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Please help me with my 8 year old...
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Please help me with my 8 year old...

I am so confused and don't know where to turn. I have an 8 year old daughter, and have been trying to figure out what is going on with her. I have done a lot of internet research with signs leading to Aspergers. I would love to tell you her story and tell me you thoughts. She is an extremely intelligent child, a little genius but only in some areas(i.e. math). Anytime I tell her something, such as we have to do some errands today. She comes back with"because you have to ...and goes on and on about details. If I say we are having pork chops for dinner,"because we dont have any spaghetti". She cant just accept things for just being. She has to have a conclusion to everything.

She has had a problem with urinating on herself and we have done everything imaginable to correct the behavior. She does not care if we take everything away from her, spanking or the threat of spanking dont deter the behavior. When we talk to her she gets this look like she is in outer space somewhere.Tuned out almost.When questioning her about why she pees on herself she makes up lie after lie about why. She has become very deceitful in covering up her peeing. She puts panties in her bookbag so that I dont find them. She has become a very good liar and is very cunning about it. She looked at me last week, and said mama i promise I didnt pee in my panties, why dont you believe me? Well that was a lie. She had such a sweet little angel face when she said it so I believed her. There is no pattern to when she pees, at school, when she is playing etc. Never at bedtime or in the morning when she wakes up. When I do find out that she has, she gives me reasons like her legs didnt want to walk to the bathroom.  Well I have found out the reason why she does it. Last month I noticed that she had scabs on her little private. I thought it was from the peeing. She has been masturbating. I caught her one day in the middle of the afternoon, and then found that her panties were wet. She pees on her self because I have told not to touch herself to the point that she leaves scabs. She is obsessed with touching herself, so much that she scratches herself. She told me that she pees because it feels good.

One day I sent her to her room for punishment and she sat in one place and stared at the floor for almost 5 hours. How is that possible for an 8 year old?


She has a huge desire to be friends with the people that are bullying her at school. When she is in social settings with her peer group, she doesnt join in , she just stands there.It is very difficult for her to communicate because she doesnt seem to be able to have 2 way conversations. She will talk and when we talk with her, she doesnt know when to step in the conversation. She just says yes mam to anything. She has a hard time with learning things like increments of money. For example, if you ask her what a quarter is worth she will say 25 cents but if you ask her how much she has with 3 quarters she cant tell you. But if you tell to add 25 three times then she can get the answer. She has an equally hard time with telling time on a clock. But she can do multiplication tables in her head. She is obsessed with drawing, She will draw for hours.

She will try to be funny and just repeat a joke that her Dad has told her. She just gives it back verbatim and doesnt know what a punchline. It is almost as if she is reading rather than telling a joke. She craves attention from me specifically. But loves to spend time with her Dad also. He plays guitar and she said she wanted to learn, so her started teaching her. She doesnt like to practice so one day he asked why she didnt like to practice and she said she didnt like the guitar.

About 1 year ago she accused a 14 year boy of touching her on her privates. After a huge investigation, and destroying a very close friendship with his parents. The investigator found no evidence of any abuse. He then talked to my daughter about it and she said it was all a lie. He asked he why she lied, she looked at him with that angel face and simply said it is fun to lie.


I think you have probably read enough. It really hits home while I am writing all of the things about her. It breaks my heart and I just dont know what to do. Please if you can give me any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Regards
A mom that is just at a loss of what to do!!!
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7 Comments Post a Comment
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787406_tn?1339206783
You need to take her to a doctor and have her diagnosed first. Before assuming anything.

Second, you need to have a lot of patience with her, it seems as if she is trying to get your attention whether good or bad. Spanking does not do any good with a child with a disability. They just can't grasp why you are doing it.

The masturbating-children soothe themselves in many ways growing up. Tell her it is okay to do that at night in the privacy of her own room.
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1262322_tn?1287416386
Hi,

What came to my mind is that Aspies are usually not cunning. I heard of some boys with Aspergers who told lies. However, usually our thinking is very straight forward so lying and specially cunning behavior is not the norm. If Aspies have a conversation with you, mostly they need to concentrate on what you are on about and what you want. All focus is on the subject and there is simply nothing left to think of a lie in the back of your head while listening so hard. Because Aspies are generally straight forward, many people find us rude. We are however capable of lying. But making up stories because it is fun to lie, seems unlikely and not logical for me as an Aspie. Lying makes ones inside twist and turn, because it is not the truth, not logical, wrong, not in line with the world.
Cunning behavior, would assume the person has some idea of what the outcome is when behaving a certain way. I doubt very much many 8 year old Aspies are able to think that way. Our whole world is uncertainty. Anything can happen and it's scary!

It is much more comfortable to tell the truth. Example: 'Do you think my dress is too tight?' (Let's say it really is too tight, because it doesn't really close over the chest. And let's also say the person want's to hear it fits just fine and we Aspies know it, because we know this person well.) Answer A We choose to make the other person feel good and lie - dress is fine. Answer B We choose the comfy answer for us and are honest - straight forward - 'It doesn't close right in the front. You shouldn't go out like that.' The concept in A however, Aspies have to learn over time and often get it wrong anyway. It does not come to us like with normal children. We would simply never think of telling a lie, because it is not usually in our nature. We do not easily grasp that some things even though true are not what people want to hear.
If your daughter has Aspergers and is frightened of your spanking or something else she might possibly come up with lies. All I can say, as a child I never lied, except once at about 10. It was an experiment. It didn't do any harm to anyone. It felt awful. (Not because of consequences, but because it wasn't true.)

It seems disturbing that your daughter masturbates to this point. Have you got her checked out?

Good luck
Kasi
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Avatar_m_tn
Two things that stood out to me are 1. you said she craves attention from you specifically and 2. you don't have a lot of positive things to say about her. She may crave your attention because she knows how you feel about her. This is a very challenging situation for both of you to be in. Do you avoid her at times when you know she needs you? Could some of her behavior be attention seeking?

She is still growing and changing and hopefully she will outgrow some of this.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have 2 children with Aspergers, and a spouse with Aspergers. They do not lie, manipulate, it is a trait of aspires to not have filters & be brutally honest. Honestly, it sounds like you really need to have her checked physically for abuse. Children in general do not lie about sexual abuse, but will blame it on someone else. It's very important to always believe your children. Wetting herself, mastubating at 8 , hurting herself, manipulation, all signs of sexual abuse. I encourage you to take her to see a child psychologist who can get to the bottom of what is hurting her.
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Avatar_f_tn
I realize the original post is old by now - maybe you'll see this or maybe it'll help others... I agree with mom2five180 that you should take your daughter to see a child psychologist (hopefully you have by now!).

How long has she exhibited the traits you describe? Since she was very young? As her mother, you of course know her best, and obviously see something going on in her. Start by taking her to her pediatrician, but she really should be seeing a child psychologist, and preferably one who specializes in autistic spectrum disorders/learning disabilities.

And you really do need to rule out any possibility of sexual abuse. Does she have boundary issues? Is it easy for her to approach people? She seems to be looking for attention - and you need to be sure she's not getting the wrong kind of attention! And the fact she has scabs - that's really worrying and you want to be sure that's from her.
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Avatar_f_tn
Agreed with all of the rest of the comments. This doesn't seem like an Aspie. Aspies are Very honest. Brutally honest. I seriously think that you should see a specialist Immediatly. This doesn't seem like Any kind of Autism to me.
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Avatar_f_tn
she is being sexually abused..the signs are there..
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