Asperger's Syndrome Community
I'm a REALLY confused aspie.
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This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding Asperger Syndrome issues such as: Balance, Behavioral Issues, Causes, Characteristics, Classification, Clumsiness, Communication, Diagnosis, Gait – Walking, Genetics, Medications. Parenting, Prognosis, Restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, School Issues, Screening Sleep Disorders, Social interaction, Speech and language, Treatment

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I'm a REALLY confused aspie.

Why don't people like us? I don't get sarcasm and most humor, and i can't handle loud noises or lots of people. it's overwhelming. but people think i'm stupid i guess because they are mean to be and belittle me. my parents tell me I'm socially retarded but can overcome it with conformity, and i try, but it's overwhelming and sometimes i have anxiety attacks. my mom is understanding but my dad yells at me. anyways, if i were indeed retarded, doesn't that give him a reason to not be mean to me? because kids with downs syndrome, well people are typically REALLY nice to them, but people are rotten to aspies. and when people ask about my interests and i tell them they get really mad, i know it's bad to give monologues and i don't anymore, but still, you know shouldn't they listen to me if i have to listen to all their ****?

basically, i want to know why people are so nasty to me and how i can explain to them that i'm not a freak and make them like me, while still understanding me and be okay with how i am.

also I have another question. The aspies I have met in groups seem to be really scarily noisy and they move their faces so much, it's creepy. the other aspies i've met in group seem to be really just plain stupid. The group leader people always tell me that i'm the brightest in the group, but i know i'm no genius. Are most aspies just dumb, and if so, am i really aspie or just a dork?

i'm having identity issues i think. you will all probably ignore me, as people always do, but if anyone chooses to respond with it's thoughts, well i'd appreciate it.
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12 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, it took me about six decades, but I've pretty much stopped fretting about it -- I am not going to do well at appearing normal and "nice" in most unstructured environments for more than a few minutes. It helps when you can stop berating yourself about it, and instead try to find another, and hopefully useful, niche to fill in society. I look at it this way, in the beauty pageants of life, some individuals will wear the crown, some will be voted Miss Congeniality, and then there is Donald Trump running the show and making all the money. Aspies should not expect themselves to ever be voted Miss Congeniality, but the other roles are up for grabs.

May I ask why you hang around with aspie groups?  I get mad enough at myself already ... I think it would be frightening to have my irregularities mirrored back to me in probably exaggerated proportions. And each person going on and on and on about their own peculiar obsession .... naw, that does not sound like a fun and uplifting social function. Especially if there is a "leader." Maybe it's them and not you, it could happen, you know.
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Avatar_f_tn
my mom makes me go to group, it's for social skills. but i would just rather not socialize to begin with.
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791606_tn?1240597111
Hello,
Just wanted to comment on the people being mean to you. This happens all the time to my daughter (21 year old aspie). What she does now is tells them that she is Autistic when they start being rude to her. Sometimes this takes them by suprise, but it works. It often makes them realize that they are being rude and they start being nice. Remember that there are some pretty rude people in the world and they are rude to everyone, not just aspies. Try not to take it personally.

About being "Socially Retarded"...some people refer to those who have a hard time with social skills as being "socially retarded". That just means it is harder for them to understand the social rules of society. It DOES NOT mean you are retarded. Most Aspies are of average to well above average intelligence. People just use those words to describe aspies sometimes. If you are really offended by it you should tell your mom that it hurts your feelings when she says that. I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you in that way.

I hope this is helpful to you...and maybe others reading this.
Take care, and try to accept yourself just the way your are...you are a wonderful person no matter what anyone says.
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Avatar_f_tn
sorry you are going through this, it takes everyone a while to grow into their own skin, even people without aspers, i did notice that you spoke so harshly about some of the people in your group, remember if you want to be respected you must respect others no matter what their struggles maybe, there is always a way to make life better, not sure how old you are but from experience adults are usually more tollerant than children or teens, once we pass a certain age it seems tthat more people are willing to love us unconditional, all this will pass, eventually you will have good friends who will love you no matter what
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907515_tn?1251731572
sorry u r having so much pain over socialising ... yes being the brunt of human cruelty is unfortunately part of being aspie - or being different in ANY way from the majority... that includes handicaps or all other quirks...

i've had my fair share of being abused... but i also hv a small handful of great friends, some aspie but mostly NTs who hv taken care of me when i most needed them - i.e. in social situations... i do kw i m incredibly lucky in this respect, but dont give up... someday somehow u will find a select few who will treat u right, the way u ought to be respected and treasured for who u r... those r the ones who really matter to me... besides, i cannot handle having too many friends anyway, socialising (even with those i adore) is a very tiring exercise for me... i get physically ill... and too much of it triggers my autoimmune to flare up... yep... bizarre but true... i guess we just gotta find a way to be comfortable in our own skin and see our own beauty... it will reflect from inside out, and u will find the more u love urself, the easier it is for those who r nice or who hv the ability to appreciate ur special qualities, to find u and attach to u...

