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Am I Bipolar?
by adel_ezz, Jul 29, 2008 05:39AM
I am the eldest of two children (me Ezz 25 and my sister Dina 23). In school I was younger than my colleagues and some beat me. I was of a moderate standard in my grades, very shy and calm, and with a few friends. In college I chose a tough subject (electronics). I remember I used to hide my instruments (rubber, calculator,…) as they distract me if I look at them while at work. At the end of my 2nd year I had a severe car crash inflicting bad injuries on my teeth, but I was cured. Later I began to weep intermittently until I barely passed the exams.
Beginning 3rd year when I was 19 years old, I panicked in an exam and collapsed. I sometimes even didn't have the will to stand up on my feet and prefer to sit on the floor. Being alarmed, my mother took me to a psychiatrist who upon listening to my story - put me on Zoloft (antidepressant) and Benzo and said I needed serotonin. We took a 2nd opinion and were the same meds and I was diagnosed by both doctors as OCD. After a few weeks I had serious agitations, so we consulted a 3rd who said since you switched to the other side it means bipolarity. We didn't listen to him because it's more logical to have OCD as it runs into my father family (so my father said, although he was never diagnosed, neither took meds, but because he heard of my OCD the first time, he tried to read and compare and finding himself washing his hands, hesitant, indecisive, doesn't like to touch things, etc.. he concluded that I must have OCD by inheritance and find it illogical to assume otherwise, i.e. that this must be my illness). So we reverted to our 2nd doctor and stayed with him ever since, who cancelled the Zoloft and changed to [Anafranil (clomipramine 25Mg), stellazin (trifluoperazine 1Mg), benzo (0.75 Mg) and risperidone (1MG)]. I became stable for 3 years and passed my exams and graduated. So it all looks OK now and I am an OCD man with mild depression (much less than the 1st onset) and started to look for a job.
My father not convinced of going indefinitely on meds kept nagging to start to stop them as I am ok now. The doctor agreed (whether both are stupid) my mother kept quite especially that the doctor said that stress of college was the reason and since I graduated I can now start the withdrawal. I stopped stellazin directly (no harm done, very good). Knowing that risperidone is a tougher med, I started to take it every other day and after 2 weeks I stopped it completely and no harm done. OK. However I kept the Anafranil because it's an antidepressant for the neurotransmitters to help me stand on my feet, boost my energy, and for my OCD as well and for removing all the bad thoughts in my head.
After 3 months, I started to become very happy, even went to the zoo and bribed the supervisor to let me touch the tail of the lion, the crocodile and held a serpent in my hands. I began to say lies like I walked on moving sands, a very little of delusions, hallucinations, I would beat my parents, become mad and do things irrationally. We went to the doctor to thank him because depression went away and now I am strong and mostly happy. My doctor was alarmed. For the 1st time I noticed him writing a note for him "bipolar mania". Upon asking him, he said don't worry but advised us to stop the anti-depressant (Anafranil) which was the reason of my audacity supposedly and reverts back to riperidone with heavy Neurazin (chlorpromazine) for a few weeks to stop the so-called mania. With this, I fell into severe depression with weeping a number of times. After making sure the so-called mania had gone we reverted to our original meds (anafranil, stellazin, benzo and risperidone) and stayed almost stable for another year. I started searching for jobs, quit some until I found one a little stressful in which I joined for 3 months ending last May.
One day I started to have rage for the 1st time, a feeling of revenge, impulsivity, anger, agitations, aggression (using hands), excessive drive, energy, restless sleeping (at night), and it starts – like my father says - with a voice of a tiger, and frightening my family. Then I cool down as if nothing happened. This occurred for a few minutes few times during the day. So we consulted other doctors who said I am a bipolar and advised Depakine. My doctor said this is mood swings and he can't classify it as bipolar disorder, but could be bipolar hypomania or anxiety attack. Another doctor (my doctor was on a trip) said it's mania right but not necessarily like my 1st mania with euphoria, happiness, courage, etc… and he said and as soon as the mania disappears, I shall have to be put on mood stabilizers. I took neurazin like in my 1st mania. However a few weeks of neurazin although stopped my rage, didn't cure it because when I stop it, the rage comes back intermittently. So a couple of days ago, this new doctor changed it to Seroquel 50 Mg. It seems OK. On consulting my doctor as he arrived he seems to agree to the meds and both now confirmed that I have to be put on mood stabilizers.
My question is: am I bipolar for sure, or perhaps with GAD, OCD, PTSD (due to my accident, they say it can last for years), what else can it be? Can a Bipolar patient taking no stabilizer stay one year normal almost? Bipolarity itself is I, II,…VI kinds, which ?
