Asperger's Syndrome Community
My sons behavior is breaking my heart
About This Community:

This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding Asperger Syndrome issues such as: Balance, Behavioral Issues, Causes, Characteristics, Classification, Clumsiness, Communication, Diagnosis, Gait – Walking, Genetics, Medications. Parenting, Prognosis, Restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, School Issues, Screening Sleep Disorders, Social interaction, Speech and language, Treatment

Font Size:
Blank Blank

My sons behavior is breaking my heart

My son is 24 years old. He was never diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, however he has every trait. When he was a little boy he used to watch the weather channell all the time and he made weather charts as well as number charts. He numbered every page in every book in the house. including the phone book. He built big cities and buildings with legos and loved playing with those plastic letters and numbers.

He seemed to be happiest when he was alone or with only a few other people. He was never good in crowds. While the other kids were playing kick ball or football, he would be off alone building something with the legos. He became interested in vidio games at about age 8. He played them with the few friends he had. He did eventually begin hanging out with a few kids from our block, and riding bikes. But there was always a bully and I think the kids took advantage of him. He had some of his vidio games and other stuff stolen from him.

In High school he was very unhappy although he'll never admit to the extent of his unhappiness. He wanted to date girls but had a very hard time approaching and talking to them. He went about it in a way that most likely scared the girls. He was bullied in high school by a few of the kids. And he didnt like the crowds at school I always notice that he is much more comfortable around a small amount of people who are doing something , such as playing a board game or doing puzzles. He joined the track team in High school and excelled in it. To this day he runs in marathons and has a bunch of medals. He now runs 5 miles every day.

He graduated from high school and went straight to college. He graduated with an associate degree in CAD. However he was not able to find a job in this field yet. He has worked at a super market since he was 18. Before that he delivered newspapers.

When he was five or six years old I knew something was wrong with him, and his dad and I took him to a counselor who told us he was fine. I thought he had OCD. and began doing research on it and I worked with him as much as I could. In 2004 my nephew was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome and adhd at age 9. This began the journey of learning about this disorder. Micheal was 18 by then and just starting college. although I didnt think aspergers was anything to be too concerned about, I learned as much as I could about it. Meanwhile Micheal was doing well in college and seemed to be happy. By the time he graduated  he was looking forward to finding a job. We explained to him that the economy was really bad at the time and that he shouldnt get discouraged. I worked with him on his social skills, and as I began to learn more and more about aspergers I tried to see the world the way he sees it. I explained to him that others see things differently and that he should be more polite, and care more about his appearance. That if he went on an interview he should shake hands and be aware that this is important to others even if it doesnt seem important to him.

He kept his part time job at the super market and sent out resume's. went on interviews but no luck. He became discouraged, but whenever we asked him how he was doing he always said "good". His dad finally started to realize that something wasnt right and he began working with him as well. We found a phycologist, and tried our best to help him as much as we could.
He started seeing the therapist and last week his dad told me that he found out that Micheal was cutting himself. I should mention that his dad and I are divorsed and Micheal is now living with his dad. As if that wasnt enough the following Monday there was an episode at his job. He was standing at his register and he just started yelling. He became very angry and out of control. They called the police and an ambulance and took him to a local hospital, He talked to someone at the hospital and then they let him go.
I am completely overwhelmed, and confused. We got him an almost immediate appt with a behavioral therapist and he is schelduled for a phyciatric evalutation.

Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to get as much info in here as I could, and would appreciate any feedback. I love my son with all my heart. and right now my heart is breaking. He needs help. He is angry, possibly depressed, maybe . I dont know.
any replies to this post would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
Related Discussions
7 Comments Post a Comment
1486688 tn?1333857307
I would say that most of this sounds like Asperger's..EXCEPT..Aspie kids usually don't do sports from what I gather.  They walk or run with an awkward gait.  I could be wrong though..maybe it doesn't pertain to every individual.  Not sure.  I've read that they typically hate sports and in Aspie kids..ADHD and low muscle tone go hand in hand.  Yours ran track..does he run differently?  Just curious.  I'm still learning too.  My son has Asperger's Syndrome and he does walk and run with an awkward gait.  He gets picked on last when teams are chosen in P.E.  He despises everything sport related, I think due to this.  I mean..I would too if I were picked on b/c of the way I walked/ran and was picked last.  
Anyway..your story breaks my heart..and I know how you feel.  

