Autistic 44, but I was little once

I never wanted to play.
I never wanted to talk.
I never wanted to initiate anything.
I snuck outside to play with barbies.
I dont remember hugging on others.
I dont remember hugging anyone other then one special doll
(shes tucked way up in storage now. Someone who wil never leave but shes still pysically there)
I loved to be by myself.
I loved to lay on my bed and look at the stars....... for hours and hours.
I hated the smell of my lunch box.
I hated to see my mother pick me up after school she was never smiling.
I never smiled period.
I was always very wonderous with my eyes. People looker.
I felt alone.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to hold on for something littletold me if i wait i can go.... i dont know just leave.
I was a drone, but everyone said i was cute.
I loved to swing on the swing set. but never smiled. i loved the air in my face.
I  loved to turn in circles, but scared to dance
I can never rember me being happy.
My parents took our family to Disneyland and the heat over took me, and i passed out. (still no emotion from anyone other then i felt extreamly week)
I remember roller skating around and arouyng the block, but that was horrific for me.
I remember at a park a few houses away playing on the playground shyly, getting down into a cemen tube wich was set in the sand for kids to jump in and out of.
I got down into the tube and stay in there as long as possible. I didnt want to be a part of anything.
I just remember and feeling as if everyone thought i was aquard, and weird. I didnt trust anyone.
I may have came from not bonding with my biological mother. It may have been hearing my adoptive mother whispering she wished she could take me back.
Answered everything
I didnt know where or who I was.
Now I try and be mom and a functioning adult.
:)
Missy

[888mom]

thanks for sharing your poem story.

I saw your photos of your little boy -- he is so adorable.  You look like a happy mom with a happy boy.