I am so jealous whenever someone clos to me gets pregnant. My best friend is also TTC and all she does is talk about babies, being pregnant, dreaming about babies and getting pregnant, etc. and it is driving me nuts. She knows what I have been through and doesn't seem to really realize that this is all really hard for me. I asked her if she could stop because I am still hurting from the miscarriage and now worried that something else might be wrong because DH and I have been trying for 6 months with no luck yet.
ppl dont realize how senitive this subject can be. and how hard it is to move on after a mc. i trully believe u will never understand until you've been thru it yourself. i hated seeing pg ladies after my mc and still struggle with hearing about ppl being pg & having babies. try to happy for them but silently think why not me....
I think at some point everyone feels like this, I have personally had 5 miscarriages, one daughter inbetween and am pregnant again...and I AM STILL jelous of other ppl being pregnant, b/c I know that for me there is a very high chance of m/c again whereas they will probably go on to have healthy babies. Unless you've had a miscarriage, you DO NOT really know what it feels like, I actually had to join this site just so I would have ppl to talk to and vent to, just try to see your friends side too, for her this is all new and exciting and no-one ever thinks a m/c will happen to them, and hopefullly you will both go on to have happy healthy babies soon, but think about how excited you were when you first started trying/realized that you might be pregnant, it's really not very nice for you to ask her to dampen her happiness b/c she has no idea what it's like and hopefully she never will, but if this is her first time trying she deserves the right to be excited too. Good luck honey, it's okay to be jelous, that's very common but you have to be positive toward what the future holds as well!
I've had 3 m/cs after TTC #1 for 3 years. Now that I am pregnant after another year off TTC and failed fertility treatments, I realized all those pregnant women I looked at and was envious of as I sat in my doctors' offices just before or after yet another miscarriage, failed fertility treatment, D&C, etc. etc....well, the truth is, I really didn't know their story just as they didn't know mine, and it wasn't fair of me to judge or deny them their happiness just because I didn't have mine (yet). I realize I really had no idea if they were breezing through pregnancy (as I assumed), or may have suffered as many (or more) losses than I had. I did not know if they were carrying healthy babies or if the babies inside of them for which they may have worked just as hard for as I was working to have mine were sick or failing to thrive. I'm not saying I didn't feel envious or sad or sorry for myself at all throughout my struggle to conceive, but I made a conscious effort to try to keep things in perspective and cling on to the hope that one day it would be my turn. At 40 years old I am now 25 weeks pregnant and still worry every day that my little one will not make it to see the outside world, and I wonder if people are now looking at me hating me for being pregnant or wishing ill against me because they think I had it easy getting pregnant while they have not, and it makes me sad....for me and for them. I am very very conscious not to talk too much about my pregnancy or blast things all over Facebook, because I know there are others who may being going through the same silent struggle I did, but I certainly will not pretend I am not pregnant and refuse myself the joy of being so. So, stay hopeful and try not to let others' pregnancies eat away at your faith and determination. You too will have the joy of carrying your own little one some day.
Very well said...so jelous of you now btw lol!! I try and take others pregnancies the same way now but at first I was very bitter and angry at others...but at that time I too did not realize that others have to go through this as well and that I was judging them like I was the only person in the world that ever lost a baby...but now it's very different, I do find myself slightly jelous from time to time, but mostly I'm just happy that ppl are having healthy babies. I know that the reality of my situation may be that I never have another child and I am learning to be okay with that, although I really hope that this pregnancy works out. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope that in a few months I'll be where you are...and jelous b/c you've already had your Little One!! LOL!!!
Thank you for all of the comments. I am genuinely happy for others and show that towards them. I would never wish anyone pregnant ill will. I have no idea of their struggles and don't even think that far into it. I just merely have envious feelings and wishing it were me. I seem to be surrounded by pregnant people and new moms,.. my cousin, step-sister, and friend all had a baby within a couple of months of each other. I can't help the jealous feelings I have inside and how I wish it were me. As for my best friend, she is also TTC #1. I agree that I should not dampen her feelings of excitement because of my loss. I guess I wish she would be more understanding about the baby talk and how sensitive I am about it. However,she really does not understand what I am feeling because she has never been through it. That is why I joined this site. it helps to talk to others that have been in my shoes and to try and gain some insight.
Those feeling are okay and completely normal and most ppl just don't seem to understand what it's like to lose a baby and if they did then they would be more sensitive towards you. Your friend will probably never understand what it feels like and does not know how to act around you now. While she may not be able to understand your feelings, you are able to understand hers and the excitement of ttc#1 and sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and not say what's really on our mind! I've opened my big mouth when I shouldn't have plenty of times...for instance when a friend complained about morning sickness I told her to just be happy that she had it and could get pregnant and carry to term because some of us cant!! She didn't complain to me anymore lol! It was mean of me though in hindsight I realize that she wasn't as thankful for things like morning sickness and the other symptoms of pregnancy b/c she didn't know just how fast a pregnancy can end...we just have to be patient with those who do not understand...and yes, it's not fair that we have to be the ones to be suffer through loss and suffer through our friends pregnancies but honestlly sometimes I find myself envious of those who've only had 1 loss, I've had 5! I'm sure you will go on to have a healthy lpregnancy, I did and I know you will too and when you do and you hit that second trimester mark, you will be all glowy and happy and chatty about how excited you are to be having a baby and other women will look at you and be envious! Good luck hon and super sticky baby dust to you!
Thanks for all the feedback. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on my friend. She doesn't talk to me much about trying for babies since my comment yo her. I'm so sorry to hear about your 5 miscarriages. That must be very devastating but kudos for sticking to it and not losing hope. I have a lot of faith and have been praying for my day to come. We have been trying for 7 months and will keep at it until another miracle comes to us. I know it will happen for us. I will keep you updated if it does. I love to hear success stories after losses and I'm sure others do too. Good luck and lots of sticky baby dust to you too!
jjjenkins112, Congrats on your pregnancy! I know that this must be a very exciting and anxious time for you. I wish you the very best and a happy and healthy, bouncing baby! Thank you for your feedback.
Thank you Didie78 and trying_x_3 for the congratulations! I wish you all the blessings and baby dust there is to be had :-)
Didie78 - I hope I did not come off too harshly. I'm certainly no saint - and I had plenty of y own bitter moments (when you're TTC, it does feel like the whole world is pregnant!). But, my true message to you is to keep the faith and don't give up. I never ever thought I would be where I am today, and although I felt like giving up a thousand times over during the course of 3 years TTC, I never did (I'm very stubborn...lol). I did whatever I could to help myself (I read every book I could find about maximizing fertility, changed my diet, took up yoga and acupuncture, etc.), but I knew ultimately it was all in God's hands. It took me a full year from the time of my 3rd m/c to become pregnant again, so although I know 7 months feels like an eternity, you certainly are far from being out of the game! If your pregnant friend is talking too much about the baby topic, just explain to her that you are very happy for her, but it is hard for you to talk about babies all the time because of your loss and your worries while you're TTC. If she is a true friend, she will understand (even if she never experienced a loss herself). Keep hope and help yourself in any way you can by educating yourself, tracking your ovulation and BBT, and finding ways to take stress out of your life and, before you know it, it will be your turn to talk about YOUR pregnancy! Good luck and God Bless!
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