Co-sleeping with 2 Autistic children ages 7 & 4

I am a 46-year-old mother of 3 children ages 16, 7, & 4-all boys. My two younger boys are Autistic and currently sleep with me.  There have been many major changes recently in our lives.  My husband is in jail facing time because he & my 16-year-old had a physical altercation, my 16-year-old has moved, at least temporarilly, with his father & is in therapy for anger issues. I find nothing wrong with small children co-sleeping with their parents as long as they are safe and of course there is nothing sick going on.  My oldest child slept with me when he was young & I feel that that's the reason he sleeps well as a teen.  When children feel loved,safe & nurtured I think they transition to their own bed once they are ready & feel comfortable doing it.  However, I am now taking fire from an outside source who has no children who says that it is inappropriate for me to allow my children to sleep with me & that I will be transitioning them to their own bed whether I like it or not. By the way when I initially asked this caseworker if she had kids she asked if dogs count! Also when I again asked about if she wanted kids she said she didn't have any & didn't want them! Is it ok for my 2 younger boys to sleep with me? I don't think MORE change for them is good at this time. Autistic kids thrive on routine!

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA-D]

I can’t speak to the preferences of the caseworker or any legalities involved but I have seen numerous situations where children with autism are sleeping in bed with their parents. Typically, however this isn’t an ideal situation and leads to problems down the road even if it’s working alright at the moment. Being able to be comfortable sleeping in a room by yourself is something that everyone has to learn. It’s important for later life and important to allow privacy for both children and parents. It would be a good idea to start now so that it doesn’t become a big issue later. I have worked with many parents who struggle with older children who become disruptive or aggressive if they are not allowed to sleep in bed with parents and, at that point, it’s something that can be very difficult to deal with. I understand your desire to keep things stable for your sons and to provide them with support but they also need to grow and develop and become independent. Now might be a good time to go ahead and get them sleeping in their own beds, in my experience getting them comfortable with that now will be a good thing.