Bipolar II Rapid Cycling Help ME!

[mrsches]

I have obviously been bipolar since my early teens, but just diagnosed at 30.  I have rapid cycled uncontrollably my whole life really, don't have a stable mood for more than a few days..I have four kids so it is really hard on everyone.  I am usually super depressed, but am now weaning up on lamotragine, currently on 75 mgs, going up next week again, and it has really helped with the depression part.  I have been on antidepressants on and off my whole life, especially after each baby for post partem depression.  Cymbalta the most recent.  Trying to get off it, using prozac to do so.  One more week of prozac every other day then done both.  So in a nut shell, I am on topomax 125, going up on lamotragine, and almost done prozac to get off Cymalta.  My problem is that I am so overly anxious now I don't know what to do.  I am a crying mess.  Everything sets me off, I feel like I need to get so much done, but don't know where to start, sooo frusterated all the time, I tood serequel XR 50 previously which knocked the heck out of me and made me clench my jaw horribly so doc made me stop, but now I am such an anxious mess that I am taking clonazepam daily just so I can stay somewhat sane, and the idea of being sedated doesn't seem so bad! Once again with four kids the youngest being only 18 months old it is hard to not be with it.  I don't know if I will be able to go without an antidepressant as I have a problem with constant worries of dying and horrible things happening to people I love.  Can anyone relate or have any ideas of meds to try?  Any help would be appreciated greatly.  Thanks

[therese83]

I tried to leave you a note.  But 'it' wouldnt let me.

I wish you the best, you can find help here, you really can.

Look after yourself and try to cut out some 'me' time, then you can take care of your kids.

[freebird227]

Hi another rapid cycler matter of fact Im comming off a run now, Iwas interested in your obsession with death and dying. There are days all I have to do is open my eyes and its my first thought.  My coctail is 900mg lithium  o.5mg up to three a day of Colonazepan and at night 100mg. of Seroquel This has worked for me for a while.Especially with the anxiety. I don't like to change my meds.Meds are meds and thank God we have them but my mental illness is 2 fold. There are things I need to do to support my recovery.Physical mental and spiritual For me poping a pill is not the only one part of the solution...freebird

[RichReligion]

Find something to do that you're dominant in....dominate something...you need control and a little bit of power....LAUGH MORE.find a reason to laugh. Hug your family a lot..give lots of love..you have to counter this wicket demon with love...make your kids cookies, or popcorn ball and then attempt to talk to them softly...they'll be opent to listen, and it should make you fell better, temporarly...but its some peace.

For real..I have like no friends...they cant hang through the thick and then. but I just love everyone regardless now...

Listen to some tupac..lol...."so many tears", over and over again...

[LeftCoastChick]

Considering you've got kids, posting here is awesome, kudos to you!

Cymbalta can activate the rapid cycling, it's notorious for that, I ended up in the hospital because of it after only 3-4 weeks use. Prozac can do it too, but not as bad. Lamactil takes a while to get up to "therapeudic" ranges, took me 2 months to get to 200mgs, I'm at 250mgs. I'm on Seroquel, the regular one not the XR, as I'm a rapid cycler, it works, but I find now that the Lamactil has kicked in, it's not working so well, but it's good because if I need to take an extra dose, it's within guidelines, a lot of the AP/AA drugs you can't do that. Though being hypomanic is sure better then the depression, by yards. (I got a lot done today lol) I have heard some pretty bad things about the XR, I actually haven't heard anything good about it.  Going through both at the same time is like walking on jalepenos with a cut on your foot. I take ativan, I tried to get clonazepam, but my pdoc upped my Lamactil instead. Once you get levelled out, your anxious thinking should subside. You are also a mom and you care :)

I'm probably babbling, but it sounds like you are on the right track, but it's the just getting to your levels that's hard. Hang in there, a bunch of us check in here pretty often, and are awfully insightful.

[mrsches]

Thanks for the replies guys, it really helps just knowing that I'm not alone.  That is really hard, as I live in a really small town of 2500 people, and the word "bipolar" completely freaks everyone out.  Its really hard.  I tried reaching my doc today and she is now on "holidays" until the 12th of Jan.  Perfect.  I even tried calling the local doctor who is NOT good with bipolar issues, he says it is "in your head, you just need to calm down" and he is gone until the 10th too.!!  

[bernie40]

Hi, so glad you have found this site.  I can also relate to what you are going through, I'm a mum of 4, my youngest is now 6.  My first 3 were all very close together and I spent a good 6 years not at all "with it".

I'm still working on trying to find the right combination of meds for me - I also rapid cycle.  I can't take ADs as they send me either hyper, depressed or angry.  I'm now trying depakote and lithium but its early days.

Do you have a good support network around you?  This is so important, especially when you are juggling looking after 4 children and trying to cope with your mood swings.

If you can try and get hold of your psych tomorrow for a chat i would suggest definitely doing that.  The time of year, a) it being christmas and b) winter, could be exacerbating your feelings of desolation.

As BeeKeeper has said, hang in there, there are many of us who come on here daily, some less frequently but we all share the wish to help support others or come in need of support.

Hugs

[BeeKeeper]

Hi friend.  I can totally relate.  i also rapid cycle, am on cymbalta and 75mg lamictal twice a day getting ready to go up again if i can't level out.  I completely understnd being a mess.  i have three kids myself, the younst being 3 in about two weeks.  A lot of days I just feel "I'm not there".  I don't know how...and can't...just sanp out of it.  Was diagnosed BPII last April but really only started trying to control it with meds and therapy since around July.

I don't know what to tell you about the meds.  i would certainly make sure that you talk to your pdoc as soon as you can.  I would hope they would be able to tell you or give you something to stablize the anxiousness.

Best of regards to you.  there are some wonderful people here for advice or just to talk to.  hang in there...we all help each other each day.