adhd? autism? help....lots of issues.

My son is 3 1/2 years old. I have no idea where to begin.... he is yet to be diagnosed with anything, but something has got to give. I am desperate for answers.  since about 6 months old he has been throwing terrible fits... one minute he is content and happy, and the smallest little thing, like dropping a toy, can throw him into an hour long tantrum where he screams as loud as possible, without usually saying anything besides no... and he kicks and flails his arms around. if i go to him, he attacks me. if i keep my distance, he comes at me. don't get me wrong, i'm not worried about him hurting me. I'm just worried that something is wrong. my son speaks well in full sentences, but is not potty trained. we have been working with him on the potty for 2 years now. he will do great for a week, and then just "forget" that he is potty trained. he doesn't seem to learn lessons either, such as touching the stove and it was hot, don't do it again...or how he jumped off the couch and got hurt, he continued to do it. back to his tantrums though. he has them several times a day for seemingly no reason and they last for at least an hour  or more.we have tried every aspect of discipline (besides spanking) as well when it comes to trying to get him to listen and understand things... he also has the need to constantly repeat himself when he says something to me... if i do not respond right away, the whole sentence is repeated over and over with no breaths in between almost.... he also still does not sleep through the night . he never has. my doctor just says its terrible twos running into terrible fours, and hasn't offered any other insight. he was in occupational, cognitive, and speech therapy until he was 2 1/2 because he was born a little early and was developementally delayed slightly. also, he is not satisfied with playing with any toys other than a few certain ones... he refuses to play with anything other than trains.

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA-D]

It sounds like there are several issues and some of your primary concerns are your son’s tantrums, aggression, and toileting. You mentioned that he has not been given a diagnosis but I would recommend having him assessed. You already know what the challenges are for your son and intervention will involve specifically addressing those issues, but having your son assessed can be a step toward getting services that he needs. Autism is characterized by delays in social behavior and communication, so I am not sure that diagnosis will be appropriate for your son. However, I do know that all of the problems that you note can be addressed successfully. For the tantrums and aggression, I recommend you seek out a board-certified behavior analyst in your area who has experience working with children like your son. These problems can absolutely be effectively treated and the most important thing for you to do is to get appropriate services. In this case, that sounds like finding a behavior analyst that can help you come up with a working solution.