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Does my child have symptoms of autism or aspergers?

My daughter freaks if she has to do something she doesn't want to do. We don't know how to handle it. She hits my husband (her stepfather) and throws chairs around and just freaks. I don't know how to handle it. I hold her if she is hurting herself or others, ( mostly her stepdad) and otherwise I let her go. When she does this, she is not herself. She doesn't seem able to stop. She can't be reasoned with.

  This morning she was getting ready for school and it was going well. She was visiting with the boy I take care of who is the same age. Then it was time to go. She asked me to check for spiders in her shoes and my husband leaned over and asked if they were Michaels. Well that ruined it! She freaked because obviously her shoes look boyish. I tried to get her to put on her black boots, but she wasn't wearing any black so it wouldn't match!!!

  She freaked and then my husband ( against what I wanted ) held her down and forced her boots on and then forced her to the car. She got out and pounded on the door, which he had locked. I was ticked with my husband too, and so I got in the car and dropped off the other kid, and then drove around with her and came home. She stayed home. When she makes up her mind I can't make her do anything. I am a very good parent, she gets a lot of attention, and we do lots of family things. The thing is if I had forced her into the school she would have been screaming and I can't take that!

I feel like our marriage is in jeapordy and we haven't been married for a year yet!!!  I love my husband dearly, but we are at our wits end and are no longer in agreement about how to deal with her, We are in line for family counselling with a psychiatrist and still searching for answers.

