Hi, I'm a mother of a 5 year old, 6 in November. We have had a hard 3 years with her! What a roller coaster!! We started with counselors and phsyc. at 3. She has always been abnormally hyper, if we say no she has rages! She fights and hits kids at our park daily. She has scratched other kids that she doesn't even know. When we tell her time-out she will scream, yell and throw things for an hour, sometimes longer. She has thrown things at me from the top of the stairs. She has never "Played" with toys, she messes up anything in her path, she paces around our house. She plays outside as long as we let her. She is so active. My mom babysat her and couldn't handle it anymore after a week. So I had to quit my job and stay home again. She brought my mom down physically and mentally. She is doing the same to me. They always said she is too young for a diagnosis. Finally at 5 we found a doctor that cares and said she thinks she most likely has Bi-polar disorder, and maybe ADHD. They put her on respidol, what a miracle, at first, also they put her on strattara. But now 5 months later it all has gotten just as bad again. The only thing confusing me and her dad is she is perfect at school. She has been there for 2 months and she has a male teacher, which I wonder if this helps her stay good, she is scared to do anything wrong!!!! She has periods of staying up all night. She goes to bed at 8 pm but wakes up around 1am and is up all night. She gets really weird the day before, laughing about everything, hurting her sister, discipline is just funny, everything is funny to her. Her doctor said she can't be up-ed anymore on rispodol for her age but it's not working anymore. We have followed all discipline methods, she is a very sweet girl otherwise. We have been through so much, we thought we finally had some help, but now we don't know because she is doing so well in Kindergarten. We have tried a few ADHD stimulants, those made everything worse, she has even been hospitalized in physc. hospital. Please help us , we don't know if she is being naughty or if she truly has bi-polar. Thanks Desperate Mom!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like you have really had a tough time & I'm sorry you've been so frustrated. Yet it's comforting to know that you obviously truly love your daughter and have given a tramendous amount of time and energy and love towards her. I am definitely NOT a bipolar expert, but I think MOST bipolar disorders start in late adolescence--- am I right?? (help anyone?)
Also, I am a kindergarten teacher this year for the first time. Please don't be offended by whatever I say--I am definitely not judging your situation! However, I was *SHOCKED* this year (to say the least) at how my students behaved toward their parents!!!!! I had parents that literally couldn't get their child out of my classroom w/out bribing them with ice cream or something of that nature. Yet only after a few days in my class, those parents were telling me how the behavior had changed dramatically (or others noticed it changed only at school but still not at home.) I am certainly NOT the best teacher, but I do know that consistant, patient, and firm (yet loving) discipline is SO important in a young child's life. They need boundaries to feel safe & comfortable. I am in no way accusing you of not being a good disciplinarian-- I guess when I read your message, I was just struck with how familiar it sounded to my own.
I think that there are a number of disorders in children that may cause this sort of behavior (adhd, fas, & other specific behavioral disabilities) but it sounds like you have already explored many of these options. Im sure you could get a much more professional and reliable opinion somewhere else, but I hope this may have helped somewhat. At least, thank you for being such a patient and self-sacrificing parent to your child- keep it up & I hope it will get better for your family.
PS: look into every possible option-- it may be something obvious, or it may not. (Biological, Psychosomatic, Spiritual,etc.)
Thank you for your advice! I need support from an outsider so much! I do think I need to be more firm with discipline but I know if I get after her about things that bother me, it will start a very long battle and our day will turn out to be a bad day. Thanks again, I would love to talk to you more!
Im so glad that what I said helped a little. Something I've learned is that with any discipline plan with children, the hardest and most frustrating time is in the beginning. They will test you, then test you again, and again, until they are sure you mean what you say. Then everyone know's their boundaries and life is much more enjoyable (at least with my experience). Maybe go to the library and look up some books on discipline (if there are any) or look on the internet for some good ideas to use at home. Better yet, schedule some time to meet with your child's teacher to see what his classroom management strategies are and what's working well for your child. Maybe you and he could strategize and tweak something he's using at school to also work with you at home. (for example, when your daughter behaves at home, she can have more computer time (or whatever) at school, or when she doesn't behave, there can be a negative consequence.) If he's as good as you say he is, Im sure he could help you come up with something (by now he knows your daughter pretty well I'm sure!:) )
Give it a try and good luck!