My real query is about the mania!! Should it definitely be a bipolarity sign? I read that one attack of mania is enough to be called bipolar, but perhaps because I stopped the risperidone (my first mania occurred after 3 months from stopping it and living on anafranil only).
I read that mood stabilizers are necessary even if I am not bipolar so that if the mania comes back it doesn't come stronger (which is the case this time: the 1st mania was happiness, excessive courage, … now rage, revenge and anger). If I have to be on mood stabilizers which is the safest for my liver, kidneys, etc… because they are lifetime ones (tegretol, depakine, lithium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, others if safer). If I don't take stabilizers is there a guarantee that the mania may not come. Is there less harmful meds?
(continue next message)
Beginning 3rd year when I was 19 years old, I panicked in an exam and collapsed. I sometimes even didn't have the will to stand up on my feet and prefer to sit on the floor. Being alarmed, my mother took me to a psychiatrist who upon listening to my story - put me on Zoloft (antidepressant) and Benzo and said I needed serotonin. We took a 2nd opinion and were the same meds and I was diagnosed by both doctors as OCD. After a few weeks I had serious agitations, so we consulted a 3rd who said since you switched to the other side it means bipolarity. We didn't listen to him because it's more logical to have OCD as it runs into my father family (so my father said, although he was never diagnosed, neither took meds, but because he heard of my OCD the first time, he tried to read and compare and finding himself washing his hands, hesitant, indecisive, doesn't like to touch things, etc.. he concluded that I must have OCD by inheritance and find it illogical to assume otherwise, i.e. that this must be my illness). So we reverted to our 2nd doctor and stayed with him ever since, who cancelled the Zoloft and changed to [Anafranil (clomipramine 25Mg), stellazin (trifluoperazine 1Mg), benzo (0.75 Mg) and risperidone (1MG)]. I became stable for 3 years and passed my exams and graduated. So it all looks OK now and I am an OCD man with mild depression (much less than the 1st onset) and started to look for a job.
My father not convinced of going indefinitely on meds kept nagging to start to stop them as I am ok now. The doctor agreed (whether both are stupid) my mother kept quite especially that the doctor said that stress of college was the reason and since I graduated I can now start the withdrawal. I stopped stellazin directly (no harm done, very good). Knowing that risperidone is a tougher med, I started to take it every other day and after 2 weeks I stopped it completely and no harm done. OK. However I kept the Anafranil because it's an antidepressant for the neurotransmitters to help me stand on my feet, boost my energy, and for my OCD as well and for removing all the bad thoughts in my head.
After 3 months, I started to become very happy, even went to the zoo and bribed the supervisor to let me touch the tail of the lion, the crocodile and held a serpent in my hands. I began to say lies like I walked on moving sands, a very little of delusions, hallucinations, I would beat my parents, become mad and do things irrationally. We went to the doctor to thank him because depression went away and now I am strong and mostly happy. My doctor was alarmed. For the 1st time I noticed him writing a note for him "bipolar mania". Upon asking him, he said don't worry but advised us to stop the anti-depressant (Anafranil) which was the reason of my audacity supposedly and reverts back to riperidone with heavy Neurazin (chlorpromazine) for a few weeks to stop the so-called mania. With this, I fell into severe depression with weeping a number of times. After making sure the so-called mania had gone we reverted to our original meds (anafranil, stellazin, benzo and risperidone) and stayed almost stable for another year. I started searching for jobs, quit some until I found one a little stressful in which I joined for 3 months ending last May.
One day I started to have rage for the 1st time, a feeling of revenge, impulsivity, anger, agitations, aggression (using hands), excessive drive, energy, restless sleeping (at night), and it starts – like my father says - with a voice of a tiger, and frightening my family. Then I cool down as if nothing happened. This occurred for a few minutes few times during the day. So we consulted other doctors who said I am a bipolar and advised Depakine. My doctor said this is mood swings and he can't classify it as bipolar disorder, but could be bipolar hypomania or anxiety attack. Another doctor (my doctor was on a trip) said it's mania right but not necessarily like my 1st mania with euphoria, happiness, courage, etc… and he said and as soon as the mania disappears, I shall have to be put on mood stabilizers. I took neurazin like in my 1st mania. However a few weeks of neurazin although stopped my rage, didn't cure it because when I stop it, the rage comes back intermittently. So a couple of days ago, this new doctor changed it to Seroquel 50 Mg. It seems OK. On consulting my doctor as he arrived he seems to agree to the meds and both now confirmed that I have to be put on mood stabilizers.
My question is: am I bipolar for sure, or perhaps with GAD, OCD, PTSD (due to my accident, they say it can last for years), what else can it be? Can a Bipolar patient taking no stabilizer stay one year normal almost? Bipolarity itself is I, II,…VI kinds, which ?
