no question just a vent

Well, I had posted once about being married to a person with Aspergers syndrome.  I know that there is no answers for this and that noone can fix the problems. I love my family. Husband and daughter both are AS. It has been getting worse over the years and has gotten to the point that my husband and I are strangers. He came home tonight while i was in the shower. I know cause I heard him talking to my daughter and the cats and dog. By the time I finished up with my shower he had retired to "his" room and I didn't and haven't even seen him today at all. If I was to ask a question it would probably be does this sound Asperger or I don't freaking want to see your _____! LOL I have to laugh to keep my daughter from knowing thet Im really crying. Oh well just another day in the life of mine. Suck it up and deal with it. Right?

[Dazon50]

I wish it was better for you \O/.  You are right...no easy answer, but there are things to try.  

:-)

[rettiuq]

list a few I'm willing

[Dazon50]

I sent a friend invite :-)

[KarenDiane]

I'm sorry you are hurting. What your husband did sounds like something my Aspie daughter would do. Aspies can be quite oblivious.

[LynneAV]

My personal opinion:  Even when an AS person has the urge, need, compulsion to be alone, he or she does not HAVE to always indulge him/herself and hurt someone else, especially a spouse.  If  the AS person cannot control this, at least much of the time, and learn to apologize and ask politely for some alone time or whatever it is that he or she needs at the moment, then he or she really should not have gotten married.  My personal opinion is that many younger AS people have been taught by parents and counselors and schools and social services, etc., that it is perfeclty ok to indulge themselves totally at all times because they have a "disability."  AS can be an enormous life challenge, but here is a news flash -- we CAN control ourselves when WE decide it is necessary to do so. Life ain't perfectly easy for ANYbody, just sayin' ...  

Yes, we are often (or usually) oblivious.  Back in the day, my Mom would have none of that, and she smacked me out of my oblivian quite often (I'm in my 60's now).  Yes that was an unpleasant childhood and totally "unfair!"  But on the other hand, I did learn to be self-sufficient and considerate to others when I have to be around them. I am not recommending child abuse, but perhaps there is a happy medium in child rearing for AS people. Myself, I would not recommend entering a relationship with a lifelong indulged Aspie unless you're heavy into masochism.

[therese83]

My husband up and left one day.  He just left me with four kids.  I had absolutely no warning.  I was a very good wife to him, i am a good person i have values, i am loyal and i covered for him so much.  He said "you are old, some men prefer older women and i dont"  I am 7 years younger than him, i work out i look after my health.

He said "there was a lot going on in his head".  He is living a very sad binge drinking life now.

I feel i wasted 25 years trying to make him happy , he just said 'bye' , the children were completely heart broken, i am seeing a family therapist to help me talk to them explain etc.

He said "Get over it, lots of marriages break up"   one week after going.  He was excited and looking for a 'new girlfriend' and telling me.   I cant have any more to do with him, it is a bereavement for me.

Don't waste your, because some of the people with this learning disorder ,  they just go when they feel like it and do not understand why you are crying/heaving/dying inside.

I adored this quirky man who loved me , or so i thought.  

[Kasiminchen]

Hi,

I was wondering if something else happened that day, between you and your husband or at his place of work? There are times when it can get so very,very hard to just say hello or even look at people. There are times when things happen or were said and all day we try to work them out and because we often cannot it just gets worse. It can build up to a level were we want to scream or something like that. When I get to that stage, I prefer to avoid people as not to get into a fight with close ones, who have nothing to do with my issues. But, can I workout the problem partly I can find the questions I need to ask to understand and I will then do so.
Could something similar have gone on with your husband that night? Maybe he hoped you would go into his room and 'snap him out of his state' by just saying something normal?? Why didn't you go and say hi to him? Sure, he should have come to you - but for some reason he did not - it isn't right, I just wonder if it doesn't go both ways. His Aspergers should not be used as excuse for bad behavior. Like everybody, sometimes we need a little push or 'pick me up'...
Oblivious, as some suggested? I'm not sure all of us are. But then I was raised to be thoughtful and my thoughts have always included others - often just not in the way they expected.

Anyway, hi LynneAV, you wrote: 'many younger AS people have been taught, it is perfectly OK to indulge themselves totally at all times because they have a "disability' - that's really awful. What a nonsense! I've noticed that this is not just so when it comes to Aspies though. It seems to be part of today's society. In former times when someone was a bit different he was an eccentric, accepted or not but nothing special. Now everybody seems all to keen to find some kind of disorder and nurture it in order to be special and explain their quirks.

Dear therese83, sorry this happened to you. Please, don't be blaming it all on Aspergers. My stepfather left without warning one day (the day my Mum and himself wanted to buy X-mas pressies). He did not have Aspergers. He never wanted to see his little son, my Mum or me again, never even sent a postcard. We needed years to recover.
My friends dad in high school did pretty much the same and forced them to sell their home as well. He also showed no signs of Aspergers.
Maybe in your case it is all about Aspergers, but in general I believe men can just be that stupid.

Kasiminchen