Help for my son

[tara1414]

Hi, my son is 22 years old and has all the signs of aspergers syndrome. He was never diagnosed, and as a child we thought he was just shy, and was told he had ocd. He is very high functioning  and drives, has a part time job and has graduated from college. But he lacks any kind of social skills. He also has sensory issues. I am presently working with him on his social skills, and his sensory problems with the help of other parents on different forums I have been on. . My first question is when was aspergers discovered and used as a diagnosis, It seems like noone even heard of it when my son was small in the early nineties..He went through hell in grammer school with all the constant teasing and bullying, and in high school he had a hard time also because he didnt know how to make new freinds or to ask a girl out on a date.

I have always tried to help him with social skills, but I never knew he had aspergers until about two years ago when my nephew was diagnosed with it. It was at that time as well that we realized that my dad had it also. My dad is now 80 years old .and was also high functioning..

My son has hardly ever worn jeans, only sweat pants or very loose pants, he has to constantly be reminded to wear deodorent, he pays very little attention to his appearence and appears to be rude and stand offish in social situations, even in family situations. I have learned alot about aspergers over the past few years I wonder about what it is exactly that causes this. I am very happy that I now know why my son is the way he is and I am trying to educate the rest of my family on it as well. His friends get bored with him, even his cousins that he was once closer to as children are getting bored with him, , I dont think they fully understandhis disorder..

I wondered what causes the sensory issues (pulling back when someone tries to hug him or gets to close to him, wearing loose fitting clothing etc.? What more can I do to help him more? thanks.

[William H Ahearn, Ph.D., BCBA]

Obviously your son has done quite well with your guidance and support, getting through college and living what sure seems to be a fairly independent life.  You mention that he has no social skills but I'm going to assume that he gets along well enough in a school setting, at least with his teachers. Socializing with peers seems to be a more pressing concern. There is no magic to learning social skills so searching out social skills building experiences would seem to be the best course of action.

As to your first question, Asperger's is a form of autism.  If you question whether your son has it then you should have a professional screen him.  All forms of autism are likely genetic disorders.  You mention other affected family members so there seems little reason to question that there is a genetic link.  Autism was discovered by Kanner and Asperger in the 1940s but was not well recognized as a common developmental disorder until much more recently in the early 1990s.  Many children are still not diagnosed until 8 or older and those children with mild forms of autism spectrum disorder likely still go undiagnosed.  Some debate exists in the research literature as to whether there is a useful distinction between high-functioning autism and Asperger's Syndrome.  The debate is fairly academic and not particularly relevant to figuring out how to tackle the problems one encounters when helping those with autism through life.  As a parent, you seem very dedicated to helping your son.  I suggest that you start looking into social skills groups.  If you searched on the internet for your town and autism groups, you will find that there are a number of groups within 50 miles of your home town (from Princeton NJ to Bethlehem, PA).  

Best of luck.

[Raga26]

Hi Tara
I was so glad to read your post. My son, 13 now was diagnosed with Asperger's 5 years ago. My husband refuses to acknowledge this & as a consequence there is always a stressful atmosphere at home. There is also no help group/person qualified to help us where we live in the Middle-East. He is high functioning & pretty good at his studies, very social, but has problems with eating certain foods, and absolutely no idea of time/responsibility, & gets irritable very easily. He also tends to switch off in class, & has problems organizing his books, clothes, notes etc. I am trying get in touch with a support group/qualified person, & also trying to get more info. about Asperger's.