She has a lot of anxieties and is very oversensitive to touch and speech.
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584252 tn?1218223686
Thanks for that Sally, Melissa had an hernia operation today and i was dreading it. She is a very stubborn little girl, the nurse asked what she had being doing over the holidays and her answer was water, her dad and i looked at each other and said eh??? we answered for her i later asked her what she meant and she said seaside so why didn't you say that she just shrugged. She was hard work, we managed to distract her whilst they put the anasthesia into her and the cannula. She wouldn't speak to me after, and she wouldn't answer any of the questions the nurses asked her. She loves to copy off everything she left a little note on the computer desk and she had wrote kenwood she had copied it off a speaker, then a number but wrote it wrong as i don't think she saw it right, her baby sisters name cod and dear don't ask me where she got them from then she asked me to spell world out to her. She does this type of thing regularly. The best is what she said to me yesterday she was going on about invisible friends that she has, she has never mentioned them before but she does talk to herself a lot when playing but i thought she was playing not talking to anybody invisible. She described her down to colour of hair and age. Happy Halloween. Sharon x
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470168 tn?1237471245
If they were a good one, they should do.  But you would really need a SALT that has experience of autistic spectrum disorders and the associated speech disorders that can accompany it.
The SALT through school diagnosed a speech disorder and suspected auditory processing problems.  The private SALT diagnosed Semantic Pragmatic Disorder and also says my son has traits of Dyslexia and Dyscalculia.  The SALT through school seemed to be reluctant to say that, probably because it would involve more input from SALT and a specialist Dyslexia Teacher.
As awful as it sounds, you have to remember that everything is run with a budget.  And unfortunately it is those that shout longest and loudest (with evidence of course), that get the supports for their child.  
I would say ask for a referal to a SALT with experience of autism, and also read up about these conditions to see if it looks like a possibility, and if so, ask the SALT to test/assess for that condition.
I am looking into Auditory Integration Therapy to see if that might help with auditory processing.  There have been mixed responses to this therapy.  Some have a vast improvement whilst others show little.  But this is an easy way to try to retrain the ear so that it hears things better and it doesn't hurt, it just involves listening to certain sounds on a CD.
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584252 tn?1218223686
Thanks for that information i will google it. Can i just ask though would a speech and language therapist pick any of these disorders up or would she need to be referred else where? Thanks Sharon x
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470168 tn?1237471245
From your post there are a couple of things that spring to mind.
If you google Semantic Pragmatic Disorder this might explain alot of the language issues you mention.  My son also has this.  Because my son's speech was delayed and is disordered he doesn't fit a diagnosis of Aspergers.  But because he is autistic and verbal and of high average intelligence he fits High Functioning Autistic (Don't you love all the different 'diagnosis' labels!!).
You could also google 'Delayed Echolalia and Autism' and see if any of your children do that.
If they are pronouncing words incorrectly as you describe then there could be Auditory Processing Disorder which means the child's hearing is perfectly okay, but they 'hear' and 'process' language differently, so they also tend to have problems with reading and writing because if you hear 'v' as 'b' then when you are trying to learn how to spell the phonics are not going to sound right to you.  
If there is sensory stuff going on (which also includes balance and co-ordination as they are senses), then they might have Sensory Integration Disorder.  But if you want to read about this a good book is by Olga Bogdashina called Sensory and Perceptual Differences in Autism and Aspergers.  I found it very useful because it explained where alot of my sons autistic behaviours were coming from and with environmental adaptions his autistic behaviours have reduced considerably.
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584252 tn?1218223686
Hi i know exactly what you are going through, my daughter is 6yrs old and i wish now i would have had her assessed now, up until the age of 2 she was the perfect baby but looking back it wasn't normal, she didn't babble, copy or imitate, she would just potter around doing her own thing, she didn't like being picked up, would sit happily for hours watching tv, which i know isn't good for them, didn't really play with toys as such. Then her first word was gog at 2, i was reading to her from the age of 18mths to help with her speech never had to do that with older 2 all family said she will come on her 2 older siblings are doing it all for her she doesn't need to speak, then when she turned 2 she turned into the devil child (sorry for the pun) i couldn't take her anywhere without her screaming, carrying on, tantruming, running off, it was awful and embarassing. By 3 she was speaking but only people that knew her could understand her, by 3 and half was a lot better but still lazy with speech, she was very frustrated, if i told her off she would rip her bed sheets, colour on walls, drawers, doors you name it. She is now 6 and still tantrums, like you have mentioned if she doesn't get to wear the clothes that she wants she won't go out, she has played out in pyjamas and she loves running around with no shoes or socks on, and carries on about the seams, if they aren't on her feet right she will not put shoes on. Will carry on over shoes and will not be forced to wear them. The tantrums she has had from school all the way home a good 20min walk, just because i won't let her do something. She doesn't see danger whatsoever, she went on her bike for the first time went onto the street which is quite a steep hill and didn't know how to use the brakes and ended up staight on the road at bottom i went mental she just wasn't phased whatso ever. She climbs on walls and bins etc railings and does the same thing everyday. When we go shopping i have been going to the same shop for years she seems ok in that but if i go to a different one i soon know about it she starts acting up, running on all fours like a horse she says, tantruming, running away, really spoils any family gatherings, she is fine one to one but the more people the worse she plays up. At school she seems ok but that is routine now, she is in a smaller group as she is struggling with numbers and letters, the teacher thinks she is lazy, but i don't, she is intelligent when you ask her questions, but sometimes she seems to get her words wrong when replying like she misheard the question, i had her ears checked and they seemed fine, she has been referred to a speech and language therapist, as even now some of her speech is lazy, she says hew instead of new, mem for them or then, cut for put and frefast for breakfast there are lots more but can't remember off top of head. She as an obsession with dinosaurs from a young age not what you would expect of a girl she had a roaring, glowing eyed moving one took it into nursery, and scared most of the little girls in there. I thought she was growing out of them but she still wants them, she has all sorts of shapes, sizes and colours, she has books on them and films. She also likes dragons which are similar and loves watching the weird and wonderful harry potter, sinbad and anything with dragons and dinosaurs, like the magic and mystical films and fantasy. With anybody she is in their face she literally clings to anybody making them uncomfortable. Went to this little boys party she literally was at his side the whole time and anybody that went near to play with him was pushed away and told that it is her friend, it is now her boyfriend and he hasn't a choice bless him. She talks to other children face to face literally touching their face with hers it is like she doesn't understand about personal space. She also interrupts a lot doesn't understand about waiting and then tantrums because you aren't listening to her. I didn't think of autism at first but the more i am reading up about it the more i am inclinde to think she may be. There are lots more of her little quirky behaviours as i call them, we now say it is just Mel, my family know i am worried but yet again they are saying she will catch up like she did with her speech, she is already a good year behind how long are they going to give her until she is 18 then she may have caught up. My eldest daughter also had a lot of quirky behaviours and still does but she is coping in school so not too worried about her, like the clothes thing until the age of 4 i couldn't get her to wear clothes she would strip off in seconds not bothered about cold, it now turns out she doesn't like the feel of some clothes even now at 13 she is terrible, she excels in art, design technology, drama as she is over dramatic at everything, and funnily enough sports but she is very competetive she always wants to win at everything, she hasn't many friends but other children calll her swatty but she isn't phased by it like some people would be deeply hurt and then try and fit in but she doesn't care she will just answer them back she isn't fashionable only wears what she thinks is comfortable. So she also has a few autistic traits, and also what she says to people she saw a school phsychologist when younger as she made a lot of the children cry with what she said but i don't think she understood what she was doing even now she is terrible, she will say things like i wish my family was dead, or my little sister or wish i had a new family but if someone dies she is devastated and will remember it for ever even animals. She can't throw a ball for toffy and her balance isn't the best but she is a runner i remember when she was younger she wouldn't answer the register as she didn't want the children to look at her but yet the more she didn't answer the more the children looked at her. Same again with any school work she wouldn't stand up but yet if she was argueing with a child the whole class would look at her. Yet she has got on a stage and even said a couple of sentences. God i could go on and on but all my girls have been hard work i certainly know i have them, the energy they have is unbelievable, the looks i get when i go out as they are loud, embarrasing, don't know how to act when in public, the tutts i get, now i am immune to them and give them mucky looks back as if they haven't got a clue, it is hard work but i love them and wouldn't change them for the world. They are challenging, and that is what i love about them. Sorry for rambling on. Sharon x
