Bipolar Men

Question

I'm wondering if there are men on this site that battle sexual urges when going through a manic phase?

Thanks,
Tase

proworldinc · Answer

I have recently had the bottom fall out of my world, everything I perceived as normal has been me lying and keeping secrets, and only when I look back on it with help do I actually see the problem.  Hyper states of sexual arousal for me happened all the time, and even though I had a normal sexual relationship with my wife, I was still looking for risky stuff, and homosexuality was one of those things I fantasized about and I am not homosexual.  Bouts of severe masturbation happened as well, sometimes in a day that was all I did, looking back, I wonder how I managed to cope.  I am now seeing a therapist and being properly diagnosed, so am confident that the future is much brighter now, but everything feels awfully dark at the moment and not sure how I will come out of this, my wife is standing by me for the time being, but only time will tell.

Renegade2005 · Answer

Thank you all for your posts (Barribjorn, Tase, Bisomething, monkeyc, etc) as I can relate to all of your sufferings and I too am seeking salvation. I'm a straight 31 y.o male but when manic all sex and pleasure hell breaks loose and I delve into the world of darkness like no other. Quick intro: Like some of you experienced, for me as a 7y.o child I had my first sexual molestation or stigmata or fondling whatever you want to call it where a guy was playing with his thing in public and had me watch him but luckily all I did was watch. Anyway more things happened at age 13 by an overpowering male but no intercourse. Seems all went well the next ten years though as I had gf's and progressed a normal straight life. When I was diagnosed BP 5 years ago it all made sense. Long story short: when I'm manic I not only have unprotected casual sex with so many random women day in day out but mania takes me to the oddest places like men bathhouses where I do everything except intercourse with other men (you can visualize). Seems mania turns me into a sexual animal where I want to do everything there is to do with sex whether with women or men or both or anything that brings mere pleasure, sky is my limit. But then when I'm back to in-synch or to my true senses I start feeling the shame the guilt and it kills me from inside and causes me to isolate myself for fear of looking into a loved one's eyes as I feel transparent and readable. As Barribjorn said it also leads me to lead a carefree life where I cut everyone off so I can practice all the sexual straight and homosexual taboos freely, but ofcourse I want a normal healthy life. Ofcourse like someone posted I too watch both straight and gay porn to exhaustion. All my relationships short or long were with women and I get emotionally and physically attracted to women, but when I'm in bed I fantasize about men alot but only sex related but I picture it all. As Bisomething said I feel I lost my true self as I don't what I am from all the countless sexual exposures I've had with both women and men. I cannot delete or deny what I do with men. If I was to analyze objectively I would say 70% BP minim(mental illness and chemical imbalance) and 30% childhood molestation manifesting over the years is what caused this sexual battle urges as Tase said. Which leads to say haha because how the hell am I supposed to redeem myself, have a normal healthy relationship or friendship with straight guys when I've engaged in countless homosexual activities - integrity if there's anything left of it..and the guilt and shame that cripples me day in day out..I'm drained
Your thoughts reflections and advice from health professionals or normal BP posters would be highly appreciated!
Thanks for listening

bisomething1962 · Answer

Thank you for writing ,, l am 50 yrs old now and yes bi- polar too
 l do the exact same things you do to, l can't get close to anyone, its like l have no emotions or feelings,, the part about being two different people,, yes me too,, when l am manic,, look out,, l fantasize about men and anal, rough sex, even fantasize about wanting to be raped too,, a huge turn on,, 
this has destroyed my life,, l was always a straight guy,,but now,, l don't know who l am anymore, l feel lost, have we become bi-sexual or have always been ,,or do we just pursue it when we get  manic ? 
 l feel when manic, my mind opens up to accept more risky sexual desirers

dmack123 · Answer

I feel that split like personality also and it really is scary. I am hetrosexual with some childhood memories of inappropriate fondling from a male who was older than me. In the manic stage I will get on  web site for hours and it seems like minutes loooking at as many men site as I can until I am exhausted. This risky behavior later increase to an actual encounter with a man. Afterward the shame, guilt and depression  was unbearable

Xila31 · Answer

I agree with Beekeeper in that when I am up I want to be with my husband and not other people. But I also have boarderline personality disorder as it turns out and an intense fear of losing the people I love. I can't even think about losing people without crying, (even if it just in my head and not real.) So not only do I love my husband and have no desire at all to be with other men or women even when I'm manic, but also knowing I would lose him completely for doing something like that, I never have any desire to stray. I guess that's how I'm different in this and why I probably went so long without a diagnosis, because I don't follow the exact textbook pattern. Also with my extreem anxiety, even when I'm manic my risky behavior is rather dull and boring.

