1 year after Manic Episode and picking up the pieces :-(

[vsantos]

   Hello, one in a while I come back here to hear your great insights into this scary illness.
   It has been 1 year since my husband had a Major Manic Episode, tried to commit suicide, left the house to live with another woman (who happens to have Boderline Personality Disorder), brought me to Court alleging I hit my child etc...
   Did take meds but stopped 5 months into it. No meds at all for about 8 months!

     NOW -- only now , 1 year later he is looking back and realizing the Mess this Storm (his Manic self) has caused to his life / to our lives.
    He is temporarily  back home (he has no place to stay), very appreciative of my help now. But it is so overwhelming and sad to see him go through the 'after-math of the Manic Episode. People he gave money to, the really sick 'girlfriend' he moved in to who is now harassing him and Us, having left a 12 year old -healthy and happy relationship.

    the worst part is I don't know how to help. He really doesn't want to talk about anything. Still on Denial. And the worst part to me is that he refuses to accept he needs Treatment (he even stopped going to his therapist).!
   I can't live with him anymore if he doesn't seek treatment. I can't allow myself to got through the same CHAOS I went through for 1 year (supporting my family financially and keeping our 3 year old happy and healthy ).
   Any words of wisdom...I'm feeling to guilty to ask him to Leave when he needs Help the most!
    Thanks Vanessa

[Xila31]

I know how it is when you look back and realize exactly what a horrible mess you've caused. I never know how bad it is until I get to the other side.

However, his mess is much worse than any of the things I have done. I remember your story quite well... it is very sad.

I understand you love him and all that. I also know it is possible to have a family and all with this illness. But he has to take responsibility for it. You need to set up some rules to keep your daughter safe and if he isn't willing to take charge of his illness, then there isn't anything you can do.

First rule should be he get into treatment and stay in treatment. The severity of his mania requires this for the safety of your daughter and the stability of your family. Meds and psychotherapy need to be his top priority. He needs a new doctor as it seems the one he had before wasn't helping. You need to choose a doctor that fits you and helps you, not just one you go see...

Anyway, I hope to hear things start looking up for you.

[lindahand]

Your first responsibility is to you and your child. If he is unwilling to seek treatment and has taken you to court accusing you of abuse it is a danger to keep him under your roof in my opinion. You obviously love him, otherwise you wouldn't let him stay with you. Sometimes though the heart isn't a good decision maker. It isn't unreasonable and it is healthy to say - you get treatment or you leave.

And he shouldn't be the only one with a therapist. You need support and if there is any way you can see a talk doc you should. Not because you are crazy but because this situation is crazy. They can help guide you as to what the best decision for you is.

Medication is harsh. It has side effects. You have to take it everyday. But it keeps you from destroying your life. If he isn't well enough to realise that, he isn't well enough to be under your roof.

[Eperna]

Check out NAMI - they have support groups.

I had a big manic episode a year ago - now taking lithium & lexapro. They have side effects. Doing the counseling. Trying to get my life together.

He needs to Man Up - for himself, you and your kid.

[Athena_M]

I'm so happy to hear he came back home to you.
Maybe he can find a different therapist or try a support group.  
There is a book called "Loving someone with bipolar".
I'm pretty sure that is the title, let me know if you can find it.  

[run4you]

Hey Vanessa -

Sometimes tough love is all you can give.

As much as he needs help, you already know that he has to do it himself... Sadly, your hands are tied when it comes to making him get help.

You have to put you and your 3 year old first, and do what's best for you two.

I'd just be completely honest, tell him how you feel and that the one thing you cannot and will not compromise on is that in order to be in your life, he MUST be receiving treatment for his illness. That this past year you have lived through has been entirely unhealthy for you and your toddler, and he can't expect you to help him when you're being sabotaged because he won't get help.

You sound like a wonderful person... I understand you want to help, just don't let him walk all over you. If he really wants you to help, he wouldn't do that. I take my meds for my family, many people do. There are some things you just can't budge on.

Good luck.