Could this be Aspergers or ODD? I am in tears and at the end of my tether!!

My son is 6 yrs old and has always had a temper and I have always felt he was different to other children (since about 10 months old)
He has made no friends at school, he sometimes refuses to go! .... He said he is being bullied at school and we have been to discuss this, however it seems he just "feels" that he is being bullied - he blames everyone else for his own errors eg- if he falls off of his bike he will say "that was your fault" in an agressive manner - makes random noises while sitting watching TV or playing, is unable to grasp the rules of games, so disrupts the game or activity.
He purposly torments his sister and any other children that are playing nicely (by poking or ruining the game) and just recently he has started to swear (he is NEVER exposed to swear words at home) - he says things like "so, I will just smash the TV up then" .... "why should I do it you idiot"  we have tried all sorts of consequences for unacceptable behaviour - Reward charts (he doesn't "get" the concept), Confiscation of toys (he says he doesn't care), Talking about why the behaviour was unacceptable (he will sit listening but when finished can not tell us what was wrong with his behaviour), he seems to understand at the time but will do the same thing again immediately - he just doesn't "get it"
He also stuggles with eye contact when in conversation - if we remind him to look at us while we are talking he flits his eyes for a second and then they stray again...he doesn't seem to get the concept of conversation, he interupts or he will talk over them. He can have his moments of being an angel but he seems to be struggling more lately as the swearing and aggressive way of talking is increasing.
This behaviour does seem to be worse when with me, I can't think why, he seems more defiant towards me ...with others he is still a torment to other children and struggles to join in activities but doesn't seem to be as openly rude! I hope somebody can help  

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA-D]

ReesMom02 makes a great suggestion.  If you have concerns, absolutely have your son assessed.  Your pediatrician can point to a professional trained to do those assessments.  Even if he doesn't recieve an autism-spectrum disorder diagnosis, the behavior problems you describe can be treated.  Seek out a therapist or behavior analyst with experience working with children like your son.  Help is out there and it can make a world of difference.  In general, it sounds like you're going in the right direction trying out different contingencies.  The trick is finding the consequences he really cares about.  Special reinforcers for periods of time where he's good, and time out from reinforcers for inappropriate behavior.

[ReesMom02]

Have you considered having him diagnosed? Our aspie child needed therapy to help work on the issues you mention. They do blame other people for things, they make odd noises, fidget, don't make friends, and will be picked on in school if the proper things aren't in place to help them.
In fact we took my son out of public school and home schooled him for two years while we worked on social skills therapy, and getting a proper diagnosis. Now he will be going back to school but with the proper therapy and supports in place.
Asperger child do not mean to sound rude, they just speak matter of fact all the time. They are not capable of putting themselves in your shoes to realize how a comment might affect someone else. If something is, then it just is to them.

I would consider seeing a psychologist or developmental pediatrician who might be able to help you determine if he has Asperger's.  Once we did that....things improved because we were able to obtain the resources to teach my son how to have a conversation without interrupting. And that he can't always blurt out what he's thinking. Etc...certainly not easy of course, but at least you'd have some insight into why he's this way.