jimgreg · Answer

see thats the thing here,,whewn were in maninc,,we do things on impulses..meaning if its wrong or wright it dont matter..so the sex at home could be the best..but just try to keep the man or woman home when this happens...ive only been full blown manic  1 time in 5 yrs..4 times hypomanic..they hit at the weirdest times...its crazy..i like the euphoria..but why ur in this state you dont ever think that your in it till you are full blown..and then when you start to fall,,you fall fast and hard....i agree with you though..i would hope that this would happen..buty im single..but if i was married  and had a great relationship..then i would do what i could to not go out and have sex with others..they say that bipolar is a chemical  imbalance..COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT A MANIC STATE  DOES TO A BP1 PERSON THATS DOWN 99.9%  OF THE ILLNESS..I   MY 1ST MANIC I   DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF COURSE I GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW....sex encounters..driving 90 mph in a 55  zone..crazy things...went and seen kin havent seen in awaile...everything thats listed in the text came true.....i never dreamed they new what they wrote...   BUT ITS A FACT....and maninc is like meds its difft for everyone....like you lose it for that time frame..... i rember going to the cvs pharmicy..the phamicist new me..her son is bp1..she could tell by my looks and achions that i was in the state of maninc..she said you will be comming down fast and very hard boy she wasent lieing

jimgreg · Answer

oh yes...i have a high sex drive wen im down..go figure..then when maninc its out of control..the thoughts are out there...my last maninc was to crazy on the sex...16 days high  just too dam much..

rogelio63 · Answer

I think it causes you to look elsewhere be it masturbation or whatever because your spouse has a "normal" sex drive and basically you annoy the heck out of them or they can't keep up with you.

BeeKeeper · Answer

So...how does hypersexuality make you cross the line if you already have a partner or spouse?  Wouldn't you think that it would make your love life at home better?  is it the hypersexuality that drives the risky behavior outside your relationship or something else?

cujo446 · Answer

Yes for sure, my sex drive goes nuts (no pun intended) and since I have an overinflated ego when I  am manic then more self-destructive behaviors start to come to the surface i.e. not using protection during a sexual encounter.

scochran · Answer

Oh yes...I know first hand about the hypersexuality.  I am Bipolar I, and recently had a manic episode that lasted about 1.5 months.  I would say that the hypersexuality was the one thing that I had the most problems dealing with.  It started about three weeks before any of the other symptoms did.  Right now, I am in the midst of coming down slowly - about 3/4 of the way back to normal, and I am still having the increased sex drive.  I have always had a high sex drive, but nothing like this.

rogelio63 · Answer

Ok,,I go a step further with the manic/odd different sexual desires.  When I'm manic,,I don't want a male, I want my wife to do me with a strap on!  I have no desire for homosexual sex but I know if I start to think about that again,,it could be a sign of oncoming mania.  Otherwise, it doesn't really interest me!  weird huh,,,at least I think it is,,,,

monkeyc · Answer

I am hypersexual and have increased sex drive during manic and hypomanic phases.  One of the signs I am in a depressive phase is loss of interest in sex.

Interestingly my clinical psych suggest that masturbating is very effective in therapy for a number of states including insommnia and anxiety - she has seen a number of male and female patients for whom fantasy and masturbation work very well as therpautic steps when hyper sexuality is present as well.

As to sexuality, I am married and heterosexual but I have had same sex experiences in the past and would describe myself as situationally bi - I don't think its got a lot to do with bp but I think hypersexuality may increase openness in this area and interest in sexual partners regardless of sex in some people.

ILADVOCATE · Answer

I think I could comment as even though I am straight and have a girlfriend as one agency I did part time work for years ago did work with Gay Men's Health Crisis. There is a whole spectrum of attraction as regards sexual preference. Just as sexual preference is not to be confused with gender identity of which there is a whole spectrum there as well. I am straight and identity as a guy and dress normally but some of me does not identify as male though again I don't know whether that's from a traumatic childhood experience or some genetic disposition or both though I know that this experience has caused some form of sexual aversion disorder in me. 
   What's more important to me and something that GMHC did work on was the idea of promoting safe sex and the issue of risk taking sexual behavior during emergent mania is one they did address as they had some groups there for mental health consumers and it was a very serious matter as some people (including straight people) had contracted HIV by not practicing safe sex and it occured as part of the "risk taking" behavior that is highly common in manic episodes in general.

LetaB · Answer

You must be a very lonely man....
  I think it would be a mistake to give the impression here that ALL bisexuality is practiced by only bipolar people. I have found this discussion very interesting as my boyfriend is - in theory - bisexual. Oh, he has delved into this sexual proclivity many times in the past but when he is with a physically affectionate female (moi) you can't pay him to go there (and I've tried). Does this mean then that he is bipolar...hmmm...I must say I HAVE considered it (for other reasons).

ILADVOCATE · Answer

I agree with everyone's post and certainly hypersexuality can be a problem. I've experienced it when off mood stabilizers (I have schizoaffective) which is something I would never do again but did before recovery. I am straight but do have some kind of gender identity issue that emerges during mania. I'm not sure if that's inherited or because I experienced childhood sexual abuse. The only thing I don't agree with as regards the posts is the idea that sexual orientation emerges only during mania. A person be bisexual and feel uncomfortable with or repress sexual desires towards the same sex and they only emerge during the disinhibition of mania. Since sexual preference is not in any way defined as a psychiatric disability, its better to come to terms with it emotionally. If someone doesn't want to express it that's fine but if they accept that side of themselves, its probably for the best. Mania does cause sexual disinhibition but it doesn't change sexual preference. 
   I