sounds like we have to kids that are alot a like mine is 7 years old now but we have trouble out of him every where doesn't matter who is looking or who's there if he gets up set whatever we were doing its over i will tell you this my My biggest mistake was putting my son on medication before knowing how To handle the situation there are many times that I wonder if I’m doing something
Wrong.My son was first placed in a mental hospital when he was
5 years old. (He chocked his sister to the point where she turned
Blue and I couldn’t pull his hands off of her). He was diagnosed with
Bp disorder and sensory integration disorder. and has signs of OCD, and ADD.
It’s very important to remember that these kids didn’t come
With a book and nobody knows what we go through every day of our life with
Trying to raise our kids. I have decided that doctors are not gods and
Sometimes they don’t know what to do with our kids either. So I will say that
With dealing with my son it has taught me to have patients and to walk away
When I need to. Give praises as often as possible these kids feed off that.
And find something that works that is inexpensive to reward with
(Smelly stickers work well with my son) scents like vanilla and lavender
Yelling and fussing with these kids only make more problems.
Like I said earlier my son has a lot of problems at school. Matter of fact he hates
It! he will run out the door screaming for me. The last few weeks the school
Has called me to come get him. Even with his one on one aide he still isn’t doing
To good. So its great that your child likes school and is doing well. Make sure you
Give her praise and make her feel good about getting through a full day of school
I can’t wait till the day that my son is able to stay at school a full day and be happy.
I have several questions for you. Do you think your child is happy?
Have you had her tested for SID ? When she has fits does she seem to become
Stronger than normal? I will end this with saying keep your head up I’ll
Be the first to admit when I first had my son I was one of those that would say
“My child will never act like that”, I truly believe that its not our fault that our
Kids act like this. Its chemical in the brain, and environmental factors.
When you have a bad day remember it could be worse. At least our kids can walk
And talk and run and play. Rozanna
Thank you for the advice!! It's so nice to hear support, advice and comments right now! You asked if she has been tested for SID, what is this? I know she is a happy girl because she giggles and laughs a lot! She does not like school though, she cries almost every night. On weekends she is so happy. She gets nervous about school. Your question about does she get stronger? Oh my, yes she does!!! She is a strong little girl for how tiny she is. She is only 37 pounds. But yes, I truly believe something is wrong. I have tried soooooo many different charts, discipline methods, time-outs, all od it, maybe too many. I know kids can be naughty but this is much more than normal. She is very loud too, we constantly say " lower your voice, not so loud!" But no hearing problems. Again I appreciate you writing back, please let me know what SID is, thanks, Mindy
I was a child with ADD and bipolar disorder and I did not have these edpisodes myself. Of course mine was mild manic with emphasis on depression, so mania phases were not a big problem. But one of the things I can tell you is that ADD requires structure and constant stimulation. As an example I worked as a teller at a bank. As long as it was busy I was fine and would balance, to the penny, and get things done before the other tellers. But on days at the end of the month where I'd only have a few customers a day and had hardly exchanged any money, it would take me forever to balance and usually I was off.
As a parent I know that discipline is very important to the child's well being. I don't mean abusing them or anything, just be sure that when you say something you mean it and follow through every time. If they get in trouble for it this time then they have to get in trouble for it the next time. Had this problem with my son in public. He knew I couldn't do anything to him in public, so he would go wild and we would both lose our minds. When I decided they could just haul me to jail if they wanted to and disciplined him any way it all changed.
My son is 7 and has recently been going into rages and I finally figured out he has ADD. Has a dr dx him? No. But as a person with it I know all the signs. Was getting on to him for things he said he didn't remember me telling him to do and he hadn't done them. It is very hard on their self esteem and they think they can't do anything right. Now that I have stopped doing that and being more patient about it he has had a total attitude change. He is no longer going into rages and crying all the time, he is a much happier child.
Don't know if any of this helped you or not. Good luck.
I hope your dr is a child and adolescent psychiatrist. If she is not, you should find one that is.
