17 year old daughter anger

[desperatemom13]

I don't know what to do for my 17 year old daughter anymore.  She has always been a difficult strong willed child with a high I.Q.  She was doing multiplication in kindergarten and reading Harry P. in first.  She has always had a problem with making sure food on her plate does not touch.  Getting her dressed when she was younger was always a nightmare because everything always bothered her especially socks.  She has a very low tollerence to tapping of fingers or any movement around her.  She also has always become furious with the way I say my "s"  I have asked many people if they noticed anything different with my speech in particular my "S's" and they don't notice anything.  She has a hard time keeping track of anything and her grades have gone from all A's in grade school to mostly A's in middle school to a few A's but mostly B,C,D and even some F's in high school.  She swears that she can't keep up with her work(not that it is too hard)  
  
She has always been aggressively physical towards me but it has gotten worse.  She also seems to go out of her way to learn every life lesson the hard way.  She has moved out now but living with a family that I feel safe with.  Although I am beyond heart broken(she has made sure to let me know this other woman is the mother she always wanted) I am also not missing the constant anger.

Does anyone have any ideas for me?

[ILADVOCATE]

  I started taking medication at around that age and it was essential for me to stabilize and function. The best thing to do is to work with her psychiatrist to see what medication might best help her and how it will work out but it would be worthwhile to give it a chance. In the meantime this is some information that you could read up on and then discuss with her psychiatrist:
http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Mental-Health/Useful-Bipolar--Depression-Webisites/show/523?cid=105

[ester1961]

my 17 yrs old daughter just diagnose BP a week ago. the psyc doc recomended a mood stabilizer med to my daughter. But i dont want my daughter to take any med for BP, please give me some advice whats the best for my daughter. Thank you  and God Bless....
(im very sad about my daughter)

[Alex_X_18]

at 17 I moved out as well I also had issues with my mom throughout the years
my advice firstly is to
get her to a  phyciatrist and get her on some medication if she isn't already
a  phyciatrist should perscribe medications and help to encourage her on what behavoirs are normal and what aren't the medications should help to calm her down
the phyc doctor may also be able to recomend
a therepist or support group that may be able to help
you and your daughter with coping skills
when I was younger me and my mom got into therapy its helped loads
I was in the hospital when my doctor there suggested
a therapist to my mom it was some kind of program or whatever where the therapist
came to our house
I didn't like the idea at first
but it grew with time
as I got to know the therapist
she even counseled me and a former boydfriend of mine when we were
having problems.......

thats my advcice tho
best of luck,
alex

[mumajay]

I UNDERSTAND XACTLY YOUR WORRYS,ANGER AND SADNESS.MY 10YR OLD HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR AT AGE 7.SO FAR MED REGIMEN STABILIZED HIM,RECENTLY THEY DECIDED TO SWITCHED IT UP AND TAKING HIM OFF HAS SENT HIM INTO AGGRESIVE RAGE TO MYSELF AND MORE IMP MY 6YR OLD DAUGHTER WHO IS PETRIFIED. THEY HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR SAFETY1NCE AND SO AFRAID HAVE TO AGAIN....MY HEART TRULY GOES OUT TO YOU

[ohanamama]

Maybe I saw the signs in my daughter was she was only 8 because I was BiPolar as a child also.  Not diagnosed until I was nearly 40 of course.  But I was an angry, mean, rotten child and I remember my Mother saying to me back then that "the only thing I can wish on you is a daughter as mean to you as you are being to me".  Thankfully that never really happened because I knew right away it wasn't anger, but disease.  On the downside, I feel horrible, irreprible (sp), unending guilt for having passed the condition on to my poor underserving little girl.  No one should have to live this God awful twisting/turning way of life.  Best of luck to both of you!

[desperatemom13]

All three of you have helped.  I can't express what your words of support and advice mean.  I have never been diagnosed bp but I am ADD and so is my 10 year old son.  I have just resently found out that my aunt(who lived far enough away to pretend to have the perfect daughters and relationships) had this exact problem with her oldest daughter.  The stories are such a close match it is scarey.  My cousin is now 25 a college grad living in a different state than my aunt but still treats her horrible but will call and talk to her dad.  
I hope and pray with all my heart that my daughter is not self medicating but I would be totally niave to not suspect that.  Her lying, stealing, cheating with no remorse has definiatley gotten worse.  The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I am a very popular 3rd grade teacher with both parents and students but can't reach out to my daughter without being slapped down.  I just want to love her and hold her without the punishment that comes with it. :(  I am very sad.

[zzzmykids]

Dear ohanamana,
First let me....(((((((((((((hug)))))))) you.
My daughter is 26. Back at home.  Her sister and her family back at home as well. It is difficult.  The 26 year old never hit me but at 18 told me something that totally blew me away.  She was instrumentally raped by a female that was at the house she spent the night next door to my parents, she was SIX.
Is there a point in your daughters temperment, not the strong willed brilliant but the physical and mouthing off?
There is no pain like a child treating a parent with such anger, when you KNOW you have been a good MOM.
Do you have other kids that could help.  Our older daughter, who the mad one forgave for not being there to protect her when she was six, gets through to her...and her dad does as well...it's just me.
The grade thing could be for self medicating, pot, the game where they put the prescriptions in the bowl and dive in, sniffing paint or glue?
I think she needs to have a full physical, full blood panel and psychiatric evaluation.
My daughter had two while away at university, both said she was not bipolar.
I still think she is possibly.
Are you bipolar and if you are when did you get diagnosed? The one that is angry at me and shows little respect a friend who has known her most of her life thinks she is mad because she lost her mom to bp.

Now about to be married, her new mother in law to be can't do a thing wrong.
There is hope.  When recently at my parents and she drove me down because I can't drive well on the freeways....my mom called me crazy and my daughter was right there at the door and defended me.  The ride home was good.  Now that she is working we have not had a fight for about a month.
It's hard to feel about a child you birthed the way we sometimes do. I carry guilt.  I said to my husband, if she does this rage too many more times there won't be anything left.  Just the month w/o the fighting and I am saddened to believe I ever uttered that sentiment.
It will get better, but she does need a drug testing, full blood panel and psychiatric evaluation...and not yours...another one recommended by him/her.  Do it before she turns eighteen.
sincerely,
zzzmykids

[ohanamama]

My daughter is 13.  She started acting the same way you have described your daughter's actions when she was 8.  Lots of therapy, trial and error on meds, and she's a different girl all together.  She asks for her meds every morning, because she doesn't want to go back to that confused, dark place.  She likes the new her as much, if not more, than I do.  Try to find someone who specialized in working with children -- that's really important.  It's amazing the different approaches used for her than me - and the incredible connections that they make.  Good Luck to her, and you.

[LeftCoastChick]

She really needs to get into see a psychiatrist. All of those behaviours would be concerning to me too.  It's pretty common for BP folks as well as BPD folks to get irritated by sounds, pronunciations. It drives me mad when someone does something repetitively noisy, like tapping a pen, or clicking it in and out. I'm also fairly sound sensitive, if people talk to loud on the bus or in a movie theatre, it's hard to keep my mouth shut.  It's eased up a bit with meds, my "irritation" levels have dropped, but they'll never go away. I just have to take an "OHM" moment to calm myself down.

She may have BP and BPD, which can happen, with the info you've provided, but I have to say this is only my opinion. Being a teen is a difficult thing, parents tend to forget what it's like and forget how challenging it is to grow up in the age, it's worse then the environment we had.

If you can get her to see a psychiatrist, do so, once she turns the age of majority where you live. You have no say on what goes on with her.

I wish you the best of luck.
LCC