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Am I autistic?
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Am I autistic?

Sometimes problems and its causes are much easier to explain and to solve than one might think. They are obvious and we don’t see “the wood for the trees”. Therefore I will describe my personality and my problems in a few short sentences. I would appreciate your feedback as I urgently need help.
Please note the following: I am a middle-aged person. I know that psychological and medical problems are to be handled professionally, intensively and carefully. This applies to me, too. Nevertheless, I have a feeling that, in doing so, the actual problem and its cause “gets lost”. For this reason, I will mention the most important information about myself, and if somebody should notice a potential cause or a “pattern”, or if somebody has had similar experience, I would be happy about a reply. As mentioned above, I urgently need help.  A short idea or note could mean a new approach for me, and it probably could help me out:
My weaknesses:
- 90 percent of my time, I have been having difficulties to understand practical problems, in particular in situation like physics classes, time planning. I have big problems to follow the causal meanings if other people are explaining, in other words: I have problems to understand what is said, even simple causal relationships. However, while listening I perceive precisely many details such as gestures and verbal expressions of people, objects in and outside the room. But sometimes and rarely, I have moments of high concentration, understanding and cognitive performance ( mostly at night)
- Aversion to numbers
- Difficulties in verbally expressing facts shortly and precisely
- Increasing difficulties to conclude logically
- No ability to participate in groups, e.g. hilariously talking and joking within a group. Instead  sharp observation of people in the group
My strength
- passion for language, words, music, arts
- passion for abstraction
- Also passion for (and partially good understanding of) complex and abstract topics, e.g. information science, mathematics, philosophy. But difficulties to apply this practically
- Outstandingly good observer of people and social structures
- Even after years precise remembrance of sentence, words, gestures spoken by people ( especially by lecturers)
- Interest in communication and conversation. Delight in speaking and holding speeches. But no (physical or psychological) ability to express myself and to speak in groups
Miscellaneous
- Cynic, partially disrespecting mankind, inability to take things seriously  
- Successfully studied business engineering, although not interested in the subject at all. Study had been a torture
- Brought up by a single parent, who was an artist. No other social fixing when growing up.
- Never have had a functional, durable and long term (love) relationship with another person.
- Big difficulties to sense emotions (exception: aggressions, disrespect, compassion)
- Rarely, moments of sadness (if so, only at night and alone)
- Mostly assessed as above average intelligent by experts and counselors
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Hi!
As you understand, it is difficult to assess whether you have autism or not unless the complete history of symptoms are available from your childhood. In all probability you have been following a wrong stream not suited for your temperament and skills. Not every one can understand physics and maths. But that does not mean they are unable to correlate things, especially people like you with above average IQ. You may not be able to correlate mathematical and scientific things, but you be able to correlate human behavior, sensitiveness, art, literature etc. You probably need counseling regarding a change in type of work that you will find rewarding, an assessment of your social behavior and other such psychological parameters. Thereafter you need to be taught skills to overcome your inhibitions at social gathers—again a common tend in many despite not being raised by single parents or having a lonely childhood. However, in your case, these factors too need to be considered while chalking out a routine and skills to increase your social participation. Faith and confidence in what you do as a profession will also go a long way into improving this communication because up till now you may have been feeling inhibited by people from science back ground. Please consult a psychologist and discuss this. Take care!

The medical advice given should not be considered a substitute for medical care provided by a doctor who can examine you. The advice may not be completely correct for you as the doctor cannot examine you and does not know your complete medical history. Hence this reply to your post should only be considered as a guiding line and you must consult your doctor at the earliest for your medical problem.
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