My 7 year old son with Asperger's wants to see friend's "pee pee's"

Question

My 7 year old son has been diagnosed with Asperger's. We homeschool him. We just moved into a new home 2 months ago and now he is starting to make some friends in the neighborhood. Today I overheard my son and one of his new friends in our back yard saying something about "pee pee's" and I saw my son pull up his shirt. It appeared to me that my son was the one with the idea. Thankfully the boy, who by the way is 4 years old, said no. I did ask my son later if he had asked the boy to show pee pee's and he said yes but that the boy said no so they didn't. 
I was furious. You see, we've had this discussion before. He has lost one friend already from this behavior because the kid's mother found them with their pants down. So that ended that friendship. He's tried to do this with his younger cousin. And now this incident. I think their may be a problem. When my son was 5 years old he was friends with an older boy next door and my wife caught them both outside behind some bushes showing their boyhood to each other and we later found out that the older boy was having some issues with his mom's boyfriend. So I don't know if my son is still having issues because of that incident or not. We know it happened on at least 2 occasions. 
I know when I was a boy I did sexual things with kids in the neighborhood but what's normal and what isn't??? Maybe I was f**ked up when I was a kid too and don't know it. I don't know. I just know that it bothers me. And I also know that I don't want to have a discussion with some other kid's parent(s) about my son doing things to their kid. And I don't want there to be those kinds of issues when we just moved into a house and are new to the neighborhood. 
Any advice or help would be appreciated. Thanks.

stupiddumbgirlwhoshouldaknewbetter · Answer

I have boys - typical and autistic - and I can assure you that this sort of thing happens right across the board. My (popular, friendly) autistic son tells me verbatim what the (nice middle class) boys in his mainstream primary school talk about at lunchtime. Sheesh! It could turn your hair white. I also remember what went on in the schoolyard of my youth and I can tell you that what went on then was truly shocking in comparison with what our over scrutinised children get up to. It is normal. It's how they learn. It's just that we don't much care for it and the parents of younger children definitely would not. So it is not acceptable in today's norms. However, we do need to use all the tools available to explain to our autistic children what is appropriate today and what is not. They are very curious children.

dragonslayer116 · Answer

my son is also 7 and is displaying the same behaviour and i have to say it;s a HUGE relief to find someone else who is going through the same thing.  I only found out last night as he only does it when he is with family members on my ex husbands side.  I'm totally shell shocked and obviously very very concerned, however after reading your experiences, i feel slightly better.  My son however seems to be the instigator and has asked to my knowledge 4 other children all younger than his to take off their trousers and put their willies in his mouth.  Some children are doing it and others are not.  I am currently in talks with my sons school and am dealing with CAHMS tier 2 for advise.  I have also been on the National Autistic Trust website for advice as they have been very helpful in the past.  i hope the situation resolves intself soon for the both of us.

MJIthewriter · Answer

I think I replied to this in the other forum.  I believe understanding privacy is a challenge for many autistic people.  If he isn't taught to keep certain body parts hidden, to him it may feel that showing people his "pee pee" is like showing off his hand. He may not understand why it's okay to show someone his hand, but not his "pee pee".

That would especially be possible if someone else asked him to show his or showed theirs to him.  I tend to get in trouble doing things I think are okay socially but for whatever reasons what may be alright for someone else to do isn't alright for me to do.

In those cases I tend to gbe left confused.  It helps to have an explanation why I'm not always allowed to do certain things that others may be allowed.  There could be a multitude of things that your son is finding out about from observation, but like me finds confusion because let's face it, we lack the manual that helps us know intuitivly what is socially right or wrong and how to get along with other people.

It's like assembling a complex piece of furnature without a guide. Sometimes one can be able to pick up on things and sometimes not.

Sally44 · Answer

From your post, your child isn't 'doing things' to other children.  It all sounds quite innocent 'showing'.  But your son's lack of social clues and taboos is your concern.  I would seek advice from a psychologist, simply to give you some more tools to use in this and other similar situations.

Sally44 · Answer

Have you tried looking at a child friendly anatomical book together?  He may just want to find out more about his and other peoples bodies.  You could just look at the pictures and give him some basic information depending on the questions he is asking.
You can also use something called 'Social Stories', which is a way to put together information and deliver it in a story mode to explain certain situations to him.  If you google Social Stories you should get some examples, or speak with your child's Educational Psychologist about them.
Do you have access to a psychologist who knows your child?  It might be worth mentioning the incident with the older child that may have triggered the interest.  Do you know exactly what went on?  Those incidents may have given your child an idea of what he can and cannot do with other children.  
It is very common for those on the spectrum to socialise better with either younger or older children, but obviously your concern is that he is going to do this with younger children and, although innocent, could cause difficulties.  Having said that, I think most children get up to things.  
What is your son like with social interaction?  Is it possible that he is using this learnt behaviour as a way of interacting with other children and if he is taught other more appropriate ways that he would stop using it?  If that is the case, you could teach him some set conversation starters.
Remember that when explaining things to him that you will need to be very explicit and explain everything from start to finish.  Don't assume anything.  For example, my son is also 7 and I had a basic talk with him about body parts and how babies are made etc.  When I finished, my son looked at me and said "I'm not doing that with you, you will have to ask Daddy."  So I then had to tell him that making babies is something that adults, not children, do.  I also had to tell him that he would do it with a girl that he loved (and only if they both wanted to) and that he would not have to do it with me, or anyone else he didn't want to.