my son is a young 4year old who is about to start week 5 of school (2nd week of full time). his behaviour is getting so bad that he is about to be excluded from school.
by reading reports we feel he may have aspergers, he ticks some but not all the boxes
background: from a very early age he was always a bit of a hand full, before he was walking, if he was frustrated with something he would often throw the item then crawl to the nearest hard surface and headbutt it.
i always dreaded/dread taking him out as more than often it would be an exhaulsting experience. he started walking at 10 months and his speech came shortly after. he always wants to do things above his capability and always thinks he knows best, he's quite clumsy.
he loves going out and doesnt mind crowded places but always very quick to lash out if someone upset him.
at preschool he had difficulties controlling his temper but any outburst was always provoked.
from a very early age he has had really intense tantrums often shocked by his own behaviour when he's calm.
he can play nicely with a small group of children but his main problems are at play times.
he can not share and always wants what someone else haves, he is very confident and will approach older boys.
often when we take him out he enjoys talking (constantly) to adults and has no fear of stangers.
his current school feel he is very intelligent and speaks better than most.
when we are out people often comment about how polite and chatty he is, a few of our friends think he talks like a victorian gentleman. he understands most things and is very aware of his surroundings, the world and space.
he often gets frustrated with some classmates that can not communicate as well as him.
he has no respect for adults and can be very rude and cheeky, he sulks like a teenager. his attention span is ok but he can not sit still, even when watching a film with us he is fidgeting and jumping from one sofa to another, he loves dinosaurs and can name pretty much all of them and he loves snakes etc but i wouldnt say its an obsession.
during the school holidays there were very few outbursts, we took him to many public places and nothing major happened, however, since starting school in sept he has gradually got worse. his teacher says the main issues are during transition time when changing from one thing to the next, packing up and playtime. if he is busy with something he doesnt want to stop, he doesnt like packing up (we make him tidy toys every evening without trouble).
although he has hit out often he has never spat of bit until going to this new school.
off our own back we have a child psycologist who has been working with us and they have just referred him on to be tested however she doesnt think he has aspergers, adhd etc and it was a push to get her to agree to refer him on, our family doctor and health visitor also feel the same however they have only ever seen the very polite, well spoken, caring boy.
we also have a 18 month old daughter, he very rarely lashes out at her and cares about her very much.
recent episodes at school include.. spitting in a childs lunch, hitting children, hitting adults, being rude to teachers and he bit a boy so hard he left teeth marks. i am absolutly mortified by his behaviour but cant help thinking that the school are wrong to exclude him without trying to help. all they have done so far is given him a report book so that we are aware of any bad behaviour but also to tell us when he has done something good.
we have had a meeting with his teacher and the head teacher and a special needs teacher. the special needs teacher asked for a report from the pyscologist (which we gave to them) so that they can apply for funding for a TA, we thought this was a good idea as be is better behaved when an adult is with him however the head teacher said that its unlikely they will get funding and if they do the fund will go towards a TA for the whole class and not just for our son. surely this is wrong?
we have a meeting with the deputy head and the head of the school to "discuss reducing hours prior to excluding" our son will not realise that his hours are being cut or if he's excluded, he may get upset if he goes home before everyone else but will forget about it quickly so this will not improve his behaviour it just seems to me that the school just cant be bothered with a difficult child.
again his behaviour is not acceptable but surely they should give him a chance.
will the school think differently if he is diagnosed with aspergers etc?
we are so worried about the future to the point where i am seeking councilling for help on how to handle stress and my emotions, i find it difficult not to get bogged down with it all, its so over whelming.
in his preschool alot of the parents ganged would gossip about him, in front of their own children, whilst i was in ears reach, often i found myself biting my tounge, and it caused problems in class when children repeated what they heard their parents say about him. our son is very sensitive so would lash out at anyone being mean.
on one hand i want to defend my child to the end but on the other hand i can see why other parents feel like that whichj i why i say nothing.
so by what you have read can i please hear your views? do you think he has aspergers or a similar condition? do you think his school are correct?
any advice would be appreciated
oh and just another point in case valid.... i was told i had a low egg count and couldnt have children, we had a couple of IVF consultations and after a few tests they found i had an overactive thyroid and was later diagnosed with graves disease, i was on medication for 3 months before i found out i was pregnant then put on another type which didnt cross the placenta so much, could this have affecting my son in any way?
my son was delivered by an emergency C section as his heart kept stopping. could the way he was brought into the world be a reason??
This does not sound as Asperger syndrome. His severe aggressive behavior does not match with Asperger syndrome, it sounds much more like some conduct disorders.
Birth traumas may affect the attachment of a child, and it may also make up for post-traumatic stress disorder. Attachment disorder may be similar to many of the symptoms of Asperger syndrome and also have the symptom of severe aggressive behavior in the worst cases.
thanks for taking the time to read and reply. after more research i dont feel that my son has aspergers. we had a meeting with the head today and he wanted to exclude our son but after a very long discussion we settled in reducing his hours. we have been told today that our son is violent on a daily basis towards staff andf pupils, mainly staff. this, i know, isnt acceptable but we have done everything in our power to stop this. he is rarely violent at home and never bit before going to this school. apparently he is the most violent pupil in the whole school yet the youngest in the whole school. really dont know what to do to help him to control his anger, any further input would be appeaciated
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