I was leaving my marriage of 19 yrs last fall. I soon took a refresher course and fell in love with a very popular college professor who's published and 13 yrs my junior (it was never intended and with his old soul I didn't even realize his age...nor did I care). We began a friendship. I believe now that he was manic from last August until Apirl, but I didn't recognize that at the time (Flashy clothing, fast talk, fast walk, flying with energy, very creative, extremely humorous, off topic often, confident, vocabulary games, etc). In April he was sued for an unpaid credit card debt and his mood changed. He dressed more normally, although often he looked tossed together, his hair was often uncombed, his talk and walk were slower, he smiled much less, he became aggitated with students, etc. In May classes ended and I kept in touch w/ him via e-mail. What soon became apparent is that he would speak to me thru his daily musical blog...posting songs that dealt with him, me, and his mood each day. I figured he was scared of going near me until my divorce was final. He did post many songs about waiting until after the summer (that's when it will be final), about him being shy (which I found odd because we were together before, during, and after classes for 8 months w/o worry), and also songs about missing me, loving me, and wanting to be together w/ me. Due to his abuse as a child and his loner-ways I figured he was just "quirky." By the end of May he seemed to be much more down in mood. About a week ago I remembered him saying in passive months back that he is "manic" when I mentioned he hardly sleeps. I began researching bipolar and e-mailed that I was researching it. I then sent him infomation on treatment and told him I would go w/ him to the doctor (if he wished) and I would even pay for whatever he couldn't afford. I told him how wonderful and bright he is and that bipolar is a disorder that cannot be blamed on the person. He did nothing wrong and it does not make him less of a person. And I said I loved him unconditionally. Apparently my e-mail sent this man spiraling downward. I have received 2 very paranoid e-mails from him accusing me of stalking him, gathering info on him, threatening him and his friends, and conducting surveillence on him. He has said that should I respond to his email or ever see him again he will have me arrested. And due to me communicating with him via e-mail for over a month and him only communicating weirdly thru "song lyrics" it would probably appear to the police that I am indeed the crazy one. With my divorce pending I can't take a chance of being falsely arrested (I'm also looking for fulltime employment and he's my #1 refrerence, unfortunately). Since those warnings from him he has been posting songs directed at me about missing me, loving me, not wanting me to leave, etc. After a few days of that the songs turned to woe-is-him type songs but then turned ugly...about suicide and homocide. Last night they were ALL ugly....mostly about knives and guns and killing a woman and the last two about not wanting to kill a woman but that her time was "almost up." I'm not sure if he's just trying to scare me or if he's thinking about harming me. I believe it is he who has been driving slowly by my residence around 4:30 the last three nights (probably other nights as well but I slept those nights). The man has nobody in this world and before I knew he was ill with bipolar (I do suspect bipolar for the symptoms match perfectly and he said he was "manic") I promised him that I would not be like everyone else; I would not abandon him. He feels betrayed (I can tell from his song postings). He is angry with me. I feel I am in danger. I don't know what to do, although I have a call into my friend's husband who is an area psychiatrist and who has agreed to meet with me soon. I just hope I am going to survive until then and I hope he does not kill himself. I realize it's been his disorder "talking" and not him so I am not angry with him. But I am becoming more frightened by the day. Is he just trying to scare me or will he indeed harm me? If I go to the police and speak about this popular professional man speaking to me thru song postings they'll think I am nuts! And my husband could use this against me in our divorce, so I refuse to do that. Please help me. I am at a loss of what to do. I still love the man very much, but I realize I never really knew him for he was always unmedicated. I also believe I am unqualified to help him, but if I make contact with him do I stand a better chance of staying safe? Most domestic violence victims die when they are leaving the relationship, not in it. Please...any information you can provide would be better than no information. I'm truly frightened along w/ being exhausted from not sleeping.
OMG girl no wonder ur not sleeping and afraid!
this is a very UNSTABLE man to heck with your reference and divorce proceedings what u must think of right now is your immediate safety. I am no expert here but I don't like the sounds of this...if u talked to police would they not than look into his passed behaviors? and mental condition? I don't think doctor/patient confidentiality applies when its the police making inquiries? Like I said I don't know, hopefully someone here can give u more help.
I do hope u do what u can to protect yourself from this man, he is in a very dangerous state when even passively 'thinking' some of these thoughts..
pls take care
Your story is simple. Although there is a cultural difference between us, i shall try to analyse or rather summarize the situation
You have an emotional emptiness as you are on the verge of a divorce. This man is extremely attractive, humorous, confident,... this is called, YES BP pts when manic are very "nice" creative and so forth. Unfortunately this euphoria turns into dysphoria later most often and this is the current episode based upon our terminology we call it mixed episode as the person becomes both depressed and angry. When the pts exhibit this state, they are ugly, harmful, dangerous. I can beat my parents yet in general i am kind to them, i apologize later. You will be lucky if he harms himself, the important thing he doesn't harm you.
As to the man has nobody in this world it's none of your business, your safety is 1st priority. As that you still love the man very much, it's "friendship" which you miss of course not that he is well published as you said. But as i said your first option now is to be safe.
If you go to the police, they won't believe you, what alaby you have and for what, you both are fond of each other and you admit it. Don't forget he has a social status, professor, how come he intimidates you and on what ground. As to fearing your husband using it against you, why will he be concerned unless you want to keep the children in your custody, otherwise i don't suppose he expects you to play the angel role when separated.
I can see your ONLY solution now is to quit this relationship. You are not prepared at this time to handle a BP in the midst of a divorce. But how can you do this. First never approach him while he is in this mixed state, for some reason he is angry, perhaps from you. Tell him that you are not feeling well these days and you prefer to stay alone or in bed etc... until this mixed state ends and he becomes stabilized, then you talk to him and find a million excuse to end the relationship but NOT now because he will feel it directly. In short you have to quit this relationship. Unless of course during your solitude you felt deeply in love with him, in which case go and enjoy the fire.
I shouldn't try to relate to your stituation as I'm not dealing with a divorace on top of everything. I am in a bipolar relationship which makes unconditional love difficult. I commend you. All I can say stand your ground and don't take unfair treatment at any cost. If my man gets violent I am definately leaving and unless you're stronger, I hope you do the same!
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