todays been exceptionally hard. was ment to goto uni this morning but feeling extreamly down n teary after having an anger outburst this morning.. i wasnt feeling right n my partner said the smallest thing n i hit him in the face n tryed to scratch his eyes out leaving him with a ripd up face and black eye. i totally dont remember it actually happening i just felt like i got angry and passd out.. n when i came to my chest was cramping up n i was having a panic attack. ive had bipolar 1 for roughly 6/7 years but this has never happened. are anger out bursts normal? who knows.. ??
I have bipolar II, but until I was diagnosed I was having frequent anger outbursts, screaming, throwing things, and generally out of control. Then when I came out of it I would find it hard to believe that I had been like that. Once i threw a pair of Oakley sunglasses at the kitchen floor so hard they snapped in half! I would scream sometimes so loudly that my throat would be so sore.
When I started on my meds within a month or two there was a change. I still get angry, but not nearly as bad or as quick as I would before. It is a scary anger, and I found before I started getting better I would fly off the handle at nothing!
Is there anything that's changed in your meds or anything like that, are you stressed at the moment, is there anything different in your life?
You say you haven't been like this before, have you had angry verbal outbursts at all? How do you feel on a day to day basis otherwise?
I have had some anger outbursts in the past. When I was about 18-19 or so, I had some sort of weird outburst at my step-mother's house where I was yelling and screaming about not wanting to soak in the hot tub? Then I finally just got so mad I drove off. I don't remember it. I've had outbursts where once I threw over all of the dinning room chairs. Another time, I threw the baby gate against the wall. (No one was in the way, just the wall.) Also, when I go into complete melt down mode I start to hit myself and beat myself up and I can't stop and afterward, I feel like everything at that time was fuzzy and it is almost like looking back on a dream or something.
So, outbursts do happen. It is a good sign to talk to your doctor. You say you were about to go off to school. Maybe you've been under some stress? Stress can be a trigger. I agree you may need a med tweak. I also agree it is the scary anger that is not good for anyone. Although bipolar may cause the anger outburst, it can cause serious trouble. So, I hope you and your boyfriend are both okay.
thanks guys! yeah i ended up not going to school didnt feel upto it... ive suffered a few anger outbursts n things like it before but nothing like this.. like i remembered nothing of it.. all i knew was a was feeling really odd beforehand n when i sorta snapd back into it i was balling my eyes out.. i cant belive i hurt the only person who trys to help me.. im so so ashamed of myself.. i just went to the drs n his taken me off zyprexa and valpro and put me on a strong course of lovan for 2 months then will re ***** my meds..
thanks again guys..
Lovan is an SSRI and that class of drugs can be dangerous to Bipolar's causing mixed states and suicidality - rule of thumb is you should never be on only an Anti Depressant, there should be a mood stabiliser present as primary with the AD as adjunct.
Also abrupt withdrawl from Zyprexa can make you very sick,I hope he is weaning you dose down over at least a week.
well to be honest i dont know what my drs on about half the time n im starting to think he doesnt know ether because he changes my meds so frequently that i feel like im going crazy... n no he just stoppd the zyprexa.. n started the AD :S i dunno what to do ive seen this dr for 7 years now but only seem to be getting worse.. when i brought up getting a 2nd opinion he seemd really ****** to which made me feel bad n i dunno if its the right thing to do..
Sigh. Atypicals should never be stopped abruptly - they can send you into a mixed state or wildly manic or worse. Zyprexa has a very bad name for doing just that.
And stopping an anti psychotic to stick you on an AD....
The symptoms you are describing are typical of Bipolar not being treated with an effective mood stabiliser and they also can be a BP in depression - Bipolar depression is different to normal.
You need a mood stabiliser to do what it says on the pack - the most effective in both states remains Lithium but there are other choice including Zyprexa.
Is this is psychiatrist? If you are not seeing one you need to, the average family doc knows nothing about mental illness or drug therapies for it. Get a second opinion immediately - I would say don't stop the zyprexa but thats up to you but you need a doctor who cares for you.