Most bipolar disorders come up in adolescence but can be seen as early as 8-10. I don't think your 5 year old can be dx with bipolar. But you should definitely check that with your dr.
Strattera is the only non-stimulant drug for ADHD, and is probably a good choice in this case. As far as sleeping problems, you can try giving her strattera at night if she can't sleep, or if you are already giving it at night, switch to morning.
She was obviously benefiting from risperidone, and it lost it's efficacy, so maybe your dr should try switching her to another atypical antipsychotic. Those can be safely used in children (although long term side effects are not clear); the main thing to watch out for while picking the right dose is side effects, as that will show that the dosage is too high and needs to be adjusted
She might have a combination of ADHD and Asperger's.....
Btw, it says "mom of 2" in your name, how's your other kid doing?
Besides that, as someone above mentioned, as far as behavioral stuff, the most important thing is to keep up a routine.
People, PLEASE STOP PUTTING CHILDREN ON MEDS!!!!! I am 28 yrs old with rapid cycle bi-polar. When I was 7 I had the same type of symptoms. Litteraly I would be talking to someone, having a fine conversation, and the next SECOND, I would just explode, really for no reason. I was kicked out of kindergarden,1st, and 2nd grade. My baby sitters would only last one day. I would say nasty things, throwing things, completely disrupting the entire hoousehold, and much much more. I terrorized my siblings, threatening them with knives, at 8, locking them in rooms and beating the **** out of them and the list goes on and on and on. I would never go to bed very well, and one day my stepather gave me a tablespoon of honey, and I went straigt to sleep, so from there one, my parents would always give me honey before bedtime. At 10 I kept getting dizzy when I stood up, so my mother took me to the doctors to rule out an inner ear infection. It wasn't that, so my Dr. did a blood glucos test, come to find out I had Hypoglycimia (sp?) and the anger, not going to sleep and the disrubtion not concentrating issues, were some of the symptoms, and eating sugar would make me tired and angry, so look into what she is eating, make a chart of her daily eating, (if you can) it can have an effect on herespecialy bread and other starches, when they turn into sugar, try giving her penutbutter, even for over hyper active children, it makes a huge difference in their behavior.
When I turned 23, I notest I was having "tempertantrems" once again, on top of depressin, and much much more. Eventually I was diagnosed with bi polar, OCD and have been suffering ever since. Even on medication. I do understand how people around me are affected, but I just can't control it. Counceling, and anger management, however does help. That's one thing I would like to advise you to to do. It will alow your child to let some of the frustration out. I really don't believe in the medication. It works to an extent, but only for a period of time, and then they will put her on something else.. it is a constant battle. Only this day in age are Doctors diagnosing EVERYTHING and putting EVERYONE on some type of medication.... What can you do? Keep supporting your daughter , showing her as much love, effection, and understanding, as you can. You also need to show some tough love. Nanny 911 has helped my with my three children, my younges 5, sounds exacly like your daughter, I've been trying some of nanny 911's tactics, and THEY DO WORK!!! PLEASE try to watch the show... It will also help you feel normal, maybe even better off than some familys. Sometimes a doctor and medication can't solve everything. I'm not saying, give up, you know, as I got older, my symptoms did improve, and I'm now aware of them, and I really turned out ok. Just don't give up, and don't take EVERY diagnosis that you get. Doctors really don't always know everything. They miss diagnos all the time. My advise is what I said before, and keep getting different opinions, and look for support groups, because YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE, and NIETHER IS YOUR DAUGHTER, I PROMISE!!!!! But please show some tough love.. If you need some help on that, let me know, I have some things, I know will work for you. :) WITH MUCH LOVE, CARE AND CONCERN,
I’m going to give you a bit of advice of what I did. Clear out a room that the only purpose of the room is time out. Even if it’s a bathroom clear it out were she can’t reach anything if your going to use her bedroom clear it out only leave her bed. That’s what I did. She will figure out she can’t throw things, the fits will not last as long if she doesn’t have things to throw. That might work!
