About ten years ago when I was 19 and had no fear I was a drug user. Several nights after smoking some marijuana I started having some really scary experiences. I had started to notice that when I smoked marijuana I would go in to these weird attacks. I don’t think they were panic attacks because it felt more like some kind of brain attack. They made me feel like nothing I have ever felt before and they were really scary. I was also experimenting with meth at this time and did not have any of these weird attacks while on meth. One night while using cocaine I went into one of these attacks and the feeling was horrible. I was sitting on my buddies couch and all of the sudden it was like something snapped in my head and I got this huge rush and my head felt really messed up. It was really like a major out of body experience and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I did not say a word to my buddies, I just go up and left. I do not remember driving home, I just remember I thought I was gonna start screaming cause of the way I felt . I have no idea how I fell asleep that night. The next day I got up and I was still having the attack, I just felt like I was constantly on the verge of dying and it scared the hell out of me… I could barely leave my bed after that. So I went to the doctor and they said I was having anxiety issues which I desperately wanted to believe because I had a lot of the symptoms. But in the back of my mind because of the way my head felt I just couldn’t see anxieties causing all this. All the SSRI pills that were prescribed to me eventually sent me to the ER with weird side effects. I even had side effects from taking benzos and according to the doctors if I was having anxieties these pills would really help and they did not. When I took a benzo and it started to kick in, it would do something to my head and I would get this weird feeling through my whole body and than my body and mind would feel blank and the whole attack process would start all over again. I seem to have some reaction to fish oil and hydroxyzine too. I don’t think these attacks are psychological. After months of laying around and being scared to leave my bed I decided to try alcohol and it seemed to help tremendously. (I find this really weird because of how I was reacting to the pills) So I started drinking pretty heavily and I felt like I finally found relief from whatever was going on in with my head. I was able to start working again and met my wife and had a child, and things looked better and better year after year. That was about to change.
About a year ago after a night of hard partying I started feeling really weird. I went to a movie and was eating greasy popcorn and drinking soda and the feeling got worse. I tried to shake off the feeling by leaving the movie and walking around in the halls and than I was hit with a panic attack. I called someone to come pick me up because I could barely walk and I thought I was going to die. When I got home I was a real mess and could not stop puking. I started to feel a little better over the next few days and a couple of weeks later after a long weekend of partying Friday and Saturday night I went into another attack completely different than the one I had at the movie theater. It felt like my soul was sucked out of my body and I was staring at myself. It was creepy and weird. I went home and started puking again. Since than my life has changed drastically. I have not been able to work. I thought maybe it was the alcohol but I have not had any alcohol since than and I am still having these strange feelings in my head. Why does it seem like the alcohol made it better for so many years and now made it worse?
I want to add that throughout those ten years I still felt like something was wrong or something just was not right with my head. These feelings affect me every day. I cannot even just watch tv. If I do not get
enough sleep the feelings are worse the next day. Here is a list of my symptoms and feelings:
-My brain feels damaged. I get these waves of sensations in my head like pressure traveling from one ear to the other.
- When I am around strong chemicals I feel like my brain is trying to protect me somehow from feeling high and going into on of those brain attacks -Sometimes when on the computer or something I get the sensation my brain is trying to pull my head forward and throw it to the ground.
-I feel really detached from everything like my head is not on my shoulders or my hands are not real. - I look in the mirror and feel like I am not there or that I am looking at a ghost.
- When I am wearing my glasses it trips me out cause it seems to make that feeling worse so I rarely wear them. -If I am really trying to concentrate on doing something like playing a video game I feel really weird and awkward afterwards. I am even feeling kind of weird typing this.
-I wake up in the middle of the night with every single muscle in my legs twitching and I can barely walk. -Lots of muscle twitching through out the day in arms and legs and weird feelings in the back, chest
-Everyday I feel like I am dying and I get feelings of unreality, like I am gonna freak out and go insane at any moment.
-Some days I feel extremely fatigued -I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am gonna forget everything so I will do math problems
in my head so I know I have my memory.
-Can never be alone cause of the way my body and head feel all the time
-Ears feel like they constantly need to pop - Eyes and head will feel strained sometimes --Back hurts a lot
-I go into these attacks where I just feel like I am going to die and they pretty much drop me, all I can do is lay down and overcome them.
-Sensitivity to light.
-Some mornings I feel extremely confused like I do not know what is going on and I feel really shaky and cannot even hold my phone still unless I am using 2 hands or holding it in a different position
-Seem to have weird reactions to benzos and anything that messes with my head. I will not take any narcotics because afraid of the effect they will have on my condition. I am afraid I wont even be able to handle anestathia if anything ever happened to me.
-Irregular heart rhythm if I lay down in a certain position…rate at around 90 to 110 bpm sometimes it is at 72 bpm
-Really bad pulsing in my head that wont stop.