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Avatar universal
Stassy, based on what you wrote and the fact that you're this concerned about it, I think Sally and 888mom's advice to get a thorough evaluation is right on.  It may or may not be autism, Sensory Integration Disorder, OCD or something else but if it's affecting your family life this much then it's time for a comprehensive evaluation and find out what it is (or isn't).  I don't have it in me at the moment to write such complete, well considered responses as Sally and 888mom and I don't think I'd have much to add to what they said anyway, but as the father of twins with autism, one severe and the other less so but still a handful, their advice is spot on.  This forum is lucky to have their advice.
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470168 tn?1237471245
Although she is good at school, that doesn't mean she doesn't need supports in place because she will find it a very stressful place.
She will need her daily timetable highly structured and visual so she knows exactly what she is supposed to be doing at any one time, with any changes explained before they happen.
She may find it overwhelming in class if it is very noisy.  Smaller classes are ideal.  Ideally they should not be sat next to a sunny window because of light sensitivities.  
If she has difficulties with listening to the teacher talking and writing at the same time, or problems taking notes off the board, then she will need her lessons printed out for her to read.
If she finds it hard to cope during playtime or dinnertime she should have access to either the library, computer suite etc.  Ideally she should have another child for company and an adult present.
Although she is doing well academically she needs some kind of social skills class.  Does she know how to interact or socialise or make friends or hold a two way conversation?
Autism is a spectrum disorder, so there will be children who are very severe and struggle on all levels.  At the opposite end are children who are doing well at school or who have exceptional gifts.  
You can make a routine and visual timetable for home.  If you make it with symbols and velcro you can use them again and again.  Your daughter can put them together with you the night before.  You can also have symbols for 'free time' or 'you choose'.  You add as much detail as you think your daughter needs.  Give her time warnings when things are coming to an end eg. if she has been watching TV and it is time for homework then warn her 30, 20, 10, 5 minutes before the TV goes off and try to time it to coincide with the end of the programme she is watching.
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Avatar universal
One of the biggest problems is that she is good in school !!! There is an autistic child in her class that is very impulsive and loud. I talked to the teacher about Bekah reading at the back of the class when she gets overwhelmed. She didn't want to because people might think she is like the autistic boy. She is terrified of being bullied or thought stupid, or just being embarassed. She also has the routine at school that is hard to keep here at home. The Dr has decided she doesn't have adhd because she does well in school. Girls with adhd typically do better than boys because they are so worried about being thought stupid. She has every symptom of adhd and most of aspergers. I also think she might have oppositional defiant disorder because she gets so defiant over little things. Yesterday she refused to get pajamas on unless we gave her something to eat. There was no way she would do it. However that might be aspergers.
Stassy
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470168 tn?1237471245
From your comments about how she reacts to sounds, touch, lights etc it does sound like Sensory Integration Disorder.  And I don't think there is anyone on the autistic spectrum who doesn't have some sensory issues.  But it is possible to have Sensory Integration Disorder without autism.  But from what you have posted it sounds like it could be an autistic spectrum disorder.  If you want her assessed you need to go to your GP and ask for a multi disciplinary assessment by professionals who have experience of diagnosing autistic spectrum disorders.  This will usually involve a Speech and Language Therapist, Educational/Clinical Psychologist, Paediatrician.  In your case I would also ask for an assessment by an Occupational Therapist who has experience of both autistic spectrum disorders and Sensory Integration Disorder.
I think it would be very helpful for her to get a diagnosis (if that is what it is), because it is not right that she is being treated as if she is naughty, and even by doctors(!), when the true cause of all this could be down to autism/aspergers.
I am sure that alot of the parents reading your post would recognise the typical autistic behaviours in the things you say your daughter is doing.  Instead of thinking she is being awkward or naughty just accept her reaction to things as a true reflection of how she feels.  For example, those on the spectrum need routine and order.  If she has decided in her head that certain clothes go together and others don't, then no amount of persuading by you is going to (a) make her change her mind, or (b) feel okay about wearing a different combination of clothes.  If she is forced to wear clothes she doesn't think go together, (or which are not comfortable) she is going to physically and mentally feel ill with the stress/anxiety of it and will get totally overwhelmed with emotions and end up having a tantrum.  If you try to talk to her or touch her at that time it is only adding to the turmoil and she is likely to lash out.  Try to get into a routine that avoids all of that.  Choose her clothes the night before, so that if there is a problem it can be sorted.  But the most important thing is that she needs professionals involved to begin teaching her how to cope with change, how to monitor her emotions etc and you as a family need to understand the dos and don'ts of this disorder.  
I would recommend reading a couple of good books about autism/aspergers.  I have heard that Tony Atwood is good.  Because of her sensory issues I would also recommend a book by Olga Bogdashina called Sensory and Perceptual Differences in Autism and Aspergers.  This book will help explain some of the behaviours and reactions we think are bizarre.  When you understanding that they are actually receiving and processing information differently to us you will see that their reaction to it is logal and normal.
In the meantime, if she has to go to the doctors again you need to tell them that you suspect autism.  Getting under the table at the doctors, dentist, school is very typical.  It shows how anxious she is.  She doesn't know what to expect.  If she is touch sensitive and it hurts her to be touched she isn't going to put herself in an unfamiliar situation with an unknown adult and allow them to touch her.  Would you hold your hands still whilst someone poured boiling water over them?  The things that we do and experience automatically and without any problem actually hurt her.  And once they have hurt her there is the fear of being hurt added to that in any unfamiliar situation.
My son is also hypersensitive in most of his senses.  Years ago we had to leave the barbers (with only half a haircut!) because he was so upset about his hair being cut.  He said it was hurting him and he was in tears and throwing a tantrum.  The barber was being really unhelpful and was telling me that maybe I shouldn't bring him there again, insinuating he was just very naughty.  I didn't have a diagnosis at that time, but I knew something was wrong.  I decided to just believe him rather than pin him down to cut his hair.  We left and never went back to that barbers.  I found another local hairdresser.  I explained to her his fears and she is brilliant with him.  She tells him what she is going to do before she does it.  She lets him feel sensations on his hand before she does it to his head eg. she sprays water on his hand.  She lets him hold onto his ears because he is frightened that they will get cut.  She gives him a sweet when we have finished.  
I would also recommend joining a parent support group so that you meet other families and children in a similar situation.
How is your daughter at school, and what kind of school does she go to?
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325405 tn?1262290178
Regardless of a diagnosis, you need to find a doctor who will help you get therapy for your daughter.  It sounds like she's having a frustrating time, and hence you are as well.  In addition to child psychiatrists, there are developmental pediatricians who are really good at diagnosing autism spectrum disorders, such as aspergers.  And other conditions like sensory integration disorder or OCD and ADHD.