The reason I asked if your daughter seemed stronger than normal is because my son does. When he is upset its almost as if he has some kind of supper hero powers that makes him this way. SID is short for Sensory Integration Disorder. The best way I can explain this is just imagine your at work, your in a meeting, the color of the walls are a bright orange, your work assignments are written everywhere on the wall also on the wall are bright colorful art. The man giving the meeting has a loud voice and also there is a woman with a high pitch voice speaking in a different language all at the same time. People are coming in and out getting snacks, warming up food. Some had smelly food like fish others had foods like tacos. How would you feel? This is what kids with SID deal with all day longs. Smells that we might thinks smell good smell awful to them. Noises are loud or not loud enough. I will stress to you to get her checked out ASAP it won’t hurt anything to see if she does have this disorder. I know with my son it was a miracle to find out that the reason for some of his actions were because he needed deep pressure. (For example the reason he was hitting, kicking, or slapping, wasn’t because he was bad instead he needed deep pressure.) Just like pinching he should have been a crab because he loves to pinch (Hard) so bubble wrap gave him the same feel as if he was pinching someone.
Calming activities that I use with Micah are: swinging, rocking in a chair, fidget toys, bear hugs, snuggling in his body sock.
Micah also is a biter even at the age of 7 he still bites. So with that its called mouthing activities to decrease biting. Chewing appropriate things such as: straws, rubber tubing, bumble ball. (You can also use twizzlers, pretzels, and chewing gum)
I know you mentioned your daughter doesn’t sleep well. I feel you on that one since the age of 18 months Micah has been on sleep medication. Has she ever had a sleep test? Micah did he woke up 305 times in the 8 hours we were there, but nothing really showed up. Micah has been on seroquel 200 mg @ bedtime for a while he was on 400mg but I didn’t like the effect it still had on him in the morning. So I ordered a body sock (Talk to a doctor first) and the first night I put him in “the sock”, he feel asleep before I gave him his medication. But he woke up still at 1am. If your daughter is not getting enough sleep she’s going to be cranky the next day. I know with Micah he would never sleep through the night with out medication.
I guess you knew when you put your “Story” on here you would get a lot of others opinions. You’re her mom and you are the one who has to learn what works best for her I know with Micah there are many feeling I have towards him there’s times when I feel sorry for him because I have no idea how it feels to be him. And then there are times that I would like to beat him, but I know that wouldn’t help our situation plus like I said he is very sensitive to touch so even if I pop his butt it feels like I slapped him. So I don’t spank him unless it last resort. I have my own opinions on medication you half to way out how well it works, how much is she gaining with the use of medication, is she happy, is she more controllable, is she more like what you expect out of her. That’s what I did with Micah. Nothing worked well enough for me to keep him on the medication he was pretty much the same, maybe a little better but not enough for me to take the risks of what some medications cause. But that’s your decision! I have medicated there were times when I think if I didn’t medicate him he would have killed his sister. Like I said we tried a lot of medications when he was younger and when I was younger but another big one is you just can’t expect medication to fix your daughter. Your daughter must want to be fixed, you can’t fix her she must learn she has to control her and when she can’t control herself there has to be somebody that she knows can. Like I said before my son has a one on one aide who is really good with him. They took her out of the special education (behavior room) just for him. They have had to restrain him many times. It breaks my heart to know that at age 7 he’s this bad off. But I know in my heart I have tried everything I have known to do. But that’s still not enough that’s why I’m here on this site. I will say this I think you want a 100% diagnose of what’s wrong with her is she BP. I don’t know does anybody know for sure? Even with my son he has ever symptom but I have learned that no matter what the label is for my son, it’s not going to change his behavior, nor is it going to get any easier. Really think about it. Does it matter what the label is? I know that when Micah was 4 I think I needed somebody to say the reason his moods go from happy to mad in a matter of minutes are because of this. And I’ll tell you almost 6 years of dealing with this I haven’t gotten an answer like that. I have heard well his moods change because he has BP. I have heard he gets stuck on different types of food because he has OCD. But know body has told me how to make him listen and how to get him to behave. I have read and spent a lot of money on books but nothing has really worked and if they did it stopped working after a few months. Micah is way behind social; his speech isn’t that great I understand him most of the time but as far as school, And my parents they don’t always understand what he is saying. Developmentally Micah is only on a five year old level so in dealing with him I have to get on a 5 year old level. Its really important to do that if your child isn’t on a five year old level if she isn’t able to understand what you are asking of her she isn’t going to be able to do what is asked of her. Also making her repeat back to you want she is supposed to be doing or what is need to get done. Ect I know this has helped out a lot I realized that Micah wasn’t getting half of what I was saying to him. So that worked out great. I don’t know how much of your daughters life is effected by what all is going on with her, but Micah is much better by himself. He doesn’t like to be left alone and he doesn’t like for me to be out of his sight even just leaving the room he will hunt me down. Its not just behavior with him, its moods, he seems sad most of the time, he can’t dress his self completely, he doesn’t understand danger as well as most children. He will run in front of cars, he wants to play with fire, he does things that by now he should no isn’t safe to do. So I half to stay onto of him 24-7. Does your daughter have an IEP @ school. And has she had a psychological evaluation? I know this is alot of information if you need anymore info just let me know i hope this helps. Rozanna
THIS IS FOR EVERYONE THAT HAS MADE COMMENTS< PLEASE READ!!!!!!