good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
Perhaps just telling people that they are behaving rudely would be appropriate. Nobody likes rude behavior, and if anyone has any sense of appropriateness or remorse, they should hopefully take a step back and re-evaluate their pattern and stop.
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Avatar_f_tn
Now if you are of low intelligence, how could you have expressed yourself so well?  Low intelligence...you would not be able to type, play video games, and all the other things you do.  You dad's words are very hurtful.  Being angry at others is probably an extension of the anger you feel toward you dad. do you ever say to yourself, "You're just like my dad'?  I don't socialize either.  I have a bad case of anxiety. When my husband died suddendly after his funeral everyone said bye and then left me alone to do their grieving.  I developed this severe anxiety. It has taken me 6 years to heal. I have to plan days ahead of when I need to go to the grocery and run to do other things.  Often I can't make the day I planned.  Write yourself a note that says, I am very intelligent.  It is a secret I'm keeping from my dad and others respies. Make it your opening screen so you can smile each time you see it.  Good luck find something to laugh about before you go to bed each night.  I hope you relax.  You are a 100% bona fide Human Being say that to the next person who doubts your intelligence.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Tell your Dad and Mom to read and get some knowledge. They should not be telling you that your socially retarded. I heard that exact saying from a old friend that I reconnected with last week. I will no longer need to talk with them, I don't need someone in my child's life that would talk about their disability in that way.
A good book for you parents would be,
Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

Good song for all that are felling down about them self :)
>   Welcome to Wherever You Are  by, Bon Jovi
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347888_tn?1239903054
The main reason people are mean to Aspies is because they look "normal".  Someone with Downs Syndrome looks different, so people know why they act different.  If someone has a physical handicap, it is easy to see, and people are nice & try to help them.  My daughter is an Aspie, is beautiful, and extremely intelligent, so when other people hear her say something socially inappropriate (she says whatever pops into her head), they think she is being a brat!  So we got her a t-shirt that says, "I'm not a brat, I'm autistic!"
On the other hand, Aspie's have a hard time understanding why no one wants to listen to their topic of interest, but yet has no interest at all in listening to someone else's topic of interest.  
The things I find the most interesting of all are:
1.  How people think we can socialize Aspies by getting them together in a group & expect them to be social, without any NTs to interact with for guidance.  
2.  How Aspie's can't stand other Aspies because they drive them crazy, but then ask why NTs don't like Aspies.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have 2 sons, a daughter & a husband who have Aspergers. Each are unique & wonderful. As a NT (neuro typical) who God has blessed to know these wonderful, smart, out of the box thinkers, it is awe inspiring . I'm going to tell you like I tell them : Stop trying to fit in!! Why would anyone with such gifts what to be one of Many, when God made you to be above that. All kids, at some point get picked on. Their too tall   Too short. Too skinny. Too fat.  Society is a group of people who can't think for themselves, so they follow what everyone else does... To have that need removed, to not need to be or do what everyone else does, to just be yourself, make your own rules, to lead & never need to follow, is truly Amazing. So guess what ? YOU are truly amazing. Embrace who you are, how you do things, forget what society tells you , God gave you who he wants you to be, love yourself, who you are & forget the freaks & weirdos that are supposedly "normal". What the heck is normal ?! I sure don't want to be labeled that , nor my kids. Be yourself. Love yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think most people are really nice to people with down syndrome because they have a distinct look. Many people with Aspergers (like myself) look normal. People tell me that I look gorgeous and am very pretty. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but I do think that I am attractive. So I think that can cause some people to get jealous of how I look. But because I am very awkward in social situations, I would get picked on a lot. And when I get bullied, I shut down, blank out, and can't think of any good come backs. So I'm basically an easy target. A lot of people don't really notice I have Aspergers cause I'm really quiet and stick to myself. But once I speak, you can tell that something is off. I also don't hand flap in front of people but I do in private. If I were to hand flap in front of people, that would just give it all away.
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Avatar_f_tn
My son has aspergers too and is also bowel incontinent. The problem with ppl today is that they are rude and ignorant. If you had a visual problem, then you would get the help and support needed, and other ppl would make allowances for your issues.. One thing that upset me is that your parents call you you social retard!! That initself is degrading.. You have social skill developement problems. He has a massive interest in Animee and manga and has found internet friends with the same interests. Try and join a group whether it be online or local to you, that has the same interests as you. Good luck sweetheart x
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