A Mother's love

[squiggy1]

My daughter has bi-polar.  We are trying so hard to help her with her swings in moods and are reading as much as we can to learn her disease. I sat in a 8 hour seminar at St. Norberts college to try and find ways to help.  She has two small children under her care and we worry greatly for the well-being of the children.  Is there any new or old ways that she can learn how to control her swings or flag them when they start to come on so that we can step in for the children.  She has a tendency to scream at them for very little things and this is our hardest challenge...to get her to stop and acknowledge her actions...help...we're in great need of advice.

[zzzmykids]

Sorry, meant to say,  I have a psychiatrist I see regularly, a talk Christian psychologist talk therapist, a regular intern that does my three month blood tests who sends the results to my psych and my chiropractor who I also see regularly. I happen to have  friends who have loved me for years and have accepted most states. Two neighbors know, one is a highway patrol the other has an autistic son and both make sure if they haven't seen me in a while outside to call my husband or come over and check on me. I have a core of people.  I find it helpful as sometimes I don't realize I am manic...it comes out in anger or I have fallen in to a deep depression.
Long footnote, sorry . zzz

[zzzmykids]

My Momma just past. I was not diagnosed until in my forties. Didn't tell parents or any family except our girls until I absolutely had to. My momma said, " That's why you acted like you did as a teenager." Then she accepted it.
Make sure she has plenty of water, journaling, excersing and keeping as regular pattern as possible. I monitor my mood when I wake up. Also many of us have patterns to our highs and lows. Sometimes feeling unloved or disrespected will trigger a depression.
You are good parents to have done all you have done. My husband is the only one that has read up on bp2. My oldest says she has but, I don't know. My youngest too close to knowing what it could be for her stays as far away from dealing with it as possible.
My husband and oldest daughter have come to several psychiatrists I have had and approve of this one the most.
Continue loving her. I never hurt my girls, I was sporatic about meals.  During situational and regular times of depression, I was in bed but would have them come in and cuddle and would attempt to get up. They are both married and we have two grandchildren. Healthy marriages and the one with children is an awesome Mom. I hope your daughter appreciates your love and care. Please  don't be condescending or controling they both trigger me.
So hopefully you will feel a little better about your daughter.
Sincerely,
zzzmykids

[squiggy1]

I just wanted to say thanks for the cognitive behavior therapy help...I went on ebay and found all sorts of book,cd's and worksheets to help get her to change/control her thinking...I remember listening to zig zeglar when I was in my teens...he called it stinken thinken and really made you look at the way you think ....I believe if you get into the habit of saying to yourself negative things....negative things become you.  There are also some meditation cd's on positive thinking on ebay...fairly  cheap!  I just wanted to say, without your input, I never would of found this route....Thank You!!

[squiggy1]

Oh, believe me, this community is God sent, for it also gives me a way to vent and do it in a constructive manner...with the help from the very ones who have to deal with it far more than me...I will keep all of you in my prayers....and if you ever need to vent...I'm all ears:)  I don't have the knowledge that you do about it, but, I am willing to learn and hopefully someday, I too, can become the needed friend when none can be found.  The path that we all walk now can be one that is shared by friends who know where your at...bless you all and....we can do it!!!

[Fizzy74]

Wow what amazing support your daughter has!  You are an amazing mum.  I often have said to my husband that he needs just as much if not more support for having had to put up with me, and still having at times to put up with my irrationality.  It is hard when you have kiddies, but if you have support and she is getting time out that is great.  I do a lot of writing, and write a lot of poetry as well.  Even if no one else sees it, it sometimes is such a release.  My mum and I had a really bad relationship before I was diagnosed and got help, and it was through no fault of hers, but it was because I was seeing everything in such a bad light!  

I do hope that everything starts coming right, if she gets an outlet even if when she feels angry she goes for a walk, does some deep breathing, whcih I do a lot!  The boys were being right ratbags yesterday, but I just kept counting to 10 and then thought of something funny  to talk about.  It is hard, and she will still have very hard days, as well as you and your family, but one day at a time, and soon she will be able to look back and go gee look how far I have come!

Take care

[squiggy1]

It is my main concern..the children.  It breaks my heart...then angers me to hear her scream at them.  I finally convinced her(and this came with an all out blowout between us)that she needs to aknowledge this behavior and find some way form of outlet to let the anger come out....as I said to Fizzy74, we are working on some goofy ways to do this(it starts as laughter, then the more she hits, the more it starts to come out) but if it works, who cares, as long as she is not directing the anger towards her children, and it helps to stop the guilt she must feel after.  Guilt can be a very distructive feeling, it promotes low self esteem and a  feeling of hopelessness.  We hope today, that she will come back with some mood stabilizers and a sense that no matter what....we love her.

[squiggy1]

Thank you so much for the imput, she is on her way as we speak..to a new pdoctor.  We are supporting her as much as we can, and have taken over the children aspect of it by enrolling them in pre-school and helping out so that she can focus more on her needs right now.  We have moved her in with my other daughter, and have set up days off for each of us so that we each can get away and enjoy a movie, shopping or just taking a walk.  This seems to help with a break from the thoughts.  I and my daughter go together on our days off...the last break she said she had a wonderful day:)  I am trying to set up other alternatives for her to do when she is feeling out of control..whether it's beat the bed with a broom...opening the door and letting out a scream...or writing her thoughts in a journal...I am trying to teach her to let it out and not crawl inside where she is alone.  I love my daughter and I have so much to learn..but we will get through this and deal with it on a day to day basis...Thanks again for your input

[Fizzy74]

I agree with Iladvocate.  Get her to see a psychiatrist, get her to to talk to someone (neutral from the family) as well.  I have two small children and have bipolar and before I was diagnosed it was a terrible time for myself and my children and husband.  Luckily I knew that things were not right and took myself to a psychiatrist, I would go into terrible mood rages sometimes over inconsequential things.  Since seeing a psychiatrist, being on medication, having sessions with a psychologist things have started to even out (there are still moments) but compared to who and how I was, I am much better.  The mood swings are terrible and unpredictable.  My husband said he never quite knew what he would be walking into.  Also the fact that sometimes your moods are put down to being a moody woman doesn't help which is what I got a lot.  

Hopefully once she starts getting some help then life may be a bit easier for all of you.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Well of course the first step is for her to see a psychiatrist. Talk therapy and sometimes cognitive behavioral therapy can be helpful as well. Regardless of having bipolar she has to be able to treat her children appropriately. That is a seperate issue but parenting classes could be helpful for that but you should monitor that situation closely for her children's safety depending how much it impacts on them.