The "doesn't fit in" lifestyle

My son has asperger's and I believe I do too. I've never been diagnosed, I suppose age has something to do with it. When I read about what it is, it fits what I have experienced all of my life. When I was young, I spent countless hours playing with plastic beads and shoe boxes that I made into houses for the "bead people" to live in while most of the normal toys my parents purchased were left in the closet. I never enjoyed supposed "friends" coming over to play with me, and when they did, I wasn't interested. I'm still like this now, and it is the reason I do not socialize regularly. All my years of school were spent being teased or completely ignored, and almost all of my teachers thought of me as a waste of time getting involved with. Of course, this kind of behavior has left me unable to be successful and looks like endlessly on ssi. Every job I've had as ended up with me failing to fit in or do the job effectively. I work at a very slow pace, and there isn't any job (that pays enough to live on) out there in the mainstream for people who are odd and slow. Please don't call me an idiot. I'm not one. It's just that I have more difficulty comprehending the way most people do.

[MJIthewriter]

You're not an idiot..

It's very possible for both you and your child to have aspergers or some form of autism. It does tend to run in familes.
As far as the not being successful, some of it may be to the challenges you faced with your challenges, but some of it is the misunderstanding the public has about autism, etc... People tend to assume they are rude, antisocial, etc...

One thing that may help is to get active into some positive autism communities to see that you and your child are not alone. You'll also get a chance to talk with other autistic people to find out what things helped them get through. Just because you may have autism doesn't mean you can't be successful.  It's a shame that in your time period not much was understood about autism and it is harder.

Look up Temple Grandin. She has aspergers, but very successful with what she does.  She uses her obsession with animals and her ability to see the world in the same point of view that a cow would to help her career.

One place I'd like you to take a look at is ANI (Autism Network International). They are an autism advocacy group.  There is also wrongplent.net which is a community/forum designed by people with autism for people with autism to express their point of view, get help and support, or just vent off frustrations.

Also a lot has to do with attitude.  If you believe you are flawed, that will affect how you see the world and how you will perform. There are some things you don't do as well as other people. I'm sure not everyone is skilled at skydiving... Not everyone is a supermodel and not everyone is the president.  But that doesn't mean you lack gifts of your own. I'm sure if you think about it you have unique gifts of your own, probably gifts that others wish they had.

Try to think positivly.  Also I'd like to know what kinds of jobs were you trying? Were they jobs that matched your abilities?  If I'm trying to work at a job where I'm expected to be overly social and get along with a wide group of people, of course I'm not going to do well. But if I can find a job that fits my nich, then I will go a lot further.

As far as getting a job, I'm hoping I will be able to find a career that I will enjoy.  I'm hoping some day that my art and writing will get me somewhere. Take advantage of the services that are available. If there aren't any, then it's time to join the fight to make it happen.

[MJIthewriter]

Oops I meant wrongplanet.net I type in a hurry...

[Sally44]

I also wanted to add that there are many non autistic people who feel they don't fit into the society.
I am classed as disabled, my son is autistic.  My husband works part time.  We have a very low income supplemented by benefits.  These last two years we have rented some land and we keep animals on it.  We also grow nearly all our own food.  We live very simply and we are very happy.  Strive for the things that make YOU happy.  Don't strive for the society norm.  
I don't fit in with most of the other people I meet.  I have totally different objectives and aims in life.  That doesn't mean that mine are any less valid or important.
Do what you are good at and what you enjoy and take pleasure in your own life.  You can be a success without earning huge amounts of money.  Infact most people who have loads or money are very unhappy and feel they have no 'purpose' in life.

[MJIthewriter]

Sally's got good advice here.

[yerehs]

Thank you for the very good advice.
MJIthewriter-
I will look that up and check out the things you mentioned. I sure have enough time on my hands. Thanks.

Sally44-
I especially agree with this. You're really blessed to be able to live simple. Sounds like you've done the right things for yourself. Wonderful post.