Big hugs..let me know how it goes with the doctor.
Avatar f tn
Im now 40.. and  have aspergers... i ran 8 miles a day.. it was one of the few things that settled my mind... at least some....  i truly feel for your whole family.. he needs to be assessed and see whats going on..
I was in track and cross country from 6th grade until my senior year.. it was something where i didnt have to socialize or talk to other people.. everything that was bottled up inside me.. i ran it out.  I got bullied like crazy. i was the "weirdo"  It didnt matter that I still hold the 2 mile record at my school and have a bronze thingy with my name on it for all to see when you enter the Phys ed building.
cutting can be a sign of release, of overwhelming frustration due to feeling as though you have no control over ANYTHING.  I know that with my aspergers.. i would rather hurt myself.. than hurt someone else.  
Sounds to me like he does have some traits of Asperers.. however.. keep in mind that these days its soo hard to be human. Aspergers or no Aspergers. I get in my car and scream so no one can hear me. I pray for your family.. and know that what you all are going through is very stressful... take it a minute at a time...thats all you can do .
Avatar f tn
Hi. I am just learning about Aspergers because I think my 8 yo son may have it. My husband is angry at me and doesn't feel out son fits much of the criteria but I believe that he fits it quite a bit. My son is a beautiful boy, handsome, funny, loving but different from my two other sons.
When my 8 year old was young, he hated loud noises, big groups, lots of activity around him. He was bright and talked early. Everyone--including my husband--use to say it was like talking to a little adult instead of a child. He didn't like the feel of clothes, liked a limited number of foods, disliked foods often based on texture (and when older was able to say it was the texture of certain foods he disliked), used to line up all of his toys in a row and not want them moved, was sooo facinated by the ceiling fan. He could notice a small change in a room--like a moved vase or new picture added to the wall. He would cringe at he sound of clapping and get very upset when alot of people were around him.
  At around the age of three he began acting oppositional--wanting something, then refusing to take it , then falling apart when you took it back. He'd cry and cry for the item but would then act indifferent if it was given to him. Then he started to back away from getting hugged but then when we'd stop trying to hug, he'd say "you don't love me, you won't hug me... This created a lot of turmoil in the house and became something that took place EVERY single weekend. I hated the weekend because it was so stressful. As he got older, the thing he would do was to say that we didn't ;ove him. he'd ask for verification that I loved him all the time but didn't really believe it. We told him we loved himm all the time--even before this issue became and issue.
He also didn't seem to interested in the VERY few kids in our neighborhood. As he got older, he started to want to play with kids, wants to have friends, wants to be around them but just seems like a fish out of water when he is with kids.
  He doesn't seem to have any "friends" at school and often tells me that nobody likes him. He may have a "friend" for a day but then the next day he'll say that he kid doesn't like him. He has told me that he 'knows' that I love him but that he can't 'feel' the love in his heart. He doesn't seem to really enjoy anything but video games. He does belong to cubscouts but seems to be there parallel with the kids--not really 'with' them.
He is very sensitive to changes--such as in plans, funiture, belongings. He can't seem to part with anything, and often brings home junk he finds outside and gets upset if he can't keep it--even if it is broken hair clip or part of a toy. he acts like you are taking something so precious away from him. I've learned to let him keep the stuff and remove it when he has moved on to something else.
  He seems to be hyperaware of what people think of him--almost like what a teenager might be like. It is obvious to me that he doesn't feel connected to any kids. He doesn't just play with them and assume that they like him--like most kids do. He seems to feel awkward around kids--even his classmates. I can see how he'd feel like kids don't like him since he doesn't really connect with them. He seems to be guarded against kids and adults really. It was hard for me to accept that he couldn't/didn;t address adults because he was so 'adult'like. I use to think he was being stubborn when he wouldn't acknowledge an adult but now I see that he feels uncomfortable doing it for some reason.
He has told me that he feels like kids don't like him, that he is weird, not smart,and feels unhappy inside most of the time. He can't tell me anything that he really enjoys besides videogames. Most of the things he does--school, boyscouts, homework, crafts (on the extremely rare occasion that I can engage him with one), bike riding etc--seems to feel like an imposition to him. Like something he HAS to get through--not something he likes or enjoys. I don't see any fire or spark in him when it comes to living. It almost appears like he is going through the motions of living rather than actually living. This is so sad for an 8 year lold. it just breaks my heart. I've cried myself to sleep many nights over this.
He just doesn't seem to fit in and is so very aware that he doesn't. I think I'd feel better if he just wanted to be alone rather than wanting to be with kids but not knowing how to do it.  I forgot to mention that he does tis hand flapping thing all the time and often jumps up and down while doing it. he does this at home  but i've seen him doing it in his classroom and on the playground at school. He does it when he is excited and sometimes to calm himself down or sooth himself.
He also has trouble sustaining attenton to things. He can't stay on a conversation unless it is talking about videogames. I get the feeling like he just wants to 'get the conversation over with' as quickly as possible. When he is being talked to, he often seems like he is not paying attention but usually knows what is going on. His teacher says he often doesn't pay attention but he gets A's on his work so he must be hearing her.

