Am I going crazy?

[14dude]

Hi,

           I'm a 14 yr old male. I've been acting strange lately. I always use to feel down and think that everybody hates me for no apparent reason ever since I was 11-12. It wasn't till this year when I started doing strange things. I am very irritable. I get angry for the smallest things and my anger is bad. Bad enough to actually threaten the life of someone and also, to actually plot a  murder. I  don't think I have it to actually kill someone, but maybe hurt them. I've been hurting myself for two years now. I cut myself. But sometimes when I'm really angry at myself suicidal thoughts and attempts have happened. I always thought it was because I don't get much sleep. It's hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep. Sometime I wake up one to two hours earlier than I should and other times I just choose to sleep in the entire day. The other thing I noticed is I get some horrible mood swings. One moment I'm all happy and laughing, then I'm angry and shouting at everybody, then feeling depressed and hating myself. This happens atleast twice a day. But what really got me thinking that I'm going crazy is that I feel people can read my mind. for example, if I am at the dinner table thinking about my grades going down( It's really hard to concentrate these days as-well), and everybody is quietly eating, I feel that my parents are reading my mind, so I quickly change the subject in my head. I hate silence. Whenever it's too quiet for my liking I break something in purpose. I also think I have an eating disorder because it's a one day in - one day out thing. I eat a lot one day, then the following day I don't eat anything. I'm beginning  to get scared of myself. I need to know what is wrong with me and If i should get help. It's not everyday I hurt myself and stuff. Sometimes I would be generally feeling happy for a whole day. So it's not a every day thing. Is it still serious? I need to get a answer and advice on what to do if indeed I have a problem.

[Venora Moonwind]

hI You need to talk to a counselor or and adult you trust that isnt family so they can be objective. A counselor would be the best and then you both can talk to your parents about getting evaluated and go from there.
Ups and downs are a part of growing up bu you need to get some outside help Keep in touch and let us know how you are.
Love Venora

[shortcircuited]

You need to see a medical doctor ASAP.  If you do have bipolar disorder and you don't get treatment for it, you could lose a grip on reality.  Get on top of things before it ruins your grades and makes things harder on down the road.

People say that if you think you are crazy, then you are not--that isn't true.  With bipolar disorder, you can know that something isn't right.  You know what's going on--make the doctor listen.

[bernie40]

Hi, you really do need to speak to someone, is there a counsellor at school maybe or your doctor?  Although it isnt unusual to have these feelings during your teens, it doesn't mean that you don't need help, nor should the more extreme feelings of self harm and eating be ignored.  You don't need to try and cope with this on your own.

You don't say what sort of relationship you have with your parents, if you get on well with one or both of them it may be worth telling them how bad you are hurting inside.  My 14 year old came to me recently because of feelings of extreme anger and I took him to the doctors, he now has counselling through the school.  As parents all we want is for our kids to be happy so if your hurting your parents will probably want to help you.

Hope this helps and take care

[14dude]

I have a horrible relationship with my parents. They WILL NEVER take me seriously. As for school counselor, I go to a private catholic school so they'll probably think I'm being posses or something religious. To have my parents take me seriously I'd have to actually perform a suicide attempt in front of their bare eyes, which nowadays I'm feeling more and more drawn to do so. The feeling to kill myself is getting more and more fierce every day. Not because I'm feeling more down than usual it's just because I know my parents would never take me seriously that I feel down and "hurting". Right now, well I haven't ate for three days now. I have this obsession with collecting pills (Pain killers) and also, everything around me feels unreal. I have this theory that all of life is just a figment of my imagination and I create every aspect of it in my mind. This theory I strongly believe every time I feel down, Then, times when I feel happy and energetic, the whole world, my life, my home, my room - Everything Feels So New. As if I've seeing these things for the first time. I seriously think I'm going crazy because this - this isn't normal, not for a teen boy of 14 - Not for anyone for that matter. I'm not cutting myself these days but I think I replace that with not eating. Is that possible?

Thanks for your help. Hope you answer back.

[14dude]

Thank you for taking your time. I really appreciate it. I think people like you guys deserve to be happy.

Thanks again.

[bernie40]

I'm sorry that you don't have a good relationship with your parents, if its any consolation I never communicated with my parents either and they were very shocked and hurt when I attepted suicide at 21 years of age.  Please don't try it, your life really is worth hanging on to even if you don't feel like it is right now.  I can also understand where your coming from with school, I also went to a catholic school so know how narrow minded and bigoted it can be.  It would seem that the best option is to go and see your doctor, if you get nowhere than ask to see another doctor, tell them everything especially the feelings of not wanting to carry on and not eating.  I also understand the feeling of everything not being real, Im not sure why this happens but think it is related to depression, stress, anxiety the whole kaboodle.

It does sound as if you need more than just someone to talk to, I wonder whether medication is something that is going to help, especially in the short term.  Try not to let the prejudices of others stop you from seeking help.  There are narrow minded bigots out there but there also intelligent supportive understanding professional people to.

You also deserve to be happy.  Is there a doctor you can go and talk to?  It may help if you write it all down and take it with you and don't be afraid to show your emotions.