Hi it's me again. Wow have you had a hard time too! Keep your head up, your a great mom who cares deeply about your child too, and will do anything for him. It feels so good to come on this site daily (actually hourly sometimes) to view all the comments from everyone. I have been taking notes from everyones comments. I will try the advice given.
As for the SID, yes it really does seem like my daughter may have that. We have never been able to go places because of the way she acts. I can't discipline her the way I would at home because of other people being noise. Kaylee especially can't handle the mall. Oh, what a nightmare!!!! One day her dad was supposed to be keeping an eye on her while I tried some clothes on her sister and she just decided to leave the store and go to the play land. I said to my husband "Where is Kaylee?" It was so scary so I got the security guy and they found her way over there. She is such a smart little girl Our mall has lots of different turns. I can't believe she remembered how to get there on her own!!
She was 4, and she decided at about 6am to go outside, take her bike across our very busy street and ride "To Grandma's house" Which is very far away on bike. We had to call 911 and everything, this was a parents worse nightmare!! She came in our room that morning and we took her back to bed. I feel asleep again and she snuck out. She had only got across the street when the police found her, oh was I crying. We lectured her about that over and over, she did not think it was wrong.
As for how is her little sister is with all this? She is 3 now and has had a very hard life. When I put myself back to all these story's, I do realize Kaylee has gotten better. She used to hurt her sister so bad. Now she really takes care of her, she is mean sometimes but it;s a normal relationship. Mady would have scratches all over her face, people would ask us if we have a kitten. We would just say yes. Poor baby!!!! She had bruises on her from Kaylee. One day we ran in there room because Mady was screaming in pain. We got in there and Mady had blood all over. Kaylee had jumped in her crib and scratched and pinched her all over her body. We called her doctor and got her into the physc. hospital. What a sad time. That was my breaking point with all of this.
By the way we have took Kaylee off of all meds. We are going to see how she does. I hope and pray Kaylee does not go back to abusing Madyson. I will watch little Mady constantly. Again thanks all, and sorry this was so long, it feels so good to get things off my chest. Mindy
I’m glad you are getting some of this off of your chest. That’s good for ones body!
Well I’m glad that I told you about SID. I thought your daughter sounded like a child that suffered from this disorder. Years ago, this disorder was classified as autism. Have you ever watched the rain man? A very good movie, about autism it made me understand the disorder a lot better. If your daughter sees a behavior specialist you should let them know you want her tested for SID also known as SPD. If she does get diagnosed she also should receive services at school.
And yes sounds like there is way too much for her to have to deal with at the mall. I have learned that mental and physical Micah can’t handle stores I try to take him out in public weekly, Even if it’s going out to eat. I remember one day we were at Wal-Mart and he started screaming, which ended up being a full meltdown (age 3). He would walk around with his hands over his ears. We have had to leave McDonald’s over noises because he will kill over noises. Like I said smells will really make him sick. I don’t know how well she writes and does school work but there is a school program out there called “hand writing with out tears” its great! A big improvement with Micah’s had writing. With math we use counting bears, marker lids, ECT to count with.
