Autism and social communication

[888mom]

Can someone with autism be social?  

Our daughter was diagnosed with PDD a few months ago.  She recently turned 3.  She has delayed language, many sensory issues, OCD-like behavior, does not understand social cueing, and pretty much all the other autistic tendencies except the social factor.  She loves to be the center of attention and loves to play with other kids.  She does not understand social cueing and has some strange behaviors when she socializes.  She is now in developmental preschool through the public school system, and when they did her evaluation, they said she fit their criteria for autism.  They recognized that she was social and very intelligent and that would help her develop a lot of coping skills.  At her IEP meeting, one of the therapists explained that her social communication, although present, was markedly different so she still fit their criteria.  That part confuses me.

Is it possible the doctors have her diagnosis wrong?  Can the school system also be wrong?  Should we wait until she is older?  The developmental pediatrician who diagnosed her said she had PDD, but that PDD was part of an umbrella of diagnoses, and that what type of PDD she had could not be assessed until she was older.  Does PDD mean autism?  Is it possible to grow out of many autistic traits?

[Sally44]

I know you've posted for an expert, but I wanted to tell you that for a long time I was thinking along the same lines as yourself.  BUT, after a couple of years, I am now aware that eventhough my son is very capable at some things in certain situations, his abilities are not generalised across the whole of his development and in many situations he is unable to give a 'normal' response.  
It may become more evident as your daughter gets older as to what her social strengths and weaknesses are.  That is the hard part to get to grips with.  It isn't that an autistic child 'can't' or 'doesn't' want to socialise.  It is that they will again show a 'spiky profile'.  So they may socialise brilliantly with some people, in some environments or situations - but be totally unable to socialise, or appear disinterested in other environments or with other people.  So a child with Aspergers may be able to socialise by talking to someone about his interests, but although that is socialising that child does not have an 'appropriate' way of interacting.  He is talking at the other person with no understanding or interest of whether the other person is even interested in what he is saying.  And he may also not be interested in what the other person wants to say to him, so the conversation can be very one sided.
Their need to socialise seems to be driven only by 'what they are getting out of it'.  It is very egocentric.  They don't socialise for the sake of it.  They aren't interested in (or aware of) the social do's and don'ts.  
They also have poor 'theory of mind', which plays a big part on how they interact.
Having a spiky profile means that certain skills will develop and may develop way ahead of her peers.  But these skills seem to be good because they are associated with their interests and therefore they are motivated to do them and improve these skills.  But they can totally neglect other areas of development because there isn't the motivation or the ability there.  
My son can tease me, and trick me.  He can lie convincingly.  He can blame his sister for something he has done.  Alot of it he has seen on TV, but he is beginning to use that learnt information and manipulate it into a new/different event, which is very encouraging.  But no matter how good he gets, I still don't think he will be off the spectrum because there are other skills that he simply cannot do.  
Does any of that make any sense?

[888mom]

I wanted to add that our daughter does many things above her age level.  She is 3 years and 2 months old, approximately.  Her verbal ability is more like someone who is not yet 2.  Her self-help skills are also in that age level as well (she is just learning how to feed herself, for example).  And although she doesn't speak much, she's learning how to read, does 40 piece puzzles, and problem solves more like a 4 or 5 year old would.  She also has an amazing sense of humor that astounds her doctors.  Is her brain just developing at different rates and the other things will catch up?  Though, I suppose the adherence to rituals, difficulty transitioning between activities, and sensory issues may not go away?