Hi everyone, I've had severe depression for about 8months now and have been on medication and counselling etc, and i thought things were getting better as i seemed to get these happy episodes, but now theyve become severe episodes where i feel such overwhelming excitment and happiness.... all i want to do is jump up and down and scream and sing and talk to anyone who is there, and if no one is there i will talk to myself.
I get all these ideas of things i want to do and if someone suggests something to me, it's a brilliant idea no matter what it is! I twitch all over, especially my leg will twitch and my hands will shake badly because i have to move fast i cant be slow i have to keep moving and if someone talks to me and i have to stand still, i get soo irritated and angry! I find myself doing strange things, sometimes dangerous, I.E i thought it would be a brilliant idea to go for a walk in the pitch black dark through these woods with my head phones in and music on fullblast for an hour?! Another time i was at work, i sat on the floor in the middle of the staff room just laughing aloud to myself?! Things like that......
They vary in how long they will last..... At first when i thought things were getting better i would be happy for days, then all of a sudden i would wake up one morning feeling miserable and so low..... now I've noticed these extreme episodes last about an hour or two and i will get them once or twice a day. In between these episodes i crash and become soo tired and miserable and i don't want to be around anyone (my depression coming back into play again) as this is how i felt before these episodes started happening with my depression.
I have been to my local doctors, one doctor i saw said he thinks they are mania episodes and put me on medication. Then when i saw another doctor, he referred me to a phyciatrist but said he didn't think it was mania and this is normal to have ups and downs and didn't really care at all? I feel like he just wanted to go home (i had the last appointment of the day).I left the surgery feeling very confused and then he rang me and left a voicemail saying i should come off my antidepressants while taking these new tablets?! To just leave me a message like that without even talking to me about it, i don't know what to do!!!! I'm left in limbo with 2 different opinions, just waiting now and i believe this is mania i need someone to take me seriously and give me some advice to tell me I'm not going mad, you are right!!!!!!
What do i do? Please help
its so hard getting a doctor who will actually take the time to sit and listen...I'm so sorry your getting this run around. IMO you do sound definitely bipolar and having manic episodes. Antidepressants can cause a BP person to go into mania, that is perhaps why the doctor left you a message to go off the medication...what a terrible way to inform you!! without any discussion or information. What tablet did he prescribe you to start on?????
Did you get the referral done to see a Psychiatrist? this is where you have to start NOT with a general doc. a Psych Doc knows much more abt these medications and what you need to be taking.
I would be hesitant to stop and start anything until you've been properly diagnosed, especially when given absolutely no info on how to taper off a med before starting a new one.....darn incompetent of this doctor!!!!
I no its so hard to get someone to listen and take me seriously because i am literally scared of myself i don't know what i will do when i get in these episodes i cud do anything and nobody is taking notice of that?!!!
Ohh okay i didn't no this, that might be why..... i have been on citalopram for about 8months now maybe longer. Then when i saw the first doctor who said about it being mania he prescribed me with resperidone but the smallest dose and he said if they dont work come back and try stronger ones, so when i went back and saw the second one he said they didnt work because its not mania and these episodes are normal?! they have now just put me on propanalol which are beatblockers or something?
Yes they have referred me to a phyciatrist they said it will take a week or two to speak to somebody so im just waiting now?!!! I no i thought it was so bad the way he just rang and left me a voicemail message?!
Just been speaking to the NHS direct and they have said to ring my doctos again and speak to somebody different because i am a risk to myself and i need to speak to somebody about it. The NHS direct were really good and understanding i just how this other doctor will be???
If you'd ever like someone to talk to, feel free to message; I'm always here to listen :)
I'm so sorry the doctor didn't sit and listen to you!! :( Some people just don't understand how hard this is.
While waiting to talk to a phychiatrist, find a friend to talk to who won't judge you and who will actually listen and do their best to listen.
Every doctor is different--hopefully this other doctor will be great!
Really sorry to hear your struggles and especially the fact your having problems with the NHS. I can completely relate with everything you have just said.
I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar type II and have been suffering with highs and lows for the past 15 years of my life. Eventually after my latest severe episode I wanted answers as I was fed up of suffering especially Xmas as that's my worst trigger. I went to the NHS and declared how urgent things were especially as I was thinking of harming myself. I explained I may have bipolar to my GP and I just got a counselling card shoved in my face. I was fed up.....and eventually I went privately with a psychotherapist who listened to me and helped me talk about my history. I brought family members into these sessions and we talked loads. The psychotherapist won't tell you that you have bipolar but he sure did help me make sense of my life. I was lucky enough to have private health cover and I had to use them as the NHS told me I would have to wait a month despite being urgent. I had a breakdown at this news and again went through a fantasy of self harm. So I called my private care and was seen by a psychiatrist the next day and a week later was diagnosed. It's just a damn shame that the NHS have such a shuddy way of understanding mental health.
The past month or so the best move I ever made was telling my friends and family about my illness.......this make things comfortable for me when I'm hitting my extreme lows. Please keep your chin up and talk to me about anything that you want to get off your chest. This place is great in helping you understand and overcome your obstacles.
Thankyou both for your comments its such a good feeling to talk to people who truly understand!! I do have some sort of private cover so i might give them a ring and see if this covers me or not....
Ive just spend 3 hours at a and e because i needed to talk to someone i am scared of myself when i have these episodes im sooo scared of wat i will do i have no control and and doctor went and spoke to the psyciatrists and then come back and said they dont feel like they need to talk to u and gave me some telephone crisis numbers to ring!!!!!!! Im sooo angry and i no i shudnt be feelin like this but maybe if i did harm myself they might take me seriously!!!!!.......