Things you might have at home you might want to try:
Wrap here up in a blanket tightly. See how she does with it I almost could guarantee you that she will like it. Should be very calming to her.
Fill a stuffed animal or a sock up with about a pound of beans. Polly beads are the best to use cause you can wash it but beans, rice, and even sand work. Let her hold it on her lap when going out to the store put it in here backpack. If she does like it build a bear has bears you stuff, go in the store and let her pick out a animal don’t fill with fluff instead fill with Polly beads
Play dough is great for her to push on also pushing on walls give her deep pressure.
Remember don’t make her do any of this let her choose if she wants to try these things or not. Spinning her in a computer chair might calm her, as well. The feeling of rice in a bucket is calming for Micah although 5 years ago Micah wouldn’t touch rice he would describe it by saying boo boo. It hurt him. But now he loves it! Beans are a good touch with texture as well. If she likes to jump on her bed she probable is seeking deep pressure in her legs. With Micah I allow him to jump on the bed as long as I’m holding his hands, and only when I’m in the room. He loves tents, tunnels, and ball pits. Running help with their legs, pulling on their arms (an O.T tech or doctor has to show you) helps with the feeling of their arms being tight.
Well the school is calling I got to go. Hope these things help you both!
Kaylee is still off all med. I have been so though with her now for a month. Time out on the bottom step for sassing, spitting, hitting, being mean to her sister, fighting with kids outside, and anything else she know is wrong. I make her sit for 5 minuets of quite time. She can go for a half hour of this but she knows she has to sit until 5 minuets of quietness. I have been doing a reward system too. When she does something nice she gets a fake flower in her flower pot that I let her decorate herself. When she reaches 8, she gets to pick a prize out of a bowl. Which is: picking out a movie, staying up an extra 1/2 hour, outside time, just me and her go somewhere alone, go to the play land at the mall and play, and going to the park and play. It has gave her an incentive to be good. I constantly make a big deal when she is being good "Oh Kaylee, I'm so proud of you! Your playing so nice" It seems to be working but she is something else still! I still swear something is wrong. Some days I lock myself in our laundry room and cry! It is so hard.
Well, my child had her first happening at school. She was on the bus and ripped glasses off a boys face, and broke them. This boy is something else though. He has done so many mean things to her. We had a big talk with her and told her no matter what someone else is doing we need to control our anger! So now we have to pay to replace his glasses. The principal called us and said tomorrow at school she will call Kaylee into the office and talk to her, and she will talk to her teacher about it. She has been written up and she has to sit in the front of the bus now. Isn't this a little extreme? I can't believe this all for one incident like she is labeled as a bad child now. HELP?
I ‘am sorry but I don’t think its extreme she should be punished for her
Actions. No matter what anyone does or says that doesn’t give anyone the
Right to put their hand on others.
Just think what her punishment would be if she were 18 years old.
About a month ago my son who is 7 years old got suspended for head butting his principal (while they were restraining him). He was suspended for a week. I made the week where he was suspended as bad for him as possible.
The key to help your child is not to make excuses for her behavior (maybe the little boy was bothering her) still she shouldn’t of hit him or do anything physical to him, she should have told an adult. I have learned that these problems will only get worse as our children get bigger. If I had a dime for every time I made excuses for my son I would be rich. But I have learned that in the long run kids need to learn from their mistakes. And even though its really tough for us to except that our child did something that wasn’t nice we can’t keep blaming others for our children’s actions because soon she will figure out that whatever she does she can blame it on others and won’t get into trouble.
If I were in the spot that you are in having to pay for a child’s glasses I would give her some chores so she will get the concept that you have to pay for things that you break. Show her all the money that its going to take to replace the other child’s glasses tell her that would of bought some really neat toys, or that the money mom and dad had to dish out on glasses will take away from what you could of bought her for Christmas I know that kinda sounds mean but you really want her to understand that what she did wasn’t good.
