20yr old with aspergers

[rainshower]

he was diagnosed when he was 6 years old with aspergers, his main issues where outbursts and melt downs, as time went on I realized alot of his outburst happened when he wasn't understanding what was happening around him, or the language we were using, he was very litteral, and didn't get slang or sarcasem. His melt downs were caused by overstimulated by colours noise smell and touch or crowds, malls, resturants ect....he slept through the night for the first time at 5 1/2 years old with taking a sleeping pill. he took risperal,various sleeping pills and seratine which helped, My son was very repetative and would get something in his head and it could take days or weeks for him to move on to something else, he was always in special classes. My son has done very well  I spent alot of time trying to help and understand the way he works so to limit outburst and meltdowns and make life easier for both of us. My son has grown over the years into a fairly functional young man, his doctors are very impressed from the improvement when he was six they thought he was untrainable, now at 20 goes to school has partime job and sometimes will go out with friends  and he actually has friends. My question is I have never felt closeness from my son I feel I am someone he just goes to to get his needs met, or to let off stem with. I am some one that can do something for him and if not he has nothing to do with me. he doesn't hold conversations like other kids he doesn't say I love you or doesn't seem to notice when I am upset or angry with him.shows no empathy, why is this how do you change this aspect? I think I could die and he would just carry on and find someone else to fill his needs.He doesn't like to be touched much or held and what about relationships he has never had one will he?? How do you help with these kind of promblems? he also seems angry about having this condition says he will have a bad life

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA]

It sounds like your son has made tremendous progress and I think many parents of individuals diagnosed with autism will relate to what you’re saying. This lack of sensitivity to social situations, to social interactions, is a common theme underlying the autism diagnosis. It is almost unbearably hard to love an individual with autism and not see signs of that being reciprocated. Your son is who he is and, while he can learn and grow, there is nothing that I can recommend that will take away his autism. He is a unique individual who, like all of us, has his strengths and weaknesses and, at the end of the day, he has to be accepted and loved for who he is. I have known many parents of individuals with autism who have found comfort and understanding in talking with other parents going through what they are and in sharing their experiences with them. Perhaps you would find this helpful as well.

[MaryannesMom]

I have an Aspie 12 year old daughter who acted the same way toward me as your son to you.  She would say mean things to me, too, but deep down, I always knew it was the AS talking.  I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt emotinally, but try to logically acknowledge that due to his AS he is not capable of showing those emotions.  Luckily, once my daugther hit puberty emotions started gushing out of her and she will often now tell me how much she loves me.  This just confirmed to me that I was right all along--they feel it, but do not know how to express it, and quite possibly their "logic" overrides their feelings.  Good luck to you and your son.

[MaryannesMom]

Also, about your son being angry about his life, please, please, please point out to him the positives of having AS (which, by the way, there are many!).  He has to have something that he is good at, possibly his "special interest" topic.  Alot of times for Aspie's it would be computer related.  Try to encourge him to develop those skills into something employable.  Once he has a mission, hopefully he will not be so angry.