Medications for my 9 year old Son - At my wit's end

I have read all the posts.  Your counsel and experience are so helpful.  I have been through the same scenario as most of you where the psychs are more into diagnosing **** rather than seeing things for what they are, simply because they have had a 1 hour session with them.  What a joke!  LIVE with the kid and THEN evaluate things for what they are.  Puleaaaase.

Okay, so my question is this: I have a 9 year old son.  His IQ is 149 and he is in the imaginary world constantly.  He writes movies and is highly motivated in school.  He builds things with Legos that most adults would be incapable of.  He is amazing to me.  However...

His SOCIAL LIFE is a mess outside of school.   Structure is his best friend so he NEVER rocks the boat at school and as a 4th grader to this very day he has NEVER gotten in trouble for anything at school.  He is "friends" with everyone and even gets the Good Citizen award every year for his entire class for getting along so well with everyone.  The interesting thing that the school doesn't understand is that the REASON he is so easy at school is because he never fully plugs in with people.  He does his thing, and the other kids enjoy his imagination so they fall in line with what he is doing.  IF they dont, no skin off his nose, he just plays alone.

Recently in my relationship with my fiance we have made a decision to separate his 8 year old from my GAD kiddo until Caleb gets REAL help.  And by real help I mean something OTHER than counseling and psych intervention and all the other useless stuff that seems to be doing NOTHING for him.  So...what medication do I put this kid on.  He flies into rages when he transitions, he is very anxious and has been diagnosed with nothing other than GAD with the possibility of the need for medication if he cannot cope.  Duh...he is NOT coping.  So I am going to see doctor after doctor until they agree to medicate him.  I want to see if it will help him fit in socially.  Otherwise, the kiddo is going to end up without any social skills to speak of as an adult, and I'm done messing around with this.  PLEASE HELP!!!!

[Sally44]

Are you saying that your son has a diagnosis of GAD, but you think he has Aspergers? If so I would recommend you contact the National Autistic Society in your country for some information.
If he does have Aspergers all the family will need to find out about this disorder.  Alot of his anxiety/stress/tantrums etc are going to be because he cannot cope with the environment, or the lack of structure, or changes to routines, or transitions.  That is more than GAD, although GAD can accompany Aspergers.
You talk about separating the children (yours from your fiance's), and I presume this is because of difficulties you are having.  
I cannot advise you on medications as I have no experience of them.  I am not totally against them but I think they should be used when other avenues have been tried and have not helped enough.  By that I mean starting with school.  Is he coping at school, do they understand his difficulties.  Does he have access to dinnertime clubs or the computer suite etc so that he isn't force to try to socialise.  Does the school have any kind of social interation/communication programme.  If the supports and approaches are there then your son is going to cope better and will 'learn' some socialising techniques - but remember they will be learnt and won't come 'naturally'.
Your fiance's child also has to learn about Aspergers and what he should/shouldn't do.  If your son had epilepsy you would tell the other child that they shouldn't use flashing lights or maybe would tell them what warning signs to look out for.  The same is true for Aspergers.  Their experience is totally different to ours but it is real and it is valid.  We need to cross the bridge and learn how they experience things and adapt ourselves and our surroundings to help them.  If we don't there will always be conflict.
For example, my son got upset going to school today.  He is 7.5 years old.  He started crying in the car and wanted to go home to watch TV.  Then he got even more upset because he didn't want his classmates to see he was upset.  So we had to walk into the school playground with his coat on back-to-front so his face was covered.  I stood with him for a while giving him some firm hugs (as this calms him).  When we got to the playground there was a huge truck in it!  Apparently a threatre company were performing in school.  That really threw him.  The change and unpredictability upset him even more.  So I took him inside to the Teaching Assistant and explained what was going on.  She took him to the quiet room for around 5 minutes for him to compose himself and then he went into class and was okay throughout the day.  Infact he won best in class for a French test!
Personally I believe it is all about finding out how they tick.  Use their strengths and interests to gain their attention and motivate them.  Be very aware of what upsets them and make sure there are supports and options available to help them cope and learn how to monitor themselves.  
With transitions do you have a time timer that can be set to show when he has to stop an activity?  Do you give him frequent warnings ie. in 15, 10, 5 minutes we have to stop.  Where possible to you time things so that he can finish things and not have to leave them unfinished (that drives my son nuts).  Sometimes counting slowly can help them transition eg. 1, 2, 3.  If he is verbal ask him what the difficulty is.  Sometimes they just get flooded with emotions that they cannot control.
But your first step might be to get a diagnosis if you think that is relevant.  Ask your GP to refer you to a centre that has experience and expertise in diagnosing autistic spectrum disorders.  With the right help and support you may not need to medicate.  If you think it would help you could film your son at home during times when he is showing these difficulties with transitions or changes in routine etc.

[mtgoat911]

i have taken just about every drug out there for socail anxiety and aspie
nothing worked, the only pill that came close to helping caused me to gain 120pounds, high bp, and hyper tension
i have turned to medicine, religion and psychiatry to help me and my aspergers son
but none of that helped us
if you have any questions about specific meds, i will be more than happy to answer then, if its one i have taken, just send a pm,
basically the sri's like prozac, pazil..etc made me want to die as a child
speed such as aderall, concerta made me crash and burn when the meds wore off
anti-psycs made me tired and fat
i now have turned to behavioral modification in place of the drug
i do get help from the health food store when i am walking through added stress
melatonin, stress mix for healthy kids,, herbal rems, that really work
i have decided to homeschool my son this year, we are a member of several different hs groups so my son has more people to hang out with then the 12 kids in his special needs class
your son sounds awesome!!! and so do you
i would hate to see you go through the hell we expereiced dealing with medicaiton
parenting is a difficult task, then add emotional issues or other disibilities and it starts to tear a family apart
i saw that my aspie son (9) was being a bad influence on my (6) year old, so i decided to spend more time with both my children,, find out what i could do to help
i did try a therapist, but this is a moms job, you can do this, with the help of others that have worked through it!!!
if there is anything you need please feel free to contact me
one other thing i would like to tell you about the medication
i started taking meds in the 4th grade, it opened the door to a decade long drug addiction, i learned very early that a drug can "fix" me, i though i needed something different and thought i had found it with the drugs, when all i needed was a little more time to process life

[Vanagew]

Autism and Asperger's Syndrome are two possibilities, but I would be highly doubtful of such a diagnosis. Autistic children are generally excluded and lack friends, many may even desire not to have friends full stop. He may have ADD (not ADHD) that is associated with increased irratability and anxiety at times. With GAD it is important to make sure that psychosis isn't developing.

There is a drug that I am on to help me with my anxiety called Fluoxetine (Prozac). There are some small side effects that could develop, but most are associated with bodily functions more than anything else.

[Sally44]

Autistic children can and do want to socialise.  
Maybe not to the extent of their peers and maybe in appropriate ways.
My son asks to play with other children.  
Problem is, he doesn't know how to.
Games have to be structured or follow his storyline.
Sometimes he just wants everyone to re-enact something he has seen on TV.
We play with soldiers together.
He likes to go round to his friend's house.
He was also very said when he changed school because he said he would 'miss' his friends.
I find he tends not to work in the same timeframe as the rest of us.  So he might not need the frequency of social interaction.
But he has recently started going to the School Youth Club (he requested it).  I'm not sure if he will continue, because he cannot join in unless I am there and I don't know if I can go every week.  There is no other adult there that can give one to one support.
Obviously, the more severe a child is the more difficulties they have socialising.
But someone with Aspergers is quite capable of living and working independently, getting married and having children.  Depending on the severity of Aspergers he might need quite an understanding wife!