Your comment was an eye opener!! It's true, that no matter what the boy was doing, she should have kept her hands to her self. Everyday I tell her "Remember, if someone is doing something wrong, or trying to make you mad, ignore it." She has not been in trouble since. Another question. I have tried to be the best mom possible. But she seems to have so much disrespect for me. She straightens up MOST of the time for her Dad, but is so much more naughty around me. I have been a stay at home Mom her whole life, could this be it? I am going nuts with everything! It has all got so much worse. No meds still, bit we go back to her Physc. next week. I can get really mad at her. She sasses me and gives me dirty looks all the time. Her attitude has gotten so horrible. Some of the things she says to me!
Oh, she also has started to make a "RAHHHHHHERRRR" noise like she is a monster, but she is being sassy/naughty when she does this. In the mornings she will not get dressed for me. She can wake up so pleasant and sweet, the minuet I tell her to do something, here goes a horrible fight for the next hour-hour and 1/2. I can't put her in time out because we all have to get ready for school/the day.
I don’t think your daughter problems are because you have
Been a stay at home mom all of her life. (Don’t blame yourself).
I can tell you’re a good mom and you want better for her, but trust me
No matter what we as parents do kids with special needs, well honestly all kids
Want to know what they can get away with. I know with Micah I have learned to make him be accountable for his own actions. That’s very important to start even when they are young. Even when other children have been mean to him or started the fight first.
Micah is a handful, and if I slip up one time on him,( let him get away with something) its almost like we have to start over again. So it’s very important to always be consistent with discipline. You said something about in the morning she gives you fits over making her get dressed or things she needs to do in the morning. Start a visual chart. For example get a pieces of poster board. Help her cut out cloths, tooth brush, breakfast items, ect thing that she needs to do in the morning. Post it somewhere on her eye level of what she needs to do on a daily basic. For example:
1. Wake up ( pic of someone getting out of bed) could use a pic of her getting out of her own bed.
2. Eat breakfast (pic of someone eating breakfast or even her eating breakfast)
I think its very, very, important to remember you don’t truly know what’s wrong with your daughter some of the behaviors she might not be able to control. Remember that when she starts getting you mad its very important for you to let her know that you are upset with her and you don’t like the way she is making you feel (make sure your other children, and of course your daughter is safe). And walk away from her. She will soon get that neither you nor anyone in the house likes to be around her when she is acting this way. Timeout should always be in the same spot or as much as possible. If you use her room and she starts throwing things take everything out of her room. I have done this many times to Micah. If he throws it the item, items are mine.
And in the morning I will say your showing her that anything she does in the morning she can get away with because you don’t have time to deal with the issues. Let her be late to school if she don’t want to get dress send her in her PJ’s show her that she’s not only wasting her time but also your time. Let her know since she did waste so much of your time not doing what need to be done (not getting dressed, not listening, ect.) When you get back from school today we wont be able to do (watch TV, play a game, whatever she likes doing take it from her). And see if this helps. It might not.
Micah has now been diagnosed with AS on top of SID, and BP, which has made me rethink how much of his behaviors he can control. But I have had to look at him and his behaviors a little different no matter if he can control his angier, aggression, and his moody ness, its my job as his mom to make him learn how to control all the things that hasn’t come natural to him. sometimes it takes a lot of tuff love to get him to understand that I’m upset with him because he doesn’t get the cues like most children get he doesn’t get when I’m angry just by my face expression, so its very important for me to tell him not yell at him but kindle let him know that I dislike the way he hit me or I don’t like the way your acting so I don’t want to see your right now. Ect. I don’t want to hear you scream because it hurts my ears so I need you to go in your room and only come out when you can be sweet.. Another thing is called “ with love and logic”; this didn’t work with Micah because he didn’t understand the concept of what I was telling him. (I can’t just tell him to go to his room I have to take him to his room, show him what I expect out of him. but it might work with her they have a website parenting with love and logic. It’s really all about let your child make there own chose but being accountable when the chose they made wasn’t the right one.. You might want to look at that anyways keep your head up and please don’t think that this is anything you have done to your child. The more you think that the more you will feel sorry for her and give into her. I hope I haven’t made you mad, but only gave you some info that might help your family out good luck with her and keep us posted also I don’t know if you have read it but I have a new post on here check it out I listed everything on there that I seen in Micah from the time he was eight months old see if she sounds like what she is gone through..
