Let me give you a bit of my background. I am 37 years old and have suffered from bipolar disordered since I was a teenager but was only diagnosed about 7 years ago. I really wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life, I feel I have wasted so much of my youth with major depression or dangerous manic states. I broke up with a bf of 6 years last Spring for the way he had been treating me and emotionally distancing himself within the last few months of our relationship and I had been having a hard time getting over it-- he presumably has bipolar disorder as well, but refuses to get diagnosed or get treatment. My doctor slightly increased my Effexor dose and it seemed to help somewhat.
My ex contacted me about 6 months after the breakup and I tried my hardest to not contact him due to the yo-yo relationship we had with us both having mania and depressive disorders. He contacted me again about 6 weeks later and I finally replied, to my regret. We talked for a couple of weeks and he went on about how much he had missed me, no other girl compared, I knew him better than anyone...blah blah blah. Well, we got into a fight after I found evidence that he had cheated on me when we were together. He tried to contact me again with a "kisses" message and I ignored him.
The holidays went by and this is the first holiday we had not been a couple and I fell into a deep depression and he did not contact me. I decided to contact him a couple of days after New Years to ask why I had not heard from him, at least as a friend, for the holidays. He said he was sorry and we needed to talk. He called me to let me know that he has actually been seeing someone since we broke up, it was someone he had been in contact with through his job while we were still a couple and they spent the holidays together and now they were very serious and he decided he wanted to move on with her. I was completely devastated, hurt, and felt used. It has been a few weeks now and I fell into an even deeper depression, became suicidal and started having panic attacks. I saw my doctor again, she upped my Effexor to the highest dose and put me on xanax, I also started seeing a therapist because I am having extreme obsessive thoughts about my ex and his new gf, I have learned everything I could learn about her online, I stalk their FB and Linkin pages. I have overwhelming urges to sent her an email and tell her how he contacted me before he went on holiday with her, show her the emails, the sexually suggestive texts and the dirty pics he sent me. I even have obsessive thoughts about him getting bored with her and coming back to me again. This affects my whole life, my job, my personal relationships, school, ect.
The xanax really seems to help somewhat with the obsession, as well as with panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. But I still feel no joy. Instead of bouncing from mania and depression like I have in the past I am just majorly depressed or I am at a level where I don't really feel depressed, but I don't feel any joy in life either. I cannot motivate myself to get back into my favorite hobbies and I am having a hard time getting school work done (which school was something that was one of my top priorities before). I also am suffering from insomnia and wake up every night and can't fall back asleep, I just lay in bed too tired to do anything, so I start obsessing again. My doctor recommended cutting back on the Effexor and adding a mood stabilizer called Abilify to help bring some mood balance and joy back into my life, she said it would also help me sleep. The only problem is I have a high deductible on my insurance and the pharmacy said the Abilify was 700 bucks for a 30 days supply unit I reach my deductible of $1250. There is no way I can afford that! I talked to my therapist about it and she said that she has some other patients that are on it and they have claimed it works wonders for them. I really feel like I need this in order to get my life back on track and get over this hump, but how do other people on this drug deal with the cost? Are there any major coupons or discounting programs for drugs like these??
I didn't get diagnosed until I was 32 and I can feel your pain. I don't really mind that I wasn't diagnosed earlier because of the depression but it would have helped with the addiction and coping skills if I learned earlier what was going on.
In my last relationships, the last two, both of them were bipolar and as hard as I tried, I could not get them to work.
I went through the same thing during the holidays. The girl that i was in a relationship wouldn't even text me. That is how I knew we were drifting apart and it hurt for a very long time. I also had the obsessive thoughts about Carolyn. I would call and text several times a day but she would never answer. The medicine my help but a lot of it is cognitive. If you want to learn more about that look up my theories about fighting depression.
They are titled:
Fighting depression part 2
Fighting depression part 3
Fighting depression part 4
Fighting impatience, stress, and fear
I have heard of people that help with your prescriptions but I have never used them. It may take some digging but I hope it works,
I am on a combo of zoloft and abilify
and it has worked wonders for me. The
Abilify really helped get rid of the depression
that the zoloft didnt handle. You are right
in that it is very expensive. My pdoc gave
me samples for a long time but now I
am buying it in the generic form from
Canada. My last prescription for 100 pills
(10mg. each) cost me a total of $70.00.
