official diagnosis so she will be able to get some assistance at school. I am having very similar problems that other Asperger parents have been facing. My daughter has above average intelligence. She had the vocabulary equivelant to a 3rd grader when she was 3. This morning after I woke her up for school, I followed her to the restroom to help her get dressed (she has a lot of trouble staying focused and completing everyday tasks like dressing, brushing teeth, etc.) I said something to her and she said "geez mom, you're being abrasive." I couldn't help but laugh. What 7 year old tells their mom they are being abrasive? ha ha!
The issue that is bothering me is school. I have had the problems with teachers and school counselor saying she doesn't need tested "her test scores are not only above state average they are above distract average". And when the issues are brought up about her inability to do work at school. We had a huge problem this winter because Katie couldn't get her hat, gloves, and coat on at the end of the day. And I heard over and over again "Kaitlyn is very smart. I think she's manipulating us into believing she can't do it". Also I hear "Kaitlyn is smart. She's is making a choice to behave this way. If consequences are consistent she will do better." IT MAKES ME WANT TO PULL MY HAIR OUT! No one at school sees what I see. I think my daughters psychiatrist put it correctly when he said that unfortuntaly, it comes down to money and funding. Schools do not want to admit there is a problem because then they would have to pay to get her assistance. Her psychiatrist ended up referring her to a place that has specialist that handle situations like Katie's.
Sorry for the rambling... I will get to the point. ha ha!
Kaitlyn is not able to complete any work at school at this point. She basically sits there all day. Of course she gets punishments all day by her teacher for not doing her work. The teacher started sending home a special folder with all of her work she didn't do at school so she could get it done at home at night. That is a great idea, but there is a bit of a problem with that. Katie gets home and she has been so overwhelmed at school all day that as soon as I put a worksheet in front of her... we have a meltdown to deal with. Now of course the school tells me that is just her way of getting her way. She has figured out that by crying she doesn't have to do her work. UGH! They have no idea what the meltdowns are like. Katie has the ability to not do it at school. It is usually at home or when we are in public (she is a big fan meltdowns when I have a cart full of groceries at the store.) I'm just not sure of an effective way to get her to complete her work. I feel so bad when I send her to school with her work that isn't complete because I know she will be punished for not doing it. She comes home from school saying "I feel like everyone thinks I'm a dirt bag", and "I don't know why I'm stupid Mom", or "I wish I could be smart like the other kids". The school system is failing my daughter. She is exceptionally smart but because they won't admit there is a problem she is feeling stupid. I hope to find a way to help her with her work.
I feel so for you and your daughter, as I have been in the same situation! You must do something so she doesn't have to go through anymore of the treatment she is getting from the school. Is there any way you could homeschool her? Getting a diagnoses will be very helpful. Also, please tell her all about Asperger's so she understands that she isn't stupid at all! She sees things differently than most people, but different is good! It sounds as though your school is not educated on Asperger's, like most schools. As parents, we must educate them. However, since they are the "authority", they usually don't want to be educated. It is a long, tough battle. I wish you much luck, and please don't give up!
just a thought, i am not sure what meds your daughter is on, but i know some of the meds i took when i was little made the adhd and aspers much worse
i can also relate to homework issues when my son was in first grade he was placed at the bakc of the room, and ignored, each night we would have to do school work and homework, i struggled for several years fighting the system, getting help, looking for resources, i eventually started homeschooling
been a god send for us, however math is a huge problem, i have been thorugh 3 curriculims, almost ready to loose hope then i found a program called teaching textbooks
the only way i have been able to help my son is by being there for him and focusing on one issue at a time
its so much easier to focus on helping him myself then fighting with others to get him the help he needs
Thanks for your reply. My daughter has been on risperdol and luvox consistently for six months or so. Because of her ADHD meds making the OCD worse her Dr. took her off of them for a while. Well, He put her on Strattera, she tried that for about four months and it did nothing at all to help her. He then tried Focilin on OH MY GOODNESS... She was in a constant meltdown for the three days I had her on it. It was unbelievable, and honestly quite scarey. Her Dr. just started her on Metadate for the ADHD about a week ago and I don't really notice any difference.
