Children's Development

Over the past three to four years I have been dealing with behavioral problems with my middle child who is now 6 years old, soon to be 7.  Last year we had an inncodent where she was on the slid with a friend and they were caught coloring on the slide.  She had ran away from the teachers and refused to go inside.  The principal had to get a chair and wheel her into the office because she was kicking and screaming.  Another inccodent invloved the same little girl who had hit her, when my daughter went to tell on her for hitting this little girl ran and told the lunch aid that my daughter kicked her.  My daughter then went into a fit and actualy hit the aid.  When I had arrived at the school the principal couldn't tell me what happened because my daughter wouldn't open up to anyone.  Later that evening she told me that the aid wouldn't listen to her and thats when she hit her.  I still didn't condone the behavior and punished her and relayed that she has to speak out with her words not her hands.  The rest of the school year we worked on a behavior chart & she progressed and befor we knew it she was off the chart.  Now this year we have come across similiar behaviors.  When she is upset or angered she goes to the coat rack and sits there until she is ready to come out.  Which the teachers have said she cannot do anymore because she is missing out on learning activities.  Yesterday she was suspended from school because she went into a fit in music class kicking and screaming.  She would not tell the principal what happened and so I was called in to pick her up.  Later she told me that she had asked to go to the bathroom and that another girl took the pass when the teacher was not looking. And thats when she became upset.  I am never to sure what or who to believe especially since the principal never pushes to get the answers from teachers, other students or my child.  She just simply tells me she can't return to school.  My daughter never acts like this at home, summer school, with family.  So I am really unsure why she lashes out the way she does at school.  I am really at a loss right now as I am unsure what or how to handle the situation.  We have talked about being verbal, we have grounded her.  In fact now that she is suspended she is doing all of her siblings chores.  Please help!

[Dr. Kokil Mathur]

Hi mamamia27!
It is quite evident that the problem is related to school, and in your daughter's communication with her peers. Jealousy, fights, bickering, tattling, reporting, etc are common in a school environment. Also if an incident happens, usually the child is typified as cause of mischief. Hence, you can talk to the school counselor and try and find the cause of these problems. You daughter's behavior is just a reaction to a situation she cannot handle. She has to be taught ways to stand up for herself, speak up, and communicate and assert herself without being abusive and violent.
If all this does not help, you can try changing school to give her a fresh start and see the school counselor at the start only. Hope this helps. Take care!