sorry so long.. Rozanna
No, you do not offend me at all. I like talking to you and getting your opinions. I love long comments too! You have been through so much with Micah, you are a strong person! I'm glad the doctors are finding out everything wrong with him. It helps to have a diagnosis so you can research it, understand it, and than help your son to over come it. I will read your new post! The doctors put Kaylee back on medicine. Concerta this time. I guess this one works within an hour of taking it. It took a couple days but she has gotten better. What me and my husband notice is she is not so "in your face" anymore. She runs up to you so load and fast and ruff just to ask a question! But it has gotten better and also the hyperness. I guess this will help her with thinking before doing something harmful too. We were at the "Falls park" the other day and it has waterfalls, she ran up to the water so fast, I had to SCREAM to stop her, scary!!! Thank you for assuring me that I am doing everything to help her. I just doubt my mommy-ness sometimes because of all this, it's hard not to. You take care and please keep me posted. Thanks!
I have a 5 1/2 year old son that they think has BP. He sounds just like your daughter except he is like this in school and everywhere he goes. Whatever mood he is in at the time is what you get. No change just because he went too school. He is a handful. It makes me wonder if I have bi polar. I was just like my son as a child. I was the mean, crazy...people called me the devil child. I regret everything I did as a child, however, there is nothing I can do about it now. I just don't want my son to go through everything I did. I have been on meds and in hospitals myself when I was a child. I was against giving children meds too because of my experience and fears... till I had one myself who is just like me when I was a child. Now, he goes to doctors " the best in the KC area " and is on meds. He is completely uncontrollable without meds. Don't listen too these people who find the need to say " DON'T PUT YOUR KIDS ON MEDS " These people have not dealt with or seen children like ours. They think they have, but all they've seen is children who need discipline . There are children out there that are spoiled and need discipline. This is not the case with my son. I'm very structured and I do discipline. I think thats one reason why my son is not as bad as I was at his age.
You also here people talk about avoiding taking them places " like your child and the mall " this is a mistake. The only way they can somewhat get used to it is to be exposed. I still take my son out all the time and get embarrassed all the time. But sitting at home and not going anywhere out of fear of embarrassment or just not wanting to deal with it is not a good idea. My son and I go out to eat every week, sometimes twice. I take him to the movies, the zoo etc... I still let him experiance normal things that any other child would have the opportunity too do.
hi............my 6 yr old sounds identicle but we had to (well dont know about had to) but we put him on meds and was everything you described. he is is a sweet , polite, kind, and not to mention very smart child. (on meds) his nuerologistand dr said once you control the symtoms the real child can come out. If he isnt on his meds he cant even write any letter of the alphabet............on his meds he writes anything. He has other issues adhd, ocd, sensory something, ppd, aspergers............you name it they say he has it but he is doing so well we cant believe it.
He woud get kicked out of every day care, ASI gymnastics, parents nightout, everything.
He threw a glass at his grandmother and laughed. He would poop on the floor at places and come out naked and rub it all over the caretakers, he would run through glass doors and not even cry. We were thinking he was posessed. NOT REALLY
We have a long way to go. But I feel your pain and hope we can keep in touch. I still strugle daily with every little thing so it isnt over.
He acts 2 most the time, but at least hes calm and not hurting himself or anyone else. BUT....in school kindergarten he is passign at his level almost everyting but a few little things.
Most people done know what to make of because he talks like a mono tone grown up and is a litle strange to other so everyone I meet says ' OH hes so funny, I just love him" it pisses me off casue i know they want to say hes wierd.
I love him weird, wuirky and all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, thanks for the support, I would love to keep in touch!! It is soooooo hard raising kids like this isn't it? My Kaylee is a little grown up too! Some of the things they come up with. I have her back on meds too, it's to much without it. She was hurting her little sister, and started to do it all to me again too, so we had to. I'm not so worried about bi-polar anymore, her sleep has greatly inproved. I notice with her being on meds she knows her letters, and the sounds of them. But off of them, she doesn't take the time to do anything!!! She has been sooooooooo whiney lately though!! She acts like a little 2 year old. Well, merry christmas, and keep in touch! Thanks, Mindy
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