This is the big lesson we forget because doctors are raised to pedestals in some countries and particularly the USA it seems - the doctor works for US not the other way around - if your doctor is not doing the job replace them. Ive done it with psychiatrists and GP's and worked out a lot better for it.
Hi. I am Bipolar and I get sudden outburst, sometimes they come on so quickly I don't even have time to think...very sudden. Unfortunately, this is a symptom of either Bipolar or depression.
As the previous poster mentioned, there are many good stabilizers on the market. I have been on a few; litihum, Volpuric Acid, carbamazepine, and Risperdal and I think it is mostly a trial and error type of process until you find the correct cocktail of Antidepressants and Mood Stabilizers. My p-doc was switching out my meds like a kid in a candy store every few weeks until we found what worked best for me.
I do agree, it is best to see a p-doc rather than a family doctor. P-doc is more familiar with the medications and can approach your Bipolar more agressively. Best of luck to you.
yeah ive only seen a Pdoc 2 in the 6 or so years ive had bipolar because my dr says its not needed however after having a good think about it i went down to our local clinic n saw him again just before and asked for a referal to a pdoc who ill be seeing soon.. im sick of going from really really bad depression to being so manic that i cant think straight n go out n do crazy things like tattoos n whatnot. my dr also told me i should be able to manage my meds by now so i walkd out without paying lol... why pay if im apparently just doing it on my own!?
I know I'm getting in on the conversation a little late, but I think the anger outbursts are a big part of being BP for some people, myself included. Before I was diagnosed, my GP put me on Celexa. At some point during that time, I punched a self-checkout screen at a local mega-chain discount store. Totally shattered it. Thank God they didn't make me pay for it (??) but they did ban me from the store. After I was diagnosed and put on a mood stabilizer, I've only had one outburst and even then it was somewhat controlled. I threw a water bottle at my wife intending to miss. I know if I'd have wanted to hit her she'd have gotten hit. Nothing sense then, thank God.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time; I have a bad temper and it's taken me a long time to control it. Well, 'control' isn't the best work; I focus is more than anything. Anger, for me, it an accumulation of emotions that just bursts. When it hits that point, I do something physical to let it out; even just going somewhere private and screaming at the top of my lungs until I go horse.. Honestly, I will force myself into anger when I am feeling depressed or anxious. I'll let myself get furious with the situation, take that energy and go wail on a punching bag for an hour.
Again, to echo what people have stated:
1. You need a shrink, assuming you don't have one.. General practitioners don't have a clue and that's something that can't be stated enough.
2. ADs are rough on BP folks; 5 mgs of Celexa drove me insane. Most shrinks around here won't even place you on a mix of mood stabilizers and ADs unless it's a last resort. They'll go with a mix of antipsychotics and other mood stabilizers first.
3. If you have a doc (even a shrink) that discontinued you on Zyprexa cold turkey, you need to stay away from them. That's dangerous. There have been times where I have been forced to discontinue a medication cold turkey, but only after a few days use. I was having bad, adverse reactions from them; I was ready to go to the hospital.. Even then cutting them off so quickly caused me problems. I used Seroquel XR for four days, it caused me to cycle more rapidly, I was taken off of it and had terrible insomnia for awhile.
4. BP is a very different animal from other MI; everything is geared towards minimizing mood swings, not treating depression or anxiety. I do take Klonopin, an anti-anxiety drug, but that's because the mood swings cause me a tremendous amount of anxiety and anxiety has always been an issue with me.
5. And, to be really honest, if you're having uncontrollable outbursts of anger where you're basically blacking out, you may need to consider the hospital. Especially given what you have written about your current path of treatment. I had one of those outbursts a few years back, got into a scuffle with someone, and had to deal with legal ramifications from it. Luckily, I only had minor charges pressed against me (as well as the other chap), but it could've been worse if someone hadn't pulled me off of him.
