At What stage would you call it Paranoia?

[dippy1]

I could think of many examples, but bottom line is, in almost every field of my life, I feel like a burden. Seems everybody is fed up with me, their compassion has worn thin. It seems instead of help and support I now get ultimatums (ultimata ?) and warnings/admonishments. People arrange outings/get-togethers and deliberately exclude me from my old circle, they ignore me at school functions/ out and about. Even when I'm around, I'm the subject of discussions behind close doors..they discuss my dismissal at work, monitor my performance in case/waiting for the time that I get it wrong. Converstaions hit an awkward silence when I enter the scenario.

Fact one: this is not psychotic paranoia.

Fact two : all of the above could be in my head; CBT here...I am projecting my own negative thoughts into my world. Even posting on here makes me feel guilty and undeserving (like I don't belong and shouldn't really be here)

Fact three : all of the above could well be perfectly true to a greater or lesser extent.

Anyone relate / help ?

[LeftCoastChick]

In hindsight at work, I believed I was being monitored all the time, albeit they are close to being "nazis" there, many folks complained, but I was overly concerned about what others may think and I was second guessing everything I did  I used to get coaching sessions every week, along with most staff, and it's made the environment ever more stressful then the job already is, so it made my negative thinking worse, then my job performance went down. Just before my hospitalization I was put on "probation" because I wasn't able to keep a compassionate tone with more agressive and sometimes rude clients. With my head swirling with negative thoughts and assumptions of what people thought of me, I was barely functioning at all let alone able to do a good job. I'm not sure if I was being overly sensitive or paranoid or both.

I'm going to go back to work in March, and I don't want to feel the same way. I'll still be on probation for another 3 weeks, then they could get rid of me if my work isn't to their standards.  

I wouldn't mind some input either. thanks so much LCC

[therese83]

You got some good advice

Could i add

You belong here, you can come here whenever you like + write about whatever you like!!
You are very welcome!  

What you put up here has helped others For sure.

best wishes

[bernie40]

Dippy you just described me to a "T".

Monkeyc, thanks for the response, it may sound daft but I didn't know that paranoia was common in bipolar.  When I'm creeping to high or to low the paranoid thoughts take over.  This is why I avoid social situations so much because I tie my mind up in knots trying to work out if its me or everyone else!

Dippy, regarding work, again I can relate to that.  In my last job (a return to work after 18 months out of work) I constantly felt on my guard and waiting for someone to "catch me out", if that makes any sense.  I hadn't told them I was BP so in some respects this was self guilt because I felt I was hiding something.

I also found it interesting the point that monkeyc said about this being a sort of warning that things are out of kilter - it seems obvious now that he's put it in writing but again I hadn't thought of it like that before.

As usual monkeyc has given invaluable advice - Thanks!

[monkeyc]

I think its subjective - for me paranoia is a major element of my presentation and its something I struggle with, and now I have worked out that its a sign to me that things are not right.

For me it starts as thinking people are plotting against me, at work or home, a feeling that there is an ulterior motive behind the smallest things and people are going behind my back, it gets to the stage where I am looking for the subtext in everything, the smallest thing can set me off onto this massive worrying fit and im trying to work out the plot.

I can say now, looking back on the years I was not medicated, that this cost me at least one very good job and countless relationships because it also came with an unpleasant side of me - I become incredibly negative and feel betrayed and mistreated and become impossible to deal with - which is a complete change to my normal behaviour.

I get completely what you are saying about dismissal at work, performance monitoring and all of that - thats me when paranoid.

People do stop talking when you come around, because your mood is apparent and they do not want to hear the negativity and paranoia - it scares people to be frank; i know because I have discussed this with my boss who was my last boss as well (moved and headhunted me) and he knows all about my bipolar and is very open to discussing this stuff.

The reality is this can be treated, normally its a sign of medication not working, I grow paranoid when I become hypomanic and worse when manic but it can be long term as well - I found mood stabilisers worked for me to moderate this.

No its not psychotic paranoia its good old fashioned bipolar - its a common thing.

Have you discussed this with your doctor  your therapist?  There are things you can do to control it and you do not have to suffer this.

You are not worthless, you must believe that.

If you worry about work do what I do - speak to your boss, tell him you have not been well - you dont need to say bipolar - and ask if there are any problems with your performance but you have to be able to accept the answers without looking for subtext and that means treatment first.

One thing is for sure - youre not alone.