[mtgoat911]

yerehs, your story is very familiar to my own, my oldest son (9) was diagnosed with asp., i too had several of the warning signs, infact i had all of them i was born in 1975 so all the docs were telling kids like me...oh, they just need ritilin, not true at all, speed was horrible for my aspergers, made me very depressed, big crash, infact it is the same crash that cocaine addicts have during cocaine detox, so there i was a child dealing with asp. and having to deal with the horrific experiences that each new medication gave me, i finally found a shink who is willing to help me with my symptoms, she has already put in a disclaimer that she is no autism expert, she even spent a good amount of her free time trying to find me a doctor who treats adult asp., we could not find one....when my son was diagnosed everything became clear, in a way i am very happy to know what i have, it is treatable, hopefully we can talk more, MJ is awesome i talk to her alot, she was the first person i have every talked to that i could say look man, i do this, isnt it wiered and 9 times out of 10 she has had the experience, i will try to check in with this forum more, we all need eachother, in the last few years i began writting down each personality trait i hated about myself then i would find others who have been there, with the asp. symptoms it was MJ, other things such as parenting and smoking i did workbooks, i feel that as long as i continue to work on myself and do the next right thing my life will constantly get better.

and to sally, thats wonderful all your food is organic! great for your asp. and over all health

[zetetiac]

I have not been diagnosed - officially.  But several of my counselors through the years have suggested that I may be AS and also the daughter of my Aspi grandson swears that I am.  I diagreed with everyone for years, but after learning about AS, I am sure that I am an Aspi now.

For me, anyway, realizing that I have AS has helped me immensely.  I now understand many things about myself that I didn't before - from early childhood on.

I do understand what you say about AS being a barrier at work.  I worked for years and it was very difficult for me - everything from socializing with my coworkers to understanding rules.  They aren't alway in black and white and I just can't seem to understand the gray areas.)  But I did figure out, after much trial and error, that I work best when I work mostly by myself and in small offices.

I am 60 years old now and function so much better in the NT world than I ever did before.  We can learn, you know.  

And what I haven't been able to change to fit their world, I accept about myself.  There is nothing wrong with being different - as long as you are happy.

I no longer work, but am quite happy being by myself most of the time.  I love the internet and find I can communicate with people much easier and better in writing.  I think part of that is that I have more time to think about what I want to say and how to say it.  And I don't get all of the facial expressions that I wonder what they mean.  I wonder if I am the only Aspi that feels this way.  In any event, communicating with people over the internet has also helped me to have the confidence to be a little more social with people in "real life".  

I belong to another community and have many friends there - Aspi and NT.  This is something I never had in my entire life.  But I have found that there are many people who accept me just as I am.

I guess what I really want to say to you is this:  One thing I realized is that AS is seen as a "problem" because Aspis are in the minority.  If there were more Aspis than there were NT's, then the NT's would be seen as different, yes?

From my point of view, there is no right or wrong way to be.  It is all about perception.  

And also I have found that there are communities of Asperians all over - on the internet and in real life.  And I happen to love Aspis!

[Rach67]

i probably have Aspergers, at least some traits.  I was a very lonely child, in high school I had some freinds, but felt that most kids were "sheep" playing follow the leader, which I didn't do, which does make you stand out.  I still feel different to most people and find men easier to talk to than most women.

My sons diagnosis  has been a revalation for me, because it explains why I am like I am, that I am not "a bit nuts" as my partner indulgently tells me every so often, I think differently.

With the job situation, I have had several career changes, because I enjoy learning a job more than I do doing it - a job needs to throw up new challenges for me to get my teeth into or I get totally bored.

Maybe try volunteering at a few places and you could find a field that interests you - maybe a home based business would suit you?

Cheers,

Rachel

[MJIthewriter]

Yeah they had me on that ritilin too for all of 2 days? maybe 3...  Needless to say horrible flop! My dad said the school demanded I not take that stuff ever again....

I guess it made me _MORE_ hyper and a bit psychotic too... I spoke whatever was on my mind and went a mile a minute...at least that's what I think I've been told. I just remember talking about random thoughts that made sense to me but no one else...

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zetetiac welcome to the forum :) It's great to see more autistic people posting and ones with a positive approach to life.

I mean autism isn't all roses and honey (some people may make it out to be as if it is better than being NT), but it isn't all doom and gloom either... That's the perspective I want and hope the world will be able to see.  One that is balanced and no fear and no misconceptions....
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Rach67, welcome onboard :)