Remember, a psychiatric center may sound like a terrible thing, but you can get turned around in a hurry when you've got several shrinks dealing with your case. And, if you have an angry outburst, it will be dealt with quickly and they'll find the root cause.
hi! thanks for ur comments.. im at the point where i just dont know what to do anymore.. i feel as if its completely taken over my life.. and the last thing id ever want to do is hurt the person i love.. but i feel as tho the best thing to do is shut myself off from everyone so i dont snap n hurt anyone...
ive also read alot about how meds shouldnt just be stopd and started n BP sufferers shouldnt just be put on ADs alone... the whole thing is sooo confusing n like ga im missing out on uni n everything coz i just start crying n it embaressing as hell!
Dealing with mental illness, especially BP is difficult, but there is help out there.
I struggled to keep it together for five months last year; I was a wreck day in and day out... I just couldn't get anything figured out, but alot of that was due to the fact that I was so irrational all of the time. I was so anxious and agitated that I struggled to get the help I needed..But, when I finally hit my breaking point, I gave in and got the help that I needed. I learned from my mistakes and have tried to pass them on to other BP folks out there..
One thing that I cannot stress enough is finding a good psychiatrist; one that you trust, that listens to you and allows you say in your treatment. That can be a tough thing to do, I actually filed a grievance against a shrink with the AMA because he was so rude.
The reason that I suggested the psychiatric center is because they will do everything they can to get you stable and you'll be in a safe, therapeutic place while they do so. in a psychiatric unit, they take you very seriously and they treat you as such. It's tough when you're really a wreck and doing out-patient sessions with a shrink. They assume that because you're stable enough to make it month to month, that you're really not in that bad a shape. As such, even when you tell them how beat up you are, some of them feel that you're over-exaggerating.
Hi, I hope you are having a good day today. Bpchrisb is right about a phycratric center, even in a few short days they can help tremedously. I would definitely consider this as an option but if you have not been under the care of a p-doc for awhile, you may get back on your feet quickly when you start seeing one. I hope you do not have a long wait for an appt. P-docs seem to approach Bipolar in a more aggressive way, at least mine has and has helped me tremendously. Let us know how you are doing, please.
I have gone through a similar "tumble" on extra high dry. Currently am right now. I have huge pent up anger that seems to rear its head at unexplained and unnecessary times. I have also been diagnosed with ADHD, and was told irritability can be a symptom of it, so how much each disorder affects my angry outbursts, I'm not sure. However, my Psychiatrist recently prescribed me Abilify to help with my agitation. Unfortunately, it threw me into a maniac state. I'm still there, sometimes, now it's more of a up and down battle everyday, along with the side effects of weaning myself off it. I plan on calling my Psychiatrist's co-worker back tomorrow (since my Psychiatrist is on vacation right now), to get another option on if I should be weaning myself off this medication... it seemed to be helping, and I can't deal with these side effects (hand tremors, brain fog, disorganized and repetitive thought and speech, slurred speech, etc.).
Please continue on trying to find help. It is out there. Although I cannot attest to that fact personally, I have renewed hope that it is there. Please keep us updated. I am hear to listen (even though I talked about myself most of this post... x|)
Also, something that I have had to consider; if my shrink and a short term stay in the local psych center doesn't help, I may be looking into therapeutic, long term care facilities like the Mayo Clinic here in the states. Luckily, I have decent insurance, so it should cover a lot of the costs, but it may be necessary. I was laid up for two and a half weeks and am now just getting back into work. Instead of laying around the house, trying to occupy myself for two weeks, I might as well have been in a better environment, getting more help.
Given my past history, I wouldn't have a problem getting into a specialized clinic. The lights are starting to dim again; it's overcast. But, at least I am still in a rational state of mind; I have the ability to deal with these issues.
But, back to the original post; I am sorry that life has been tough. It's terrible to be in a bad state and struggling to control emotions.. It makes you feel helpless; but, there is help out there. Just don't be afraid to use it.
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