What in the world should I do????

I have a 13 year old son with autism from my first marriage.  I have a 4 year old typical daughter from my current marriage.  My son lives with me 4 days a week.  He is w/ his dad for the other days.  He is going through puberty and he is very curious about his body everyone else's body.  My daughter told me that he touched her vaginia.  I have had numerous talks w/ him about the seriousness of touching others.  We have social stories addressing this very situation.  What do I do?  Should I make him live w/ his dad fulltime?  I don't want to "kick him out" or turn my back on him but i feel like I have to keep her safe.  I am so torn and I don't know what to do?  I need some objective advice asap.  

[Rachel Thompson, Ph.D., BCBA]

As you recognized in your post, your daughter's safety should be the highest priority. Having your son live with his father would certainly reduce the opportunity for inappropriate contact with your daughter. However, there will still be opportunities for these interactions with your daughter and with others, so it is important for your son to get the help he needs to develop appropriate socio-sexual behavior and eliminate inappropriate contact. I recommend that you seek behavioral counseling that is appropriate to your son's cognitive abilities. In the meantime, as I am sure you are now aware, your son should be supervised closely. It will also be important to teach your daughter self-protections skills. You should talk with her about what type of physical contact is approriate and what type is inappropriate and have her practice what to do when someone attempts inappropriate contact. These skills should involve (a) recognizing attempts at unsafe contact early, (b) leaving the area, (c) notifying an adult. Research suggests that children must practice these skills and that just talking about these situations does not insure that children will perform the skills when the situation arises.