The generic works as good for me as the
brand name and is so much cheaper. There
are several companies from Canada that offer
the generic of Abilify.
I hope this helps and I hope you feel better
Abilify is an antipsychotic that is also FDA approved as a mood stabilizer. More specific informaton about it can be found on the medication website that you could discuss with your psychiatrist. If you have coverage issues you could see if supplementary insurance might be an option. Also depending on income there is also the Patient Assistance Program where some pharmaceutical companies can provde a free supply of the medication on a monthly basis. You could find out if you are eliigible and your psychiatrist would need to complete the forms. Also as the way health care is provided changes that could potentially make obtaining coverage easier Keep yourself up to date. I agree with the other post but just filling in some information.
I am sorry that you are going through this, but it is always nice to hear that I am not alone in this...I always felt like I was! The sad thing is my ex had obviously moved on before our relationship ended and him contacting me again was just him using me for attention and sexual conversation all the while he was building a relationship with someone else. I think that is what hurts the most...he moved on emotionally and I had not. And for him to call me just to tell me he was with someone else was like rubbing salt in the wound, not to mention he told me he could see himself falling in love with her. UGH! Yes, it is very difficult to build a relationship with another person who is also bipolar and I will not do it again. My therapist says I have to get to a place where I am happy and healthy mentally before I try to find another relationship. Then at that point I need to find someone who is just as happy and stable within themselves. That's a tough one, we will see what the future brings. Good luck to you!
You probably already know this but their are other antipsychotic drugs to choose from that may be less expensive and work just the same for you. Abilify did not work for me. Everyone's body responds diff to diff drugs. What works for some doesn't work for others. If you end up not being able to get Abilify, just know you have other options.
It sounds like you will be much better off without this man in your life. Know you can move on and take care of you. My best to you!
Thanks Crystal! Yes, I do realize I do not need someone like him, but with the disorder I have and the turmoil from my childhood I have a hard time letting go of toxic relationships and become obsessive, and rejection cuts me like a knife. I don't want to be like this, I want to stop. Yes, there are other drugs and you are correct in saying what works for one does not work for another. I have gone through a few different drugs that didn't work for me and caused some harsh side effects but I have friends that have done great one them. And I definitely do not want to spend tons of money on a pill that may not work in my favor. My doctor is looking into other options for me, so we will see what she says. Thanks again!
Abilify is an antipsychotic which acts as a mood stabilizer but there are other mood stabilizers available in generic - lithium, depakote, lamotrigine. There are other antipsychotics that are cheaper or available in generic. I happen to take Abilify and pay a hefty price. I am on medicare and pay $75 at first; then 1/2 the cost, around $350 in the doughnut hole, and $35 approx. in the catastrophic level. Last year my meds cost $19,000 - I paid about $5,000 of that and the rest was covered by medicare insurance Part D.
Ambilify does in fact have a card good for twelve months that lowers your co pay. I only had to pay 40$ a month.
So, call the 1800 number for Abilify, and ask for it.
I took this med several years ago. It made me a zombie. Well, my new Dr wanted to try it again. He explained that they found low doses, 5-10 mg, actually works better with aiding AD than what they used to do, prescribe 40 mg.
This medicine is attainable, if you call and ask for the RX card. My Dr actually had it in his office, I called, it took less than 5 minutes to sign up, and get the low co pay.
Please don`t rely on Xanax.. I took it while going through my divorce to help with the panic attacks that I started getting and before I knew it, I was taking them like candy just to cope with raising 3 kids, selling a house and a terrible divorce that almost cost me my life. I only took it for about 7 months but when it came that I was taking like10 pills a day just to cope, I realized that it wasn`t panic attacks anymore it was the medication screwing with my brain to make me take more and more until I went into shock and almost died. After going on the benzo buddies forum and learning what Xanax does to our central nervous system...it all made sense how that magic pill plays with you head....makes you think your actually going nuts....
just my experience..
I know exactly what you mean about the xanax. My doc started me on the 0.25mg and I noticed that it was starting to not work as well when I only took one pill. It used to also last about 6 hours or so. Now I have to take 2 of them to get the same effect and it only seems to last maybe 4 hours. I found myself on some days taking about 6 pills throughout the day. I have been trying to go for stretches without taking any but it really does have a dire effect on my emotions and it is tough. I just got my mood stabilizer so I will start using that and hopefully we will see what that does. Thank you!
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