Am I really Bipolar?

[awaiting_peace383]

Hello!  Recently I was diagnosed bipolar 2 by a psychiatrist.  I've been doing alot of reading on this subject, and I think I might have been misdiagnosed.  To be fair, the doc asked alot of questions to assess me properly, but I feel as if I did a poor job explaining my issues to him, or rather how they affect me and how often.  I tried to be specific with him but I'm a very emotional person and did alot of crying whenever I was trying to give him examples.  
  Now, I definitely have alot of mood swings, that can come about suddenly and tend to be over-dramatic, but these moods don't typically last more than a couple days at most.  I also deal with alot of anxiety and very poor self image/ self esteem all the time. The main thing that has me questioning his diagnosis, is the fact that most of my ridiculous mood swings seem to be triggered by things...arguments, bad news, common stresses. Also, I'm always cranky, irritable, and moody.  This is very hard for me to deal with, because I just want to make everyone happy, I don't want to be mean, but the silliest things can really irritate and cause me to be a little "witchy".    I don't feel like it comes in phases.  I've witnessed "cycling" in my twin sister and father and don't think I'm experiencing the same thing.  I don't feel like I've ever had a "normal baseline".  I feel like these issues are just me, and always have been., like I have no normal.  I really don't like all my emotional issues, and know I need some help, because I don't feel right, and never really have. For a long time, I've tried to "fit in" somewhere, but don't feel as if I really "fit" anywhere...like I don't know myself.  Sounds kinda rediculous huh?
  Anyways, I came accross some articles comparing and contrasting bipolar and borderline personality disorder.  I think my issues are closer to personality disorder than bipolar.  I don't know whether I should go back to the same doc for a re-evaluation or talk to the therapist I will soon be seeing, about my concerns?  Why couldn't I just explain this stuff to him in his office?  Sometimes, I really frustrate myself.
  Another thing, I was prescrbed lamictal to help stabilize my moods. I really don't want to start this med if it will not be beneficial to my mental stability.  I'm just not sure what the right course of action would be.  Does any of this make sense to anybody? Any advice or comments/oppinions are greatly appreciated!  Thanks for reading my problem!

[cowgirlnerd]

Reading your post sounds exactly like myself....I'm bipolar.  That's not to say that you might not be, but it took me awhile to get to the part where I accept it.  It's a hard diagnosis to swallow.  Your events are like dejavu for me though.  

The part you might want to consider is taking the meds and seeing how it makes you feel.  You might feel a little more "normal" (if there is such a thing) and see things more clearly.  I take Lamicital and it has done wonders for me.  I've also taken a few other things during my treatment (diagnosed 3 years ago), and some worked - some didn't.  I take Risperdal (low dosage) in addition to my Lamictal and it helps.  Adjusting your meds and talking to your pdoc is an ongoing thing and you just have to get used to it.  Unfortunately, there's not going to be a quick fix and therapy helps, too, but you just have to keep trying.  

Bipolar is a serious medical condition.   There are a ton of things that can trigger episodes and some of those are normal life situations like you described.  The thing is how we deal with them and sometimes how we do that is life threatening.  It's nothing to take lightly, but with a good pdoc and vigilant maintenance of your medications, you can have a better life than when you spiral out of control.  Meds are key - can't stress that enough.  Be VIGILANT though if they aren't working.  I struggled for months one time taking a med that made me feel insane.  Trust your pdoc but be vigilant (can you see how important I feel this is?) about how they affect you, and for God's sake, don't stop taking anything without talking to your pdoc.  

I still have my issues - Lord knows - but just like everyone else, there's good days and bad days.   It just doesn't consume me.  Guilt over how I used to be, well, that's another story.  

I hope you feel better soon.  

