Hi everyone. I just wanted to take a moment and share what I am currently going through as I feel I need a little support.
I am a 35 year old male and I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 disorder earlier this week. This came about after a really bad bout with depression that I am still currently trying to dig my way out of. I have always been a go-go-go kind of person with high energy and very short patience. I find myself irritated all the time with little things. Then I would slip into a depression mode that would last for a few weeks. The depression modes were never that bad for me. I would just feel kind of worthless and start feeling paranoid about people at work being out to get me. Funny thing is, I would recognize my paranoia as being just that. But it wouldnt make the feeling go away.
My current depression is the worst ever. It started when I found out about Michael Crichton dying of throat cancer (old news, I know). I started to get some throat soreness soon after that lasted for about 2 weeks. I made the mistake of googling "persistent sore throat" and of course self diagnosed myself with throat cancer (I smoked for about ten years when I was younger and also chewed tobacco for some years). I went to see my GP who assured me I was having some serious post nasal drip but was otherwise healty. That made me feel better for about a week. But I kept digging around on the internet and started reading very sad stories of young people who died of various cancers. I started having panic attacks about this (a first for me) and ended up with what I am now told is Globus Hystericus and I feel like have a huge lump in my throat and throat is closing up. I have since been back to my GP twice who had to give me xanax to keep me from having panic attacks. They also make the bad throat sensations go away. She is also having me go to an ENT Monday to get scoped hoping that this will ease my mind about the throat cancer. But know I am freaked out about the ENT finding a giant tumor, or that he/she wont find anything wrong but it doesnt help me feel any better. During the whole episode I have constant morbid thoughts that I am going to die soon and how sad that will be for my wife and family (no kids). I think about what songs would be good to play at my funeral and I should pick one soon. Stuff like that.
Sorry for such a long post. I just really feel like crap and I look forward to feeling better again. My poor wife has about had it with this. Any shared experiences or advice would be great.
Thanks!!