I got so Frusterated...

My son most likely has autism.. He is 2 1/2 years old. And he is seeing both a speech therapist and social development therapist.. He is on a waiting list for an Autism evaluation! I love my son very much, but things seem to get harder and harder day by day.. He can not even say one word, he just speaks jibberish. He bites, kicks, hits, and screams all the time when he does not get his way, which is about every thing. I cant even take him shopping anymore, he wants everything and if I dont let him have it, he screams like someone is killing him!! He is only happy if I let him watch Barney or Caillou. He obsesses over random things like spitting, biting his finger nails, throwing dirt or grass all over him self when he plays out side. I always have to have him in a stroller he does not like to walk with me, if he wants to go a certain direction and I dont let him he will refuse to walk!! He ignores me alot unless he wants something, when I come to pick him up from daycare he doesnt get excited and yell mommy like other kids at the daycare do when their parents arrive. He ignores me and usually runs away! It makes me feel horrible. Im a young mom and sometimes I just want to pull my hair out I get so frusterated! I want some advice on what to do.. And why he is like this?? Im almost 100% sure he has Autism but I just want to know how to help him until the evaluation

[Richard B. Graff, PhD, BCBA-D]

I certainly understand your frustration, but it is important to remember not to blame yourself for your situation, and not to take any of this personally!  The first thing I would suggest is talking to your pediatircian, and see if there is any way he or she could help you get an evaluation a bit faster.  It would be important to make sure the individual doing the evaluation specializes in diagnosing young children with autism.  

I'm not sure where you live, but more and more states are making laws so that autism treatment must be paid for by insurance, so ask about this in your state.  You might also ask if it is possible to get a board certified behavior analyst, who specializes in working with very young children, to evaluate your son and see if he can help you develop strategies to deal with his challenging behavior.

I can't tell you why your son behaves the way he does.  But, many individuals engage in these types of behaviors beause a) they have significant communication deficits, so they cannot tell us what they want, and b) engaging in problem behavior becomes the most efficient way for them to get whatever they desire.  So, it is possible that your son, because he cannot tell you what he wants, engages in tantrums to get it!  what do you do to get him to stop when he acts out?  If you give his the item he wants, you may want to withhold the desired item when he tantrums, and try to teach him some appropriate way to get it--pointing, sign language, etc.  You can prctice doing this when he is being good--show him the Barney video, ask him if he wants it, make him point to it, and then give it to him.  This way, he gets what he wants by acting appropriately (in this example, pointing), and not for having a tantrum.  

Although we look at problem behavior and ask why anyon would act that way, remind yourself that what he is doing is trying to communicate to you what he wants.  However, to get it, he has to act in an appropriate manner, and he shouldn't get it when he tantrums.  This is why you need to practice before he tantrums--once he tantrums, if you give him the item, he'll only continue to learn that his problem behavior has a payoff!  Provide the payoff for appropriate behavior, withhold it for inappropriate behavior, and you'll be on your way to better behavior for your son.

Best of luck!