My real query is about the mania!! Should it definitely be a bipolarity sign? I read that one attack of mania is enough to be called bipolar, but perhaps because I stopped the risperidone (my first mania occurred after 3 months from stopping it and living on anafranil only).
I read that mood stabilizers are necessary even if I am not bipolar so that if the mania comes back it doesn't come stronger (which is the case this time: the 1st mania was happiness, excessive courage, … now rage, revenge and anger). If I have to be on mood stabilizers which is the safest for my liver, kidneys, etc… because they are lifetime ones (tegretol, depakine, lithium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, others if safer). If I don't take stabilizers is there a guarantee that the mania may not come. Is there less harmful meds?
(continue next message)
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One day I started to have rage for the 1st time, a feeling of revenge, impulsivity, anger, agitations, aggression (using hands), excessive drive, energy, restless sleeping (at night). Then I cool down as if nothing happened. This occurred for a few minutes few times during the day. So we consulted other doctors who said I am a bipolar and advised Depakine. My doctor said this is mood swings and he can't classify it as bipolar disorder, but could be bipolar hypomania or anxiety attack. Another doctor said it's mania right but not necessarily like my 1st mania with euphoria, happiness, courage, etc… and he said and as soon as the mania disappears, I shall have to be put on mood stabilizers. I took neurazin like in my 1st mania. However a few weeks of neurazin although stopped my rage, didn't cure it because when I stop it, the rage comes back intermittently. So a couple of days ago, this new doctor changed it to Seroquel 50 Mg. It seems OK. On consulting my doctor as he arrived he seems to agree to the meds and both now confirmed that I have to be put on mood stabilizers.
My question is: am I bipolar for sure, or perhaps with GAD, OCD, PTSD (due to my accident, they say it can last for years), what else can it be? Bipolarity itself is I, II,…VI kinds, which ? My real query is about the mania!! Should it definitely be a bipolarity sign? I read that one attack of mania is enough to be called bipolar, but perhaps because I stopped the risperidone (my first mania occurred after 3 months from stopping it and living on anafranil only). I read that mood stabilizers are necessary even if I am not bipolar so that if the mania comes back it doesn't come stronger (which is the case this time: the 1st mania was happiness, excessive courage, … now rage, revenge and anger). If I have to be on mood stabilizers which is the safest for my liver, kidneys, etc… because they are lifetime ones (tegretol, depakine, lithium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, others if safer). If I don't take stabilizers is there a guarantee that the mania may not come. Is there less harmful meds?
I also am distracted, cannot focus on one issue, cannot take a decision or else take a decision then change quickly i.e. I have an inability to take a decision. Few thoughts, some distorted, keep going through my mind over and over. I lack good concentration. I feel easily overwhelmed. I am irritable, frustrated and have low tolerance.
Finally, It is said that some anti-depressants (especially the tricyclic like anafranil) can actually cause a manic or a depressive episode, which happened to be my antidepressant for 5 uninterrupted years. So could it be that the anafranil I constantly used (not now) has added to my 2nd mania? Because my 1st mania arrived when I stopped the risperidone and lived for 3 months on anafranil only. My 2nd mania arrived when my mother augmented the dose to alleviate the stress of work. So could it be the reason and it's not bipolarity?.
Adel Ezz
No wonder nobody else has responded to your post.
Simply too difficult to read through it all. Sorry.
If that really is you, then you need more help than you can get here on these forums.
Pls i don't need your sarcasm, if you wish not to study my case i may find others who are more kind
thanks
ezz
please accept my apology and best wishes in finding the help you need.
blather
I thank you very much for your kind reply. This is the first moderate opinion I read in my case and is truly encouraging. You can enlighten me further (sorry to exploit your generosity) can mania as you gathered be associated with OCD as you said.
The thing is during my study on the web of BP and other things, (i am an engineer) i came up with the conclusion that medicine is not a science in the sense that drugs are for curing the symptoms and not the cause of the illness. When you have a headache you take an aspirin and give a dam to the reason behind. Now BP patients get manic so if I get manic does it mean I am bipolar? it sounds like chickens eat beans, I eat beans, therefore i am a chicken !!. But because pdocs can't tell and they usually associate mania to BP so they reckon meds are the same like those for BP. Why do I care as not to be called BP because meds are lifelong ones with severe side effects. So unless I am sure i am BP I should look for the right diagnosis.
Your view I suppose is personal. So my final question can mania caused by tricyclics twice which is my case can occur to a "normal" or at least not bipolar. My pdoc who knows my case diagnosed me as mood swings and on asking him am i bipolar he was skeptical but as i consulted other new ones they all said BP. When i reverted to him and told him he didn't mind calling me bipolar. In my view they all had guesses!!
thanks
ezz