Hi everyone, we lost our little one at 17 weeks. I delivered him in the hospital on Jan 7, 2010. He was just perfect, a beautiful little baby boy. We named him Hunter. I have to say that this has been the single most devestating experience I have ever had to go through. He leaves behind my husband and I, and his big sister. We had him cremated since I could not bear the thought of not having him with us. His earthly remains now rest in a beautiful heart shaped urn with an angel on it holding a little baby. Looking at it, it looks like a small jewelry box. We are getting ready to go on a trip home to visit family. I bought two necklaces to hold a little of his ashes for my husband and I. I have been putting off filling the necklaces because I did not feel I was ready yet. But the time came when I was ready to do it. Secondly to delivering our son it was very hard. I wanted to treat his remains with the utmost delicacy as it is all I have left. My husband and I filled the necklaces and when that was completed I had the incredible urge to gently pour out his ashes and "sift"(for lack of better wording) through them. I could tell my husband could not understand why I wanted to do this but sat quietly and watched. There were bits of his bones in it and I honestly was looking for something that reminded me of his little body, anything... As I did this I was thinking of holding him right after he was born taking in every inch of his little body not wanting to miss a thing. I suddenly realized that what I was looking for I would never find. Silent tears were falling from my eyes. My baby boy is gone and I won't find him in a pile of ashes. After, my husband said I did not know why you were doing it but I understand you had to do it. I can't explain it my self. Thank you all for reading...
My heart is just breaking for you.....thank you for sharing Hunter with us! I know your pain all to well. My story is different but in the end my son is an Angel too. My little returned to Heaven about a year and half ago and I still have days where I just sit and cry. It will get easier but the pain will always be in your heart, just as the love of Hunter will be there too!
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