  He also doesn't know when to stop doing something. if he is saying something like "dad didn't take the garbage out and now he has to when he should be giving me a shower". Then his dad will remind him that he came home from work late but his doesn't stop him from continuing to go on and on about this. It usually ends in an arguement and him getting yelled at. I use to think that he was being a stinker about it but now I think he doesn't honestly get when enough is enough. Like it is something out of the ordinary or something that doesn't follow the rules and he can't let it go. he has to point out over and over how his dad's behavior isn't right and  it has affected him. On a similar note, he also always feels slighted--like someone is getting more than him. He worries about someone getting a prize when he doesn't, or his brothers having more candy, or playing more video games etc. He is always hypervigilant about being cheated in some way.
I was an overly paranoid mom because he was my first. I felt a connection to him that I never felt to anyone. I worried about him, his health, his comfort and did everything I could to make him feel safe, comfortable, and loved. This is why it so surprises me and hurts me to think he doesn't feel loved or as good as any other kid.
My husband feels like I make too much out of it but it is obviously hurting my son. My husband says that I have put this stuff in his head. When I talk to him about being more sensitive to things than many others I do it because my son has identified this as something that bothers him and I want to help him find ways to cope. I don't make up problems--I address the ones that become known to me. My husband feels that everything is fine and that my son overexaggerates his problems. I think my son is hurting and needs help learning social stuff (it's true tht he wasn't around many kids when he was young because really no kids live near us but the times he was around kids he never seemed to just enjoy--he seemed selfconscious and awkward) .
I reread this and feel bad as if I am pointing out only his shortcomings. He is a wonderful child. He is smart, learns things quickly, and when he smiles-it can light up a room. He is the opposite of what he thinks and feels he is. He is handsome (and I'm being impartial--really), interesting, loving, considerate most of the time, and truly the love of my life! I don't mean to focus on his problems or troubles, I only want to help him overcome these difficulties.
Does anyone have any comments--if you can get through this long winded comment. Thank you very much for your time.
Avatar f tn
my heart goes out to you. As I read your post it made me cry because I can relate so much to it. When my son was younger aspergers was not a diagnosis and not very well known. I thought my son had OCD and took him to counselors who told us that he was just a normal kid who was struggling. I knew in my heart that something wasnt right but kept assuming he was just awkward and shy. Although he wasnt really shy, just sort of withdrawn in crowds. He talked but never looked anyone in the eye, and he talked about one subject exclusively and monatone like.

Just like your son, my son was very uncomfortable in certain clothes, and particular about his food.
It wasnt until 2004 when my son was 17 that I had heard about aspergers because my nephew was diagnosed with it. We shortly learned soon after that my dad most likely had it too, since he had alot of the traits. My sons dad was still in denial about anything being wrong with him but I began learning as much as I could.

anyway my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family..
Avatar f tn
@Tara: I am feeling for you and your son! He needs help from professionals. Diagnosis as such are not important as in changing anything fundamentally, but it explains things and you all can move forward from it. It will mark a point and help putting things in perspective. I wish you lots of strength. Keep us posted

@ronniemom: To me it certainly sounds like your son being an Aspie. I know (we all do, I guess) how people around us can make us doubt our own intuition, but you are right and you need to get a diagnosis to get help for him - I believe it is important to the person with Asperger's as well as people around them to get an understanding of what is different about people with Asperger's. I also find myself in your description at the end - the worries for what life has dealt to our darlings makes us want to describe the many difficulties that they face. I think ASDs have many bad experiences as not even their own parents/siblings understand them quite often and they know! right?! they are not stupid, but very sensitive. I have to keep reminding myself also of the beauty in my sons life and of the things that make him very special in a good way. It helps doing it, though ;-)   thinking of you
Avatar f tn
I won't go into our ENTIRE family's history with
Many "mental type" issues. .......however, after reading
All about your son he seems to match up perfectly to what a relative
of mine has.  A.D.D & O.D.D.  I had never heard of O.D.D. until a few months ago. One thing ALL people with ASPERGERS DOES is walk kinda oddly, don't swing their arms, and they speak VERY, VERY LOUDLY ALL THE TIME.  (Almost robotic like.)  I pray you find an extremely well educated psychiatrist and team that can help with the diagnosis.  I find O.D.D. VERY interesting when reading about it.  Take care.  
Avatar n tn
   My son is now 14 and was FINALLY diagnosed correctly at age 8. I knew there was something different about him at age 2. You are correct that one of the typical diagnosis's is weak muscle tone. I still cant read my son's handwriting at 14. One thing to reliaze is that Aspergers and Autism are spectrum disorders. No one kid fits all the criteria's but a professional will be able to assess him.
  I understand about parent's not wanting to face there is something "wrong" with their child. I think we look at it as a failure on our part or something we must have a done wrong. Unfortunatley our society tries to fit all children into round holes and sometimes this just doesn't work.
  I was amazed at things I took for granted in the social aspect's of life. Eye contact,non verbal cues, personal space, conversation turn taking, vocal tones and pitch. All these things come natural to most of us but not to Asperger's kids/adults. They are traits for them that need to be taught and retaught CONSTANTLY. My son is going through the awkward stage of entering high school. Sometimes he is a normal teenager and sometimes not. It can be SO frustrating because he just doesn't get it when I explain things. I see myself as a well educated rational person and he is my son so he should too. But then I must step back and reliaze I'm the one who doesn't get it. He does the best he can do with the skills HE has.
  He is a good kid with an enourmous heart and always willing to see the best in people. Very polite and rote smart. However common sense and easy tasks are SEVERELY lacking. I don't know if this is making any sense but it is what I experience everyday. Try and get him diagnosed and keep educating yourself. You would be amazed at the lack of understanding and tolerance out in the "real" world.
Post a Comment
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Asperger's Syndrome Community Resources