38 and losing it, again

I am BiPolar2 and have had major anxiety and panic since I was 5 (I can remember havin attacks on a school bus). I was diagnosed BP2 in 2004 and have been medicated since. The issue is that in the last 2 years I've begun to cycle more often. To the point that I really feel like this current depression is making me feel like I'm having an out of body experience. Has any of you experienced this in your manic states? What about becoming psychotic as you got older? I'm married with 5 kids, church duties, I'm a daycare worker part time and a pre-school teacher. I really don't have time to lose it completely. I've been doing well keeping this from the outside world, but hubby is starting to worry so that makes me wonder how bad is it? Your opinion matters,

[hell1971]

Sometimes we think no one notices our pain but they do, I always think unless i am obviously depressed and in bed people dont know I am sufferring but my husband knows and my friend says you can tell by my face, perhaps it is time to review your treatment. When i am in a mixed state I feel very detached from myself almost like i am not insinc with my body and mind, its hard to explain. You have a busy life by the sounds of it, I have 4 children and my own business, although this makes it a challenge to keep stable and keep going, I also think it is a blessing, its keeps me busy and so when everything is hopeless I still have to get up and deal with the kids and go to work and it keeps some normality to my life even when my mind is going crazy. Hope you feel better soon, perhaps some therapy would help, i am having analitical therapy at the moment, its new and I dont know how its going to work out but I will try anything to make myself better for my families sake. Take Care you are not alone.

[hell1971]

I also meant to say i am a rapid cycler so for the past three years in am 41 now I have felt that not much of that time has been stable, I am taking things a week at a time at the moment, last week I was in a mixed state panicking and having anxiety attacks and depression, the last three days I have been fairly stable so there is hope.