Q for adult aspies & people who love them

Someone in my family -- a male in his 50s -- seems to have Asperger's though it's not officially diagnosed. Friends and family members agree that the symptoms fit him to a T. So here's the question: Should we tell him? Is there a sense of relief ("oh, that's why I have problems fitting in...") or just a greater sense of failure ("that sounds horrible!"). He tends to have a hard time "hearing" things, if you know what I mean. But, it seems to me, knowing (plus making a commitment to make some adjustments) would help him fit in better, feel more secure, etc. (On the other hand, CAN Aspies make personal changes?!?! What's the consensus on that?) Would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this...and thanks!

[spunkykitty]

i was officially diagnosed at age 42 - 2 years ago... the diagnosis was a great relief to me and helped me in my journey and search for resolutions and new solutions and adjustments... so in my case, yes, knowing for sure was a great positive spur in the right direction... but i sought this myself, not thru anyone else's suggestion... how open is ur relative / sibling to suggestions or gentle prompting?...

but yes, aspies (like everyone else) at any age can make personal changes... but it all depends on each individual's ability to cope and take charge... not everyone is the same... and a lot of love and patience is needed... from others around who care, and from ourselves for ourselves, along this learning journey...

[cc0902]

Thanks for taking time to comment...great help! I'm relatively new to the AS world (as a sibling) and am trying to learn more about it. I've read about 6 books but now I need some practical advice! If you don't mind, could you give me a basic primer on what to do and what not to do around my brother. For example, he seems quite calm at times but then suddenly does something incredibly insensitive or mean, even exploding into anger...he actually shakes when the latter happens to give you an example of how enraged he becomes. Any thoughts about this???

[CindyGal]

Hi,
I just read your post and I too a-m in the same situation with my 28-year-old nephew. He has not been diagnosed, but he has it. Everything about him points to it. I told my mother that he has it and asked her to read up on it. I think she is more in denial. I would love to tell him, but don't know how to approach him about it without getting him upset. I am glad to know there are other family members who are living with this as well. I thought it was just in my family.

[MaryannesMom]

I have a 12 year old daugther with AS and a 50 year old husband with AS, and I'm sure I'm on the spectrum, too, as I'm very sensitive to sounds/touch/smells.  After living with AS, it is so easy for me to spot people on the spectrum--and there are SO MANY OUT THERE, and they don't even know it!  I think anyone would benefit from knowing about the AS spectrum and that they are on it, because then they can understand why they act/react the way they do to life.  That is 1/2 the battle.  The other 1/2 is getting with a therapist (cognitive behavior therapist is probably best) who can help them identify their "hot buttons" and show them other ways to express themselves.