Help!!

Hi everyone.  I'm new to this site.  I am a stepmother of a four year old boy.  I am not sure if he is autistic.  I first met him in January and noticed right away that something was not right.  He's not potty trained, still in diapers, he doesn't talk so you can understand him (he only says a few words), he does this thing with his hands all the time and he doesn't sleep through the night.  I am a mother of a soon to be ten year old boy who is very intelligent for his age and I have worked very hard with him to get him where he is today.  My son did everything earlier so I'm rather knew to all of this and I'm not sure what to think.  My husband worked all the time when he was with the child's mother and was never really around much to question things.  The child seems to go to the doctor's all the time which I know because he's on my husband's insurance and we get papers about it but, no details.  He's asked his ex wife why he goes to the doctor so much and she tells him it's none of his business, etc.  They do not have any communication about the children (they have 2) at all.  She refuses.  The child says no to everything and he calls himself a baby (which his mother refers to him as the baby) and he sleeps with his mother and her boyfriend.  He does not sleep through the night hardly ever.  He does not know how to drink from a regular cup.  Nor does he know how to eat a bowl of cereal or an icecream cone.  I'm not sure what to think about all of this.  Anyone have any ideas???

[888mom]

What legal rights does the father have?  It sounds like a legal issue that the father should be keeped informed of medical issues and developmental issues and if the father has the right to take the boy to the doctor himself.  If he's on the father's health insurance, taking him to the doctor should not be a problem if he's allowed visitation rights during the week.  The father should be able to contact the insurance by phone and find out what is going on.  It could be the son has been diagnosed with something already and the mom doesn't want to say.  If he's been seen a lot by doctors they must notice something, especially the not talking.  Then it again all boils down to what legal rights does the father have.  I don't know all the facts about what you've tried and not tried, and not sure if you're at the point you need to see a lawyer at this point.  You don't want to go against anything the court said previously about what the father is allowed or not allowed as to jeopordize what visitation rights the father already has.

[Cherylv74]

Is there parhaps a reason why she does not speak to your husband?  I am curious as to why you only met him in January?  That not being the point, but may explain what I am about to say, I think that the ball is in your husbands court at this point.  He needs to find a way to work with the mother of the child.  Your involvment in all of this right now, needs to be in supporting his decisions and feelings on it.  If he has never made any real attempts at finding these things out, or making his own appointments with the child's practitioners to discover what is going on, then his being in the dark on these things, is entirely his own fault.  He needs to be pro-active instead of waiting for his ex to provide these things.  If he has not done so, and thinks that it's your job to do pick up the ball, then you have to question how important it really is to him.  Either way, all you should really be doing at this point, is being his friend and his wife.  Supporting his actions and decisions on what to do next.  You are in a difficult position which I appreciate.  Inform yourself, but remember that the child is his and his ex's responsibility ultimately.  Gather information that you can and encourage him to be more active in the child's medical and emotional needs.  If he is the child's father and has co-guardianship of that child, then the doctors should be willing to listen to his concerns and send him reports on what is going on.

Good luck.