What do you do to relax?  I know when things are really bad I tend to sleep a lot, at other times I use a kind of diversional therapy to help control my mind, I do art, listen to music (although that doesn't always work) or I read.

Being a teenager is not at all easy and having these feelings on top of all that is hard, i hope that coming on this forum is helping a little, at least insofar that you know you are not alone.

Keep in touch.

[Magdalorne]

Hey kiddo,

I hope you don't mind me calling you that.  It's what I still call my 29 year old kid.  

I feel for you, and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this while you're still young.  Kids shouldn't have to grow up so fast.  

I want you to know that you are not alone.  I was considered hyperactive when I was very young, and was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my 20s when I was to the point of suicide. I was rediagnosed in my 40s with bipolar disorder.  Anotherwords, I've had extreme ups and downs and anxiety and panic my whole life.

Fortunately, medication helps, as long as I take it.  In the old days, doctors advocated getting off of it as soon as you felt better.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that I hated my parents in high school and constantly wished they would die.  I didn't want to kill them, I just wanted something to happen to them.  Believe it or not, I truly love my parents now.  Never thought that would happen!  I was always an outsider, never fit in.  People signed my yearbook with 'To a nice but weird girl.'  I threw it out.  I never cut myself, but I can certainly see where it might feel like it helps when you're feeling all twisted up inside.  I used to think I was going crazy, but I couldn't figure out why people thought I was so different.

The things that helped me were seeing a psychiatrist, getting meds, and group therapy.  Support groups have replaced group therapy, but they really help.  Imagine being able to talk to other kids who are dealing with the same things!  Fight for it!

I recommend looking on the internet for how other kids managed to see a psychiatrist when their parents wouldn't take them and shrugged it off.  Fortunately, these days it's not considered such an awful thing for a kid to need to see a psychiatrist.  I wish more kids would.

Keep us informed as to what's going on.  Don't give up; we're right here with you.

Magdalorne
(Kathy)

[shortcircuited]

To answer your last question, yes, you may have replaced the cutting with not eating.  Neither of those are good.  

You are right that what you say is going on with you is not how it is for most teens.  There is something wrong and you need to get to a doctor to find out what it is.  It may be that you have bipolar that needs treated, or maybe it's something that can actually be cured that is causing you all this distress.  Have you ever had a CATscan?

[Venora Moonwind]

There are many state agencies that can help you if you dont feel comfortable with a school counselor. Contact your DHS in your stqate and let them know what is happening with you and that you need help asap.Please keep talking to us and we will help you get through this.
Love Venora

[14dude]

I have had loads of stuff done with me since I always have accidents. Stuff like CAT scans and MRI have ruled out that I am brain damaged. I recently had a CAT scan when I fell of a tree (Purposely, was trying to break my hand but instead fell on my head) and nothing was wrong.


I have one question and I want an honest answer. Do my symptoms link up to bipolar disorder? What would be a most likely diagnostic if I went to the psychiatrist?

[Lizz67]

I hope you're finding the posts of the last couple of days helpful and reassuring.  Everyone has great suggestions for you.  I had a very difficult childhood with my moods as well. I made my first suicide attempt when I was only 11yrs old.  Back then (the 70's) mental illness in children wasn't treated with the same seriousness it is today.  And the the medications weren't as good.  I wasn't even offered medical help until I was 17 after another suicide attempt. Honestly, I can't diagnose you, but it does sound like you're having a lot of symptoms of clinical depression.  Like feeling suicidal. You've obviously touched many of us on this site.  Please use us as much as you need to.  We've all been there and know it can get better.

[14dude]

Just wanted to tell you guys that I went to the doctor. My mom found a folder where I had some suicide plans on it. She freaked out and took me to the doctor where they diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder. I'm taking meds. They still are confused if the treatment is right or if I may be suffering BPD instead of bipolar disorder. Maybe I suffer from both. the doctors are not sure, they are doing a trial and error thing.

Anyways thanks for your help these past days.

[Alex_X_18]

Sounds a lot like bipolar complex....
You should see a physcitrist
they'll perscribe you something to help
(believe me it will)
thats the best advice I can give you
if it gets serious enough you'll proably have to a hospital
(thats how I was diagnosed)

[briannentx]

Hey there wow what a story and sounds a lot like my  friends, he had and has all the symptoms that you do..Being you age is very hard I well remember myself !! I hated my father he never listened to me luckily  my mom did I started taking meds when I was 16 because I am bipolar and take them to this very day...It sounds like you are manic or bipolar with possibly mild schizophrenia which may get worse if you don't get on medication very soon I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose you but the symptoms sound like what i described . Read up about those illnesses and see if that's what you are experiencing .. Find out about help centers in your area like free clinics for mental help.. Check online or in the phone book and start calling around and find out what you need to get in one of them..Tell them that you are suicidal so they can cram you in as early as possible! You sure don't need a trigger to set you off and things to escalate..I hope that this will be helpful to you hun feel free to message me anytime you want if you need someone to talk to, this site has helped me alot with the people that I have met on here and talked to..I'll pray for you also take care things will get better !! Bri :o)