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Bipolar/Bipolar depression, Help!

I have had a bad time the past several months. I always have low level depression but My depression is out of control mixed with anger. I hate my life. My dr has told me I have treatment resistant Bipolar. I have literally tried a ton of diff meds and med combos. I was hospitized a month an a half ago for feeling suicidal. As of now I think of ending my life a lot. I don't work and haven't the energy to be a homemaker. My life consists of watching tv and sleeping. I just can't seem to get my act together. No motivation, no energy. I don't want to live this way. This is not life.

Any suggestions?
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Avatar universal
No, I was too afraid. I have met a number of people who have.  Loss of memory did not come back like they tell you, at least for theses people anyway. Also, once you have your x amount of treatments, you do have to go back for maintenance treatments every so often and that varies with the dr and how your doing. Maybe someone on here has had ECT. I would write that on a new post

It's good that your searching all of the avenues, I did too.

Have you ever had Genome testing done?  If not, I can explain but look at the Internet first. I had it done and it was a great tool for my pdoc to use, it explained so many things.
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1257808 tn?1322762215
Did you try ECT?
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Avatar universal
Thank you.

I have med resistant bipolar so life is mostly difficult but I'm here and try to make the best of it when I can.
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1257808 tn?1322762215
Now, u r better that the most important. Focus on it. Continue your life.
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1257808 tn?1322762215
Do you have an appointment with them and u want reschedule?
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Avatar universal
I am doing better. I am on a lower dose of lithium. Unfortunately the pscychiatrist and pscycopharmocologist have never returned my calls to make an appt with them. That upsets me.
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Avatar universal
Yes, I know. I am on the forum again. I saw this posting from you and sad to hear what you went through, but relieved to know it was lithium toxicity that was easily fixed with flushing and volume. Thank heavens you have good kidneys!  It also sounds like good things came out of it like the psychpharmacologist and the other psychiatrist. I messaged you.

Yes, getting the "resistant bipolar disorder" diagnosis is rough and heartbreaking, when you hear it. Been through that, but it wasn't the end for me, as you know, and I did get the hint during all those years of struggling for stability. Also, been through the lithium toxicity a few times. It is still my diagnosis but I am doing well for a while now.
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1257808 tn?1322762215
How are you doing now? Are you better?
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1551327 tn?1514045867
That is great to hear Crystal.  I had total faith that you would be back to your old self soon.  Keep coming back and checking in so if this occurs again it won't be such a shock.  missed you friend,
Larry
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Avatar universal
I think it's pharmacologist.
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Avatar universal
It was amazing. I had several bags of saline solution to flush out the high amount of lithium. Honestly I don't know what number of bags I had but at some point the anger and sucidal thoughts (and they were strong), completely vanished due to the gradually leaving my body.

I am home from the hospital as of today and feel really good.

My stipulations for being able to leave the hospital and not go to the pscy ward was to make an appt with a pharmacologist (misspellled) who is also a pdoc. For now he will regulate my lithium and levels. I am also going to give the pdoc from the hospital a try. She has a part-time practice, I think, since she works at the regular hospital too. I have been needing to change for a long time now. So we'll see how it goes.

I hope some will learn from my experience.
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1551327 tn?1514045867
Thank you for the condolence.  Also thanks for the update.  I was at a loss for words when I first read your post.  Don't get me wrong....
All of us (including me) have days when we get down and even during a string of really good days I can have suicidal thoughts that worry me.  The thign is that I may not ask for help with these thoughts and situations because I can usually pinpoint what is the cause and fight through it.
If I was in your situation with symptoms popping up that I couldn't explain i would have come here in a panic and did the same thing you did.
I hope that you stabilize soon and I hope you keep me updated on how you change and what occurs during this transition so I may learn from it.
Glad you found out the cause.... this could have gotten way worse.
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Avatar universal
I decided to go to the hospital yesterday afternoon.  I was not getting better.

As it turns out my Lithium level was at toxic levels. It was very high! (which can cause the symptoms  I was having,

The doctor said it was likely that, that was the cause of my symptoms as of recent.

I Was admitted to the hospital to get the level down.

It is now down. Because of the reason I went to the hospital in the first place,   I have been told that they are sending my to the pscy unit next, regardless of the toxicity issue.  I'm waiting for the pscy evaluation to finalize the next step.

Just thought I would update you guys.

PS my husband brought my iPad to the hospital tonight. He will take it home later tonight. I will check back when I get out?
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Avatar universal
My thoughts are with you.
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Avatar universal
I"m sorry to hear about your dad.
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Avatar universal
Thank you!!
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1551327 tn?1514045867
Sorry it took so long to respond Crystal.  My father passed a few days ago and I have been dealing with that.  You are right in saying how you feel and I have felt like that before.
One thing we have to realize is that on this forum we have a lot of answers and little questions and so when we post one the responses we may get are likely not going to be what we are looking for.
Most of the time people come here looking for help and just like with medications.... once we feel better we stop until we need to be back on them.
If you are doing bad you can always message me.  I think that would be better.  For one-I am one of the only ones that can help, and for two-even when I don't check the site I still check my email on my phone.  If you send me a message it shows on my email and you will get a much deserved, quick response.
Love you hun,
Larry
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1257808 tn?1322762215
Hello Crystal,
I hope u r better now.
I know It's difficult now but the better day will come soon or later. Just waite for it or go to the better days and actions. Don't stop. It's just ups and downs, Now, It's down let it go.

Speaking is good. So, don't worry and say anything in your mind.
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Avatar universal
I stayed only two days because I felt all closed in, no help, no classes. Just felt very alone. I said to myself just say anything to get out. It's not like they could change my meds since there the only ones I can take.

My sucidal feelings have heighten this week. I am taking an emergency pill as of last night. I'm just in bad shape.

Thanks for responding!

I was angry no one responded considering all of the help and hours I have put into this site. I don't ask for help often. Then I said to myself, I guess everyone is too sick to respond yet people want to be responded to. It's a two way street here in my opinion.I enjoy helping people but when I', in need it would be helpful to get help myself.  I'm angry and sucidal. I just needed to say how I felt. Sorry if it hurts anyone's feelings.
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1551327 tn?1514045867
How did you feel when you were released from the hospital?  How long did you stay?
Sorry to hear you are going through this Crystal but we can talk.
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