Scared to try again

I just had a miscarriage fri may 7th. It was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through in my entire life. I dont want to get into detail but I basically passed everything. Im scared to death, and I mean scared to death of it ever happening again. I want to bring a little one into the world but Im terrified of becoming pregnant again. but I have heard that after a miscarriage your most fertile I dont want to miss my chances on good fertile days but Im so terrified. What are the chances of this happening again? ... Anyone ever feel this way?

[need_answers_from_someone]

I am so sorry for your loss.  You came to the right place, the ladies here are a wonderful support system and we have all been in your shoes.  I too had a miscarriage in December at 17 weeks.  I fell apart and thought I would not be able to move on from it.  It took me about 3 months to come to terms with the miscarriage.  My husband and I started trying after I got my first period, but I know now I wasnt ready to try that soon.  If you are scared to try again it might just be too soon to try.  I would give yourself and your DH time to grieve and deal with the loss.  Your body and your heart will know when it is time to try again.  I came to terms with my miscarriage at the beginning of April and decided I was going to take some time for myself and do the things that I like: running, tanning, exercising, etc.   We fell pregnant that month.  I will say I was ready to be pregnant again at that point because for the first time it would have been okay if we didnt.  If you are scared give yourself time to not be scared.  Every women has a 20% chance of having a miscarriage each pregnancy.  WIth that said, the only thing you can do is ensure you are in good physical pregnancy health: vitamins, exercise, eating well, etc.  Then when you do fall pregnant again pray that you are part of the 80% that go on to have a healthy pregnancy.  I find those to be pretty good odds.  I wish you the best and take time to heal, both physically and emotionally.  -Amanda

[MissmyAngel]

Amen to what Amanda said.

[cocacolapanda]

I agree with what's been said!  Also, as for being most fettle after a miscarriage, that's not necessary true.  Some women swear that they are (as they tried for a long time and then it just happened afterwords), and others have a hard time right away.  Every women's body is different, and they also react different post-miscarriage.

I had to have a D&C due to a missed miscarriage so we waited one month so the lining that they scraped out was replaced with new fresh plush stuff, and got pregnant that month.  I was SO scared to even take the test, and when I did I think I was even more scared.  I was an emotional reck for the first several weeks.  At 9 weeks we saw a heartbeat and I was find that day, but then I started freaking out again.  Then we heard the heartbeat at 13 weeks and things started to feel a little better.  Even now at almost 19 weeks I'm scared to death most of the time.  I'm so glad that I did get pregnant right away because being pregnant is keeping my feelings/fears towards making sure I'm doing everything 100% right to help encourage a healthy environment for my baby, rather than worry and stress about what happened in the past.

Everyone heals in there own way and time.  When your ready to start trying again, I think you'll know it.  You also need to understand that when you do get pregnant you will have the added worry of it happening again, and address that with your family and dr and see what they can do to help you feel better.  (I looked for another dr and ended up with a midwife who does an ultrasound at every apt that you don't hear the heartbeat, and at every apt she's just so upbeat and helpful when I'm stressed out about it all, even said if I freak out too much that if she has time she'll squeeze in an ultrasound).

Also, remember that almost all women who get pregnant will in some point in there life end up with a miscarriage.

[krey]

I love this website so much. To know that people have been where you are and are able to relate to you and help you with your questions is so comforting. All the ladies Ive met on her have been wonderful from my ttc forums to pregnancy to miscarriage everyone has been there to support and help. I am scared still and I know I will be for a while. Im going to not try and just let God take control, if it happens it was supposed to happen is how Im going to look at it for now.

cocacolapanda- the midwife idea sounds amazing. I already have brough it up to my bf. I def want to do that for my next pregnancy. Yours seems to helpful and supportive. I would love an ultrasound every visit to ease my mind! Thanks so much for your advice.

[smr08]

I totally agree with everyone else. You'll know when your ready. When I lost my son at almost 5 months I swore I would never try again but after some serious soul searching I just knew that I wasn't ready to give up and started trying 2 months later. Unfortunatly I suffered 2 m/c's since then and i'm waiting for my post m/c appointment to try and get some answers. I'm hoping that it's an easy fix and I can start trying again with a better outcome. I think after a loss we'll always be afraid of it happening again, so just remember we're all here if you ever need support. Sending you prayers and SSBD.       Lori

[nurse81989]

I had a miscarriage last month, first pregnancy. The doctor told me to wait 2-3 cycles to try again to make sure my body and mind have healed. But, I think some people need to try again as soon as they can, so they can mentally heal. I think we will start trying again next month, as it took around 9 months the first time to concieve (conceive). Hoping it won't be that long again... Best wishes to everyone on here who has been thru the same thing. May this just be a bump in the road to a wonderful journey filled with babies! :)

[Gizele]

Hello everyone and I am very for all our losses. My husband and I had a d&e when I was almost 5 months back in September of 2010. The baby had a very severe case of diaphragmatic hernia. It was the most devistating and heart breaking thing to ever happen to us. We did everything in our power to save our little one but she was not going to survive once born. I am 42 years old and ready to try again especially knowing that my time is limited. However, even though my husband had said he was ready he has avoided making love and confessed that he is afraid. Our experience was very, very traumatic and I understand where he is coming from but, my time is running out. I feel like all of a sudden we are grieving all over again.  Any advice?