Bipolars and Fair Weather Friends

[Bluetwo]

I'm not a social butterfly and I like my privacy. It's kind of embarrassing that I'm not a socialite but I prefer to be alone at times. I have my neighbors that I'm close to. I known them for a very long time since their children played together since they were toddlers. Friendships age with time like fine wine. Friendships should enrich your life. We help each other out and do neighborly things together. It's always calm and no demands are made on me. If I'm in a foul mood; they take it as it is because they understand that I have bipolar and they tell me come back later in a nice way. No problems. They also confide in me with personal information and it remains confidential even when they don't ask for it.

People at work however are just acquaintances in my opinion. I don't get close with them because business is business. Since my recent episode with mania I acted very particular and disclosed too much information about myself. I feel terribly uncomfortable about what came down the pike. My behavior was odd and people were treating me kind of weird. I guess I was acting psychotic and started to have suspicions about people.

I hate gossipers. They're not your friends. One time I put out a "decoy of information about myself" to only that person and she blabbed it to other co-workers. Since she was not concerned about my feelings; I dumped her as a friend. I guess I have this trust thing. People should accept you during bad times and good without the gossip. I think loyality is very important to me. I don't like fair weather friends.

[ILADVOCATE]

For myself before I recovered that's what my psychiatrist's answering machine was for but he said to limit the calls because it was blocking it up. Regardless, now as then, although I respect the limits of his answering machine (its at his office) if things go wrong he is the one to hear it first. I try to make it a policy not to send emails to people I know that are venting, even if they have a psychiatric disability themselves because they usually don't want to hear it and I've lost friends that way. Sometimes psychiatrists can be impatient but if someone is psychotic psychiatrists tend to appreciate hearing the exact truth about what is going on and in knowing the person is honest, tend to be more responsive. I try to keep extreme personal aspects of my life between me and my psychiatrist including what I post here. I know they are required to respect confidentiality and also they are the only ones who can really help me at those times. I used to when reading poems and the like play "confessional" where I detailed extreme personal aspects of my life and although people found it entertaining it was usually at my expense so when I look back it wasn't worth it.

[Bluetwo]

I just get so sensitive. When my med's went off track....I felt very vulnerable.
When you get sick I don't like showing that side of my personality. It feels like you spilled your guts all over the floor and its embarrassing trying to pick up the guts off the floor.

You don't have a vomit bag when you go psychotic.

[Xila31]

I am also very careful about making friends. I find that most people are very 'fair weather' types of people, as you say. People don't like to know much about problems or issues and only think about happy things. But, I have had some terrible issues in the past with people so I am very careful.

[ILADVOCATE]

I don't know what to say except that the people were wrong. I have had this happen myself. At times in the past because of my psychiatric disability and now because of my physical disability which can appear psychiatric although of course its not. I have made a decision not to look back at what I lost in the past but instead move forward and find new friends who are more tolerant and accepting og people and respect me as a person with a disability. Also some of the people I lost had a psychiatric disability of their own but unlike myself weren't responsible as regards their treatment. I do remember past days such as in college when I engaged in (this would apply to me only) manic or emotional acting out behavior or even potential psychotic behavior. There I was in the wrong but it was uncontrollable. I now think of that as the past and would not approach those people again. I take care as regards my own treatment and how I approach people so I expect to be treated with respect in return, the same as anyone else, no better. People who gossip have a character trait that is not worth respecting and I would not stick with them.