How do i stay alive? i can't write what I feel-i have no idea how to ever word anything! I have several things wrong with my head, including the encephalitis long term affects which make it impossible to communicate with others let alone write.
It is all a sign, that my time is come. There is no more hope. I felt it when the last bit of hope and efforts and support and help went away.
I lost my family, they told me not to contact them. My doctor refused to see me since HE decided to change appointment time, Mt attorney knows I was right on the time, he was wrong but I have him yellin at me on recording. No I have no doctor and no medication.
I stuggle having a support group, and since my phone has been stolen I have no numbers, I finally got the job I wanted only to be laid off after one check. I don't even know why. Now I can barely look for other jobs since I totalled the cr
EVerYTHING IS CRASHING, there is no where to run but I know how to escape forever. I never have any privacy to do anything like write this post online. I am in a state of panic.shock, impulsive. I pick that bottle of pills up and am convinced it is finally time. I don't have enough people to keep me alive and the ones I do have I am just a burden, Why not make their lives easier, parents won't have to deal with me and my crap and can move on with their biological fam. All I see is everything good that would come of taking my life. I don't want to do it myself. No one hears me. No one hears me, no one hears me, no one hears me. no one hears me no one hears me. Too much is ****** up. end this misunderstood pointless life. I can't wait.
Depression is a liar. It says things will never get better, it discounts the positive, it takes all of life's tragedies and puts them under a magnifying glass, and shrinks all of the positives. Things will get better, you can get a new doctor, you can get a new phone, you may be able to get another job, these things take time. Your life is worth living because you are uniquely you. Trust me when I say that the legacy a suicide leaves is horrible for those who remain. You aren't doing anyone any favours by offing yourself.
Please call a hotline, or go to the ER. Reach out, Please. You wouldn't be writing this if you didn't want to be talked out of it. Deep down you know that there is a reason, a glimmer of hope, to continue.
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