[rogelio63]

I know that when I was first diagnosed almost 3 years ago, I didn't believe it.  After three psych professionals told me I did, and after I took myself off my medicine, and nearly killed myself from remorse for things like spending money, sexual promiscuity, being so stinking goofy and impulsive (this is all off meds), that I and my wife started believing it, and do believe it now.  
I know it's a very common occurrence for any condition that will be lifelong, that the first step is denial.  it's even found in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's work on death and dying.
Someone on here once told me something they had picked up from a doc or a conference or somewhere,,
If you're diagnosed as bipolar and you totally accept it immediately, you're probably not.
If you are positive you're not after the doc's have said you are, you probably are.
If you're given medicine and you take them religiously right from the start, believe they're the total answer and never try to stop your meds, you['re probably not bipolar.
If you reluctantly take your meds, and feel so "normal" or good and try to take yourself off them, you probably are.

I've totally paraphrased that.  If someone knows a more accurate rendition, feel free to correct me.  I think I heard it from Psyvamp.

Rogelio

[innerchild09]

Yes I think it makes sense. Yeah getting a lot of information is really good too. I know I get nervous talking too when it comes to that. Plus some doctors get upset if you question it but I think most understand that its hard for people to accept things expecially if it has to do with mental health. So that could be something too you can try writing out what you say to him in a careful way as possible. Yeah I do see your concerns about it too. Still you can always try it with the informations you gathered. Either way hope all goes well.

[awaiting_peace383]

Thank you both! I will try out comparing different boards, what a great idea!  As far a writing stuff down before going in, that's a definite necessary for me I think!  I'm terrible at face to face discussions.  I always get really uncomfortable and feel embarrassed.  I think maybe I should take my journal with me too so as to show him examples of what goes on day to day. Maybe this will help me avoid seeking more favorable results, so that he can perform a thorough and proper evaluation.
I'm a little nervous about questioning his medical oppinion.  I don't want to offend or insult him.  That's why I thought maybe I should talk whoever I will be seeing for therapy/counseling.  I thought that maybe someone who sees me regularly, gets to know me a little more personally and gets to really understand my ups and downs, can make a sound judgement as too my true issues...does that make sense or seem logical?

[lindahand]

When I first was 'diagnosed' bipolar 2 I went on every site I possibly could, skewed the results to say I wasn't bipolar and that was my 'proof' they got it wrong. It was going on boards like this and one called moodgarden that really helped me figure it out. Maybe you could go on some boards for people with personality disorders and some for bipolar and compare the two to your experience.

This being said I think it is a good idea you go back. Armed with some information about personality disorders and ask the psychiatrist what he thinks. Write things out so if you get nervous you can refer to your notes. Make them explain why they think you have bipolar versus a personality disorder.

As well a personality disorder responds better to things like dialetic talk therapy (think I may have spelled that one wrong) versus medication. He may be open to you doing this type of therapy first to see how much it helps.

And if you are still uncertain get a second opinion. Be really careful though that you don't skew your answers to questions to get the result you want. You'll have to be very careful about that.

As for the lamotrigine. Worked wonders for me. If you are bipolar definently a good drug.

[innerchild09]

Im not really sure. I know that when I 1st got dxed with bipolar I had a lot of trouble believing it so I know what you are going through. Am I bipolar? Well maybe. I guess its possible. Was I misdiagnosid? Maybe, I dont know. I know I was told I have anger instead of mania. I think for me why I denied at 1st was because how quick he labled me. So I didnt expect it. He didnt really ask a lot of questions. I just talked about some things about my past and how it effected me and thats basically it. And I researched it and I didnt think I fit the symptoms on the manic side. I only had anger on that part of the list. Nothing else so I spent a lot of time denying it. Wondering. So I know what your going through. It could just be denial but if you really think its wrong then why not go for a second oppinion. See what another doctor says. Maybe make a list of things you feel, symptoms, ect.. Could help explain things if you cant in my oppinion.

[awaiting_peace383]

I left out another big issue I have, the compulsivity.  This is something is "normal" for me.  It doesn't come and go with moods.  I often do/say ridiculous things on impulse, shopping is a big one.  This always makes me feel good initially, but I usually feel terrible later when I reflect on my decisions/actions.