You mentioned homeschooling... When my oldest daughter was in 3rd grade I homeschooled her that year. I used an online cirriculum. About a week ago in the midst of complete desperation I decided to enroll my youngest daughter in the program. I had noticed she has the ability to play games online and spend quite a bit of time doing that. The program I use can be used as the main education cirriculum, summer school help, or just extra learning. My daughter LOVES it! I just wish they could do something like that for her at school. She can complete multiple lessons in one sitting. She asks me all the time if she can do her online school. Just can't quite get her to do anything in a traditional school. Her school counselor told me the other day that it was great that Katie loved the online classes but I had to be sure to reinforce to her that there has to be balance and she will be expected to complete a more standard approach to school. She did tell me that the children who test low on their NWEA (it's a test they take in the fall and in the spring to monitor the students progress) scores get a chance to do on online course to help them learn what they need to know to meet the standards. Since my daughter takes this online test twice a year and scores very high she is not eligable to do the online courses at school. It is very frustrating. I figure if the public school cannot educate her I will try and do what I can with the online cirriculum in our off hours. I don't know if you have heard of the website time 4 learning *******. I have noticed such a difference in her level of comprehension with this program I really might have to consider homeschooling her next year. It might just be the best thing for her (and mommy).
yeah, time 4 learning is not something i use, but i am glad you found something that worked for you........................with math being our hardest subject i have decided to buy math teaching textbook cd rom for next year
its such a waste of time to have to re-teach at home what your child should be learning at school
i feel your frustration, i did it for several years, its down right exahusting
You don't have to listen to what the school psychologist says. Make the school psychologist write a letter stating why she thinks that your daughter does not require services. People just hate writing those sort of letters because they are legal evidence. The best thing about being at this for several years now (I have an Aspie and another kid with ADHD/Tourette's) is you just look at your educators and doctors as people. Sometimes we agree with them, and shockingly, sometimes we rail against them. Sometimes they even ask us if we have any suggestions. Some of their advice (including medication) works and some of it is a bust. They don't always have the right answers or even take you down the right path. Prozac was a very bad path for my son and he is still very overweight from it.
You need to write a letter (backed by your psychiatrist) that your child needs a psycho-ed evaluation. She might even need a full out NESPY - mine did. But she doesn't sound that severe.
Yesterday, we sat through a three hour IEP meeting. His academics took about 2 minutes of the conversation. Two lawyers spent another hour pouring over the forms and ammending them like mad. Another hour was given over to my son's inability to organize just about anything. And this was a nice meeting. I'd love to tell you about some of the nastier ones.
Sam goes to a school for children with Asperger's. Most of them do quite well academically. They get Regents diplomas and take their SATS - but they have a lot of social problems. His school is filled with very smart kids - they end up there because NYC can't place them in LD schools.
Homework - we went with hardcore ABA. Talk to your child's psychiatrist about parent training - it works wonders. It is very hard work- but as his ABA psychologist said - "I can teach you how to make your child do almost anything you want." And he did. We went because he used to scream at us for an hour when we turned the tv off - and homework was worse. You need to get it under control by third grade or chances are your child will have academic difficulties.
If your child truly has Asperger's (even if it is lite version like ours has), your school is fairly limited in what they can provide. You can get more resources out of your school district - but you need a good IEP.
I can totally identify with your frustrations over the schoolwork issue. My son is 17 and we have had this problem for years now. So this year, I pulled him out of school and homeschooled him. We still have issues, but we can at least work around them instead of constantly fighting the system. He has made great strides this year, although he is not up to grade level yet. He is easily frustrated by his mistakes, and his inability to retain information for long periods of time. I don't think he would have survived another year in the public school system, so homeschooling was a blessing for us!
Homework is the task given to the students given by the teachers to be completed mostly outside of the class, to improve the skills of the students. Sometimes problems are so tuff to do alone in that case online sites help the students, as ACROPOLISMENTORS do this.
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