My 7 year old son has been diagnosed with Asperger's. We homeschool him. We just moved into a new home 2 months ago and now he is starting to make some friends in the neighborhood. Today I overheard my son and one of his new friends in our back yard saying something about "pee pee's" and I saw my son pull up his shirt. It appeared to me that my son was the one with the idea. Thankfully the boy, who by the way is 4 years old, said no. I did ask my son later if he had asked the boy to show pee pee's and he said yes but that the boy said no so they didn't.
I was furious. You see, we've had this discussion before. He has lost one friend already from this behavior because the kid's mother found them with their pants down. So that ended that friendship. He's tried to do this with his younger cousin. And now this incident. I think their may be a problem. When my son was 5 years old he was friends with an older boy next door and my wife caught them both outside behind some bushes showing their boyhood to each other and we later found out that the older boy was having some issues with his mom's boyfriend. So I don't know if my son is still having issues because of that incident or not. We know it happened on at least 2 occasions.
I know when I was a boy I did sexual things with kids in the neighborhood but what's normal and what isn't??? Maybe I was f**ked up when I was a kid too and don't know it. I don't know. I just know that it bothers me. And I also know that I don't want to have a discussion with some other kid's parent(s) about my son doing things to their kid. And I don't want there to be those kinds of issues when we just moved into a house and are new to the neighborhood.
Any advice or help would be appreciated. Thanks.
I think that behavior is normal to some extent (okay, so maye I was ***ed up as a child as well, since I ended up doing "show me" things with my brother's friends when I was around 7 or 8... plus they paid me money, so what did that make me??!!). But as a parent, you still have to explain that it is not acceptable to do those things and that you don't do those things. I guess having aspergers it's harder to know what is acceptable and understand why or why not?
Sorry can't be more helpful in trying to tell you how to get your child to stop. I remember my mom made me stop playing with my brother and his friends when she caught us once. She then let me play with them sometime later with close supervision. I guess I had to learn that if I did those things, my mom wouldn't trust me, which meant I didn't have freedom to play independentlly. So that was incentive to not do that. Not sure what someone with aspergers would react to that sort of discipline. On other hand, you don't want to make him ashamed of himself... he might seek out doing that if he thinks it's a no-no, big taboo thing... well, I don't know... again, sorry wish I could be more help.
yes, dont freak out yet!!! its normal to be curious
people with learning disibilities lack a little common sense, even as an adult i am known to just smack someone on the butt for no reason, its all about impulse control
just tell your son that he cannot do that, and if he does it again he will spend several days away from the neighborhood kids
but explain to him why, really get into it with him, aspie people have a hard time reading others, and its difficult to know when an action is appropriate
you know why your son should not do this, just tell him why
we also homeschool (started 3wks ago) we are a member of several groups, one is an aspie group but the others are not, so before each group i let both my children know what to expect, i also tell then to slpw down and think before they do something, i am horrible at explaining this, its actually a method that i read in a book
i will look for it this weekend, its homeschooling the special needs child
i will get back to you when i have more time
people always think that nothing embarasses me, but thats not true, sometimes i simply do not see myself in the embarassing moment
its like that with your aspie kid, he does something that make others uncomfortable, but he doesnt see it
man, i am aweful at explaining this, let me go find that book for you
One time as an adult I flashed my boobs in front of an old lady because we were talking about bras or something... Her reaction was predictable to anyone EXCEPT me. I just stood there baffled by her reaction. It took me a few minutes to realize oops, social blunder... Just because I know about what bras I need, and this person was talking, doesn't mean they need to see a visual.
For some reason understanding privacy is one of the most difficult things for me to master. I seem to assume because I know what I know and feel like I have nothing to hide (it feels to me everything I do is known by everyone or at least some person, maybe God) that it seems natural for me to just give it away freely to anyone I meet the innermost personal things about me... It gets to be a problem with friendships as you can imagine.
About your son, it's hard to say, but I doubt his motives are bad. If one boy showed him his "pee-pee" then he likely figured that is acceptable behavior and that he could do it too. Once again to him he probably doesn't feel the same shame or whatever one would feel about hiding certain body parts. Showing his pee-pee to him may feel like showing his hand. He needs to learn that there are certain body parts he can't show people and can't ask to look at. If he is wondering if other people's pee-pees look like his, then he will have to learn to assume they do or assume they don't, but whatever it is he will not be able to see other people's pee-pees and will have to resign to the fact that he can't "figure out" that aspect.
Asperger's or not, this kid is curious about other kids' privates, and I'll assume he's just plain curious about other kids in general, too. Why not enroll him in school? As a teacher, I had several Asperger's kids in regular classes. They were wonderful and taught others that everyone can be a little or a lot different and still have wonderful contributions to make to the group. Each kid is different, and Asperger's kids are different from each other. It was important for all kids to understand that. Plus-- the Asperger's kids learned other kids weren't so frightening after all. An extroverted Asperger's likes friends who like him for who he is, and the same with introverted Asperger's. The other kids provide important social boundaries for each other, and clarify social expectations-- eg "You have to zip it up, dude!" and "Don't eat my cookies!". They mostly reinforce what we parents teach them. When they become teenagers, they start engaging more with each other than with parents. If you don't give them those years in groups before then, they will rebel at their own expense anyway to prove they are independent people from their parents, either in isolation or with other solo kids they manage to meet. I have seen some unstable, unhappy kids emerge as teenagers out of homeschools, who are, by the way, an average of 2 years behind academically from their counterparts. Good luck with your son. He will amaze you.
I would not worry about it too much. As a person with Aspergers I can understand where your son is coming from. Most kids, regardless of whether they have Aspergers or not, have engaged in the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game. With aspies things that should be understood by a "neurotypical" 7 year old may not be understood by them. Just keep reinforcing the fact that private parts are just that...private. There will be some slip ups I can guarantee you of that, but eventually it will click for him. Take it from a person who has lived as an aspie.
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