- Increase in heart rate and blood pressure when I stand up
-I have had several tests done which have come back normal (ie blood work, eeg, ekg, mri )
-Constant feeling of blood rushing to my head.
-I feel like my shoulders and arms are trembling all the time on the inside. –I clench my jaw a lot and clench things with my hands…the worse my head feels..the more I clench.
-vision is all messed up. Like it seems blurry bright objects seem to move or vibrate same with objects that have alot of lines and stuff in them.
You may want to look into multiple chemical sensitivity, or MCS.
My aunt had it so bad she couldn't touch anything plastic, including the computer, the phone.. Nothing! She bought a pair of all cotton gloves and wore them all the time... After that things started getting a little better. She is allergic to petroleum, which is in everything.. So if you look it up and think it be something you have be sure to watch what type of clothes you are wearing!
Her attacks usually last 10 days, even after removing the offending item.
Definitely look into MCS. That's what I deal with myself. The sensitivities and allergies can definitely cause all kinds of issues much like what you've described. A friend of mine also had MCS. We had similar symptoms, but she was more sensitive to some things than I was and vice versa. We both had issues with perfumes and fragrances and suffered very similarly. Migraines are definitely a part of this for me and migraines do actually cause many of the symptoms you're describing, so you might also want to talk to a neurologist. Migraines are strange "creatures" as they can cause all these symptoms even without the actual headache. This is referred to as "silent migraines" in layman's terms. Your symptoms do sound very similar to mine, even though I never touched marijuana. However, what typically happens with MCS is just that one trigger that someone can remember and having everything change, much like what you've described.
I do think seeing a neurologist about silent migraines, though, may help alleviate some of the symptoms. I don't think it will happen right away, and I know it won't alleviate all of the symptoms, but I'm certain it will still help.
With MCS it may or may not help to see an allergist. It was kind of "iffy" with me, as most of my food sensitivities tend to be related to tyramine intolerance, which is related to the chronic migraine disorder. They didn't test some of the environmental things, but it was determined that I am definitely allergic to the modern world, so the allergist confirmed that I do have MCS. Some of the other doctors like to question this, which is what my friend's doctors did to her, too. So, don't get discouraged if you don't get definite answers right away. I do think seeing a neurologist might help, though.
Just curious if your first attack was brought on when under the influence? I am a recovering drug addict and was on meth for 4 years...opiates for 2 years and cocain, pot and everything else for 17 years so I know the horrible lasting effects of that kind of lifestyle,. I am wondering if you have ever thought of possible mental illnesses...hass anyone in your immediate family ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? when I was actively using I was riddled with horrible symptoms of physcosis, borderline personality disorder etc, etc and it caused many of the signs and symtoms you have described. Fotunately, mental illness is not frowned upon as it was many years ago. The amazing thing is...now that I have 3 years and 4 months clean and sober from all mind altering drugs...I take one antidepressant a day. When I got clean I was diagnosed accordingly and any of the mental illneses I had previously been diagnosed with well...those symptoms seemed to dissappear. It is amazing what an effect drugs and alcohol have on our entire systems. The ingredients in meth make me sick to even think about now...our brains do not function when we snort or inject drano and camp fuel. I hope you seriously contemplate getting clean and please...talk to your doctor about seeing a neurologist, an immunologist and ask to have a CT scan done. Know that there are many people out there who have gone thru what your experiencing and if you need to chat PM me!
I have thought that maybe I have some kind of mcs but I never had any problems until the drug use started. It seems like its only strong chemicals that I cant be around for long enough or I will go into one of thise attacks and man are they scary.. I have been seeing a neurologist and think he would have brought up mcs to me dont you think? I have thought about seeing a different one. I do think I have some kind of migraines going on also, but I dont see how a neurologist can miss that. See I have alot of head symptoms going on and every once in awhile when i actually have a good day I can handle chemicals more than usual. It all depends on how my head is doing. See I can feel in my head and body that I cant handle drugs and chemicals if that makes sense. Its really hard to explain. Another thing that if it is mcs why 10 yeras ago when this first happen did alcohol make me feal better? I mean it was like a miracle to me but somehow as I was getiing better through out the years the alcohol felt like it flaired this back up wich I find really strange..
would be good to chat with you. i as well have been clean for some time however i tell ya, i was with a man for 7 years who was a recording artist, exellent guitar player and singer, creative, artistic, caring compassionate, wealthy etc...he was the ****, lol, and went away to a bachelor party one weekend and came home and was never the same...he confessed he had done some drugs over the weekend and he was not normally a drug user. He drank occasionally however the bacheolor party weekend was a bit in excess well...he now lives on skid row because of the weekend and the health problems he has been diagnosed with...lots to chat about lets PM one another..or email me at ***@****
Hope your weekend was as well as one can wish for!
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