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Bi-polar II and Panic attacks
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Bi-polar II and Panic attacks

Hi everyone.  I just wanted to take a moment and share what I am currently going through as I feel I need a little support.

I am a 35 year old male and I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 disorder earlier this week.  This came about after a really bad bout with depression that I am still currently trying to dig my way out of.  I have always been a go-go-go kind of person with high energy and very short patience.  I find myself irritated all the time with little things.  Then I would slip into a depression mode that would last for a few weeks.  The depression modes were never that bad for me.  I would just feel kind of worthless and start feeling paranoid about people at work being out to get me.  Funny thing is, I would recognize my paranoia as being just that.  But it wouldnt make the feeling go away.  

My current depression is the worst ever.  It started when I found out about Michael Crichton dying of throat cancer (old news, I know).  I started to get some throat soreness soon after that lasted for about 2 weeks.  I made the mistake of googling "persistent sore throat" and of course self diagnosed myself with throat cancer (I smoked for about ten years when I was younger and also chewed tobacco for some years).  I went to see my GP who assured me I was having some serious post nasal drip but was otherwise healty.  That made me feel better for about a week.  But I kept digging around on the internet and started reading very sad stories of young people who died of various cancers.  I started having panic attacks about this (a first for me) and ended up with what I am now told is Globus Hystericus and I feel like have a huge lump in my throat and throat is closing up.  I have since been back to my GP twice who had to give me xanax to keep me from having panic attacks.  They also make the bad throat sensations go away.  She is also having me go to an ENT Monday to get scoped hoping that this will ease my mind about the throat cancer.  But know I am freaked out about the ENT finding a giant tumor, or that he/she wont find anything wrong but it doesnt help me feel any better.  During the whole episode I have constant morbid thoughts that I am going to die soon and how sad that will be for my wife and family (no kids).  I think about what songs would be good to play at my funeral and I should pick one soon.  Stuff like that.  

Sorry for such a long post.  I just really feel like crap and I look forward to feeling better again.  My poor wife has about had it with this.  Any shared experiences or advice would be great.

Thanks!!
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Also forgot to mention.  One day last week (I was starting to feel better) a vendor I had never met came into visit me at work.  He had a very hoarse voice and when I asked him about it he explained he was diagnosed with throat cancer last year and just completed treatment a few months ago.  That threw me over the edge as well.    

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Perhaps in some way the anxiety attacks and depression feed off each other and worsen them? You could ask your psychiatrist about that and what medication would appropriately treat that as some anti-depressents are helpful on anxiety as well. Its essential to speak to your doctor about any physical health concern but once you have an understanding of it factually to try not to read anything that would set off anxiety attacks or obsessions. Anxiety attacks and mood disorders can work together in a negative manner as I have a family with these diagnoses as well as ocd and this happens to them. Fear of death or illness is common in anxiety attacks and depression as well. Besides medication and talk therapy cognitive behavioral therapy can be helpful as well.
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