I have a couple of friends at work who hve been rly good and supportive and my family and my partner are being really supportive too but some of my other friends just dnt get it, ill have a heart to heart with them one minute whrre they are rly caring then the next minute there like 'come out new years come clubbin' and im like did u not just listen to me??!!!
I also feel like my partners so worried and gettin stressed out he keeps tryin to get me to go and stay with my mum for a while and im rly worried hese gna get fed up of me and my ups and downs all the time!!
Also with work as well i deal with clients all day im so scared that im gna do something bad or silly that will get me in trouble and i tried to talk to my boss and he didnt rly seem bothered or interested either? Im just soo frustrated!!
From your point of view and what you experience as well, do u think this is mania/bipolar?
Thanks again for your comments.
Comparing what you've said to what I've been through I'd say you need to find out what private care you have and use it. I had quite an average AXA plan that covered psychiatry and it was the best move I have ever made. 2 sessions with the psychiatrist, 1 session I brought my mum in as a reference to my moods and I was given lamotrogine, which from what I have read is a great drug. But you have to start at low doses.
As for work I had to take some time off as like you I am client facing and I got scared of what I'd do next. If I was to pick out the most dangerous feature of my condition whether high or low....it's my racing thoughts....I spawn fantastic plans and ideas one moment and the next day I can convince myself I'm a loser and a fraud and incapable of socially bonding resulting in staying in while mates go out. Hence this can also result in jumping to conclusions, your example with your mates going out and not understanding maybe is one of them....if they didn't ask you out on these nights you'd feel down for not being asked. There's sometimes no right answer!?
True friends will always be there when you need them, but I found family came through for me this year...approach them first. There support is invaluable.
Yeh i can relate to everything you said i think i wud have been upset if they hadnt invited me, either that or i wud have been grateful they had forgotten me, depends what mood im in.
Im going to check tonite if i am covered with my insurance cos that would be great if i am!
Definitely agree with you about the highs, when i am in that mood, i think of all sorts of plans and nothing will stop me doin them when they are in my head and im not really with it at the time.... I feel like im dreaming and im lookin in on myself doing it?
With the medication they put me on a low dose of resperidon which didnt work and they have now put me on a high dose of propanalol which hasnt done anything so far ive had one at work all ready .
I just cant shake this scared feeling and i hate it so much and i hate the way people look at me.
Thanks again for your comments i am so grateful
Good news, ive just found out im covered on my private insurance and ive got an appointment with a psychiatrist either thursday or friday next week! This is such a great relief!
Also with my second high episode i had today it was stange this time i had the excited feeling and shaking and energy and had to move and do things etc but instead of feeling happy i felt rly down and angry like when im in my depressive mood? Has anyone had this before?
Especially after I got the news about seeing a psychiatrist so fast and also when I was diagnosed. You feel ecstatic and sad at the same time. I'm really pleased for you Sarah, your feeling are how I felt a little while ago, obviously take things in your stride but this is the first good step of a new change in your life
Yes that's exactly it!! My moods are changing so fast i cant keep up with them anymore.
It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping that the psychiatrist will shed some light on things and maybe when i get a proper diagnosis ill feel a bit better about it?
I dont really no maybe im just kidding myself! I've spent so long with other help problems too ive had over the past 2 years which ive had 2 operations for and they still havent been sorted, i keep saying 'after this will be better' or 'when i see this person it will be sorted' and it never happens. I've become used to my health not being resolved and pain and stuff i can deal with but this... i don't think i can.
It sounds liked Mixed Bipolar from what you described. This is when Mania and Depression happen Simultaneously. Go to a Psychiatrist who is an expert with this. Usually Lithium is Goldchoice Drug for Bipolar and is old drug and a person starts with this. If this does not work, they will try something else like Depakote. All drugs have side effects and it is different for everyone. BIPOLAR IS NOT A MIND OVER MATTER CONDITION. YOU CANNOT WILL IT AWAY OR EXERCISE IT AWAY. IT IS CHEMICAL AND IT TAKES A CHEMICAL TO BALANCE YOUR BODY. Lithium is a mineral salt and is very cheap every month. Wal-Mart usually charges about $5.00 a month. It is leveled by Blood Levels to bring you up to the therapeutic level to make a difference. Usually taken every 3 months once stable in body. Long term effects, so make sure it is monitored through Blood Levels. It makes a huge difference in your behavior and moods. Usually symptoms of mania are: unable to sleep, irritability, very creative, talkative and pressured speech, may interrupt others, suicidal at times. Depressive: extreme sadness, tired all time, lethargic, Difficulty Focusing in both mania and depressive, suicidal. May self-medicate through alcohol or drugs to try to sleep and lessen anxiety.
Medication is best way to handle the anxiety and mood swings. Must be an Anti-convulsive or Mood Stabilizer such as Lithium, Depakote, etc. Anti-Depressants are NOT GOOD and may cause a Mania Episode and may make you suicidal. Lithium levels Moods to bring mania down and depression Up to be in middle and brings Intensity down.
This is chemical so it is not mind over matter. Just like a diabetic needs insulin or drug to level their blood sugars-----a Bipolar needs a chemical to balance their neuro-transmitters in their brains that affect behavior.
Thankyou licoricecat for your comment. Just to give an update i have been to see a psychaitrist today and he said i have been traumatised by past events and i had severe depression which has now led to mixed mood disorder. Is this different from bipolar?
He has prescribed me some mood-stabalisers (im not sure which yet) and has said that if the mood stabalisers dont work by when i next see him which is 1st of feb, then i will need to be hospitalized to have treatment there.
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