Asperger's Syndrome Community
Potty training
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Potty training

I have a 4 year old grandson ( 5 in Dec) who was recently diagnosed with a mild form of Aspergers. He has been peeing in the potty for about 1 and 1/2 years but will still hide to have a bowel movement. He will not go do # 2 in the toilet. He knows when he has to go because he will hide ahead of time to do it and them come and tell us he has and ask to be cleaned up. I believe it is just laziness on his parents part but if if a commom occurence in children with this diagnosis then I would like to have some ideas on how to proceed in getting him trained before Kindergarten. It is a requirement that all 5 year olds must be trained before enrollment. His parents believe it will traumatize him to engage a protocol to teach him and they just want to wait til he is ready . He has not been ready for 3 years since the potty training began and he is perfectly happy with the way he does it now. They rush to clean him with no consequences except to say to needs to go before the act. I need help and want to do the right thing but they are convinced it is just a symptom of the Aspergers and will not attempt any kind of program to remedy this situation.

Bigred
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your grandson may need to be homeschooled for 5k
i have not had personal experience with problems toilet training, but i do know that you cannot "push" a kid on the spectrum into submisive behavior without causing trauma
my mother was very strict when it came to homework, she would drill me everyday after school, she later became my enemy
it sounds like your daughter has the right idea, or atleast the idea that is readily accepted in my circle
i am a member of an aspers parent support program, this situation comes up every week someone has a child who is struggling with this
one last thing i wanted to mention, please rememeber that you are the grandparent, if you start stepping on your daughters maternal instincts she may cutt off contact
i am saying this because i am going through something like that with my mother
she does not agree with homeschooling, and will not leave the sitution alone,
i did not agree with the way she treated my learning disibilities, but i am know to keep my mouth shut
sometimes its best to bit our tounges, even when we feel pasionantly about something
these parents are not lazy, my son was still going to the bathroom in his pants when he was in 2nd grade, because he did not want to use the schools bathroom
calling the parents of this child lazy will get you in some trouble,
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Toiletting problems are common with autistic spectrum disorders.  It is something that needs to be worked on by professionals working with the parents.  Sometimes ABA works, sometimes the child will learn the skill but just later on.
It would be much better if you can all work together on this.
Sometimes autistic children can behave totally differently in different environments eg. they may use the toilet at home but not at school.  The child is not being awkward or naughty.  They don't see it as the same thing in a different place.
It isn't the parents being lazy.  I am sure they would love their child to be toilet trained like all the other kids, but it just may not happen.  It will eventually, but the more you all stress out about it and push the child the more he will try to avoid that situation which could delay him even further.
He maybe in diapers for quite some time.  That is an issue that the family has to deal with.  It is very hard to see your child (and grandchild), who may appear so very capable in some areas, and yet struggle with some simple every day tasks.  But this is typical of autism.  There are some adults who are quite capable of giving seminars about autism, but at home they cannot cook or make their own bed.  These types of difficulties are know as Executive Function Disorder.  If you google it it might give you some ideas of the kind of sequencing, organisation and planning problems your grandchild might have.  That may or maynot be related to his reluctance to use the toilet.  But I think the parents need some advice on it so that you can all work together, because any skill he learns in one environment such as home, has then to be generalise to other environments such as your house and school.  It is very typical for these children to learn skills, but not to be able to use that learnt skill in a different environment or with different people.
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My own son, who is on the spectrum, was potty trained by 3 (alot aren't).  However he refused to wipe himself and after going to the toilet always had to shout for me to come and tell him what to do.  Since starting at his new school they did a picture board for him which shows him in symbols exactly what he has to do.  At first he took it with him into the toilet.  Now he just has to look at it before he goes to the toilet.  But since the school have used this he has stopped shouting me to come into the bathroom to tell him what he has to do next.  He is 7.5 years now.  So he was stuck at that stage of being toilet trained, but not independent for 4.5 years.  Don't worry.  Your grandchild will learn.
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