If you tackle the sensory issues at a younger age, before puberty sets in, the brain is easier to change.  I am told that adults can go through sensory integration therapy too, but it takes longer and probably isn't as easy.  I've had hyper-sensitive senses my whole life, since an infant according to my mom.  Seeing how my daughter has responded to sensory integration therapy and that things are easier for her, I am now debating if I should find an adult therapist for myself.  Techniques used for kids, and even with kids who have ADHD or OCD sometimes have sensory issues... well, there's a brushing technique and a compression technique that seems to organize the brain and desensitize the skin.  If I was born today, my mom would have been able to take advantage of therapies available that either weren't available back in the 1970s or notnot made public knowledgable.  But, I'm very happy these therapies are available for my daughter.

In the meantime, cut the tags out of her clothes.  I do it for myself.  Find socks she likes.  I like socks that don't go on the ankles.  They don't give as much warmth in the wintertime, but I just can't tolerate it.  If for her it's just a seam thing, be glad she can wear socks that go over the ankles that keep her warm in winter.  Finding the right material that makes her skin feel okay is a good thing too.  I personally hate nylon, which means mostly all panty hose and sometimes clothes that are a mixed blend.  I go for 100% cotton or as close to 100% cotton I can get.  Cotton breathes easier.  Recently I have discovered that organic cotton feels a lot nicer (they use organic all-natural dyes that don't add texture to the fabric).  Yup, organic clothes are more expensive, but I just buy less of them and do laundry more often.  I love the feeling of fleece (certain types), so having fleece pull overs keeps me warm in the fall and spring.  Every person has their own preferences, and with people who are hyper-sensitive to those things, well they just prefer things more strongly.  Her preferences are probably different than mine.  My daughters are slightly different.  Just don't make her feel like she's some sort of freak because of that.  

When you are rubbing your daughter, like massage, light touch can feel horrible whereas deep firm touch sometimes can be okay.  If you manage to get an occupational therapist or something through your insurance or even through the school system, they'd go over all that stuff with you.  I'm sure there are autism support groups in your community.  Sounds like even if she doesn't have autism, she has some overlapping symptoms.  That's sort of the boat I'm in.  Getting help can make a world of difference for your daughter emotionally probably.  For me, sometimes I love having my oversensitivies, like my hearing being able to hear birds chirping in the distance or whispers from across a room or just being in tune to life.  But other times I hate it if it's a sound I really dislike.  Some computers are noisier than others.  Sometimes if my ears pop and they go into really hyper-sensitive mode, the refrigerator humming drives me up the wall or any other electrical hum like clocks.  

If she has ritualistic behaviors (common to autism) or some form of OCD, when you have her do something that violates how she sees the world, she probably is going to tantrum. It is a hard balance to decide whether you just accept how she has to have things or if you try to get her to loosen up a bit on her rigidity.  We are going through this right now with our 3 year old.  Basically we decided that if it's something that doesn't involve other people, let her put her clothes on in a certain order.  But if it's how she plays games, or interacts with other people, or involves other people, we are trying to break her of some of those routines because it will affect how she interacts with her classmates.  You really need a trained therapist to help you through these things.  Or at least someone at the school helping her.

There are some things sensory wise that can calm children down.  There are sensory vests kids and adults can wear.  There are two types of those.  Weighted vests and pressure vests.  There are also weighted blankets.  And a whole slew of sensory activities and things.  

Anyways, you should really try to get your daughter in to a specialist.  A regular doctor would probably just tell you your daughter has a behavioral problem and ignore everything else.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough go with your first year of marriage.  But counseling will make you stronger.  Many couples go through marriage counseling (myself included!).  Many families go through family counseling (I had to when I was a kid and I'll probably have to as a parent later on with my daughter too).  
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Avatar universal


My daughter is eight years old. She has always reacted with temper tantrums but they are getting more severe. She has never been good with transitioning from one activity to another. Lately after school she is very hard to deal with, and at bedtime.

When I say she is oversensitive to touch, I mean for one thing, if her clothes don't feel right she freaks out. If her socks have a seam in them she can't wear them. Another way she is oversensitive is that when she is worked up we can't touch her. Even when she is only a little upset she doesn't want me touching her hair. If I rub her back very gently,  she says it hurts.

When she is at the fair, swimming pool, party,or concert she can't stand the noise. Sometimes she seem overstimulated by the lights and sounds. She gets a headache from the sun and even some lights.

Her anxieties include fear of separation from me , including permanently through death. If I am late picking her up from school, she thinks I have been hit by a car. She freaks when I leave her at her fathers house because she says she needs me. She is fine after a few minutes, but initially she screams and cries. Also she is terrified of spiders. She doesn't like bugs either but she has nightmares about spiders and has to have her shoes checked every morning, and her clothes shaken before she gets them on. Also she is terrified of drs and hides under the chair at the drs office. She will only cooperate with female drs and then she will only do some of what they ask. For instance they can check her temperature but she refuses to breathe for them or say ahh or let them touch her stomach. It is hell. I have had her told off by a lot of Drs and even had some refuse to treat her. One told me that they figured she had an ear infection but since she wouldn't cooperate they weren't going to give her medicine. She did have an ear infection.

She is very anxious about the way she looks. She refused to go to school yesterday because her black boots didn't match her clothes. It is tragic to her if she can't wear her favorite jeans or a certain pair of runners.

She hasn't had any speech problems, besides the fact that she talks nonstop and won't look you in the eye. It is like she doesn't think of it and when she is asked to she only does if for a few seconds.

Socially she doesn't read social cues. When she was younger she would follow her cousins around hanging on and hugging them and not let go even after they got upset. If anyone says anything negative about her she assumes that they hate her and everyone else does too.

I did google aspergers and my daughter fits a lot of the symptoms. I would like to get her assessed for that as well as adhd. She was diagnosed with adhd but the Dr now has decided that we are exagerrating and that she just has anxieties.
Stassy
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325405 tn?1262290178
I have had problems in the past dealing with emotional issues.  Also when my health has not been that great.  I am ashamed to say that when I was working shortly after I got married, and we were living in a place that I had severe allergies, asthma, migraines, and the smell of the oil refinery thing in the nearby area when the wind blew the wrong way... oh I would get so angry and I couldn't express it in words and it's not like we could do anything about it.  Well, once I ripped half my clothes up in my closet.  A couple times I threw things around the house.  I had problems as a child as well.  My parents smoked in the house, and it aggravated my asthma and it just stank and they wouldn't stop no matter how hard we would plead.  So I'd go up in my room and throw things.  My parents I guess were not the best parents in the world because they never addressed the issue.  They addressed my brother when he pounded his fist through a wall once he was so upset.  But I guess they figured as long as I wasn't hurting anyone or causing monetary damage... well, anyways, as an adult, ripping up my clothes was a monetary damage thing.  

I guess the thing is that whether someone has autism or not, if they don't know how to express their emotions, they need to learn how to vent their emotions properly.  I saw a counselor for a little bit, and this was like 12 years ago at this point?  Anyways, he told me if I felt like being destructive to rip paper or rip things that didn't matter.  It would get the anger out.  Also if I was feeling angry and felt like biting myself or hitting myself (I never did that as an adult, but as a teenager I did have problems with self-injury when angry)... well, he suggested punching pillows or getting a blowup inflatable doll to punch around.  Taking a pillow and screaming into it to let out my anger (pillow muffles the sound so your neighbors don't think you're getting murdered or something).  

I don't know what kids with autism do.  Maybe it's different? I'm sure it's more frequent and harder to start a dialogue to get it to stop.  But a good child's psychiatrist should be able to help.  Creating a safe room might help too.  Place where they can't hurt themselves or others and might have some sensory things they like that would help calm them?  I'm just throwing things out.  Really not sure what to do in that case.  Good luck.  
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470168 tn?1237471245
How old is your daughter?
The tantrums and over reactions to situations is that a recent thing or has she always been like that.
What is she like socialising with her age group.
What do you mean by over sensitive to touch, can you give an example.  Are there any other sensory issues going on eg. problems with loud noises or smells or how certain fabrics feel.  Does she appear clumsy or have motor problems.
What is her speech like.  Is her voice tone okay.  Does she have favourite subjects she likes to talk about.  Was her speech every delayed as a child.
What is she like with routine change or unpredictable change.
You say she is very anxious.  What things is she typically anxious about?
Have you googled Aspergers and looked as the DSM IV criteria for a diagnosis?
It sounds like in certain situations she loses it and gets overwhelmed with emotions and cannot bring them under control.
I think you and your husband need to agree on the tactics you will use and stick to them.  
If you look at the criteria for Aspergers and you think it is relevant then you need to go to your GP and ask for a multi disciplinary team evaluation of your daughter by professionals that are experienced in diagnosing autistic spectrum disorders including Aspergers.
In the meantime I would suggest a 'time out' strategy.  So talk to her beforehand about how you are going to deal with any tantrums.  Tell her that you will ask her to go to her room so that she can calm down there.  If she does have Aspergers the worst thing you can do during a meltdown is try to talk to her or touch her.  She will be totally overwhelmed from a sensory and emotional point of view and by speaking or touching you are only adding to that and could cause her to retaliate aggressively.  So don't let yourself get into a conflict situation it doesn't help you or her.  She needs to learn what she has to do when she is in that state and going to her bedroom to calm down is the best thing.  Later when she has recovered you might try talking to her about it to try to get some kind of explanation from her that will help all of you understand what is the best thing to do.
It is hard understanding the difference between bad behaviour and a disorder.  And I am not making excuses for bad behaviour.  But if there is a reason for it and it is fact that she finds it hard to control how she is feeling, then we had better be doing something to make it easier for her to comply and to control herself.
For example, my husband is a big tease.  He frequently teases our children.  My daughter can handle it okay.  My son who has autism cannot.  But my husband seems to find it hard to understand this and alter his behaviour towards our son.  So, quite frequently, he will tease my son to the point that he explodes and hits, scratches, kicks or bites him.  Then my husband will hit the roof and all hell will let loose.  Obviously my son's behaviour is unacceptable.  But who has driven him to that point, and shouldn't my husband know better.
On another occasion I was with my son in a cafe and was ordering food.  My son wanted chicken nuggets, but when I asked for them I was told that they were no longer called that, they were now  called chicken chunks.  Straight away my son is anxious about this because a change in its name renders it unrecognisable to him and he doesn't know what to expect if he orders that.  So instead he says he'll have fish fingers.  Then the woman says they don't call them fish fingers anyone, they call them fish nuggets.  At that my son is on the floor crying and kicking.  It is very rare for my son to get into that kind of state and on this occasion it happened because two words had changed making it impossible for him to choose what to eat.  I knew that would be a problem for him and I knew what the cause of it was and I knew how to deal with it.  He wasn't being naughty, he was being autistic.  Later on, he apologised to me and said "I don't know why I get upset, I can't control the feelings."  
So try to remove the conflict and have a plan.  If your husband finds it hard to handle your daughter then it might be better for you both to agree on how you will handle the situation, but that you carry it out and he is not involved at all other than to back you up.
If you think she is able of understanding this type of system you could try using reward tokens for when she does get upset, but does go to her room to calm down.  When she has a pre-agreed number of them (eg. 3 or 5), she can choose a pre-agreed treat eg. a trip to the cinema.  In that way you are rewarding the good behaviour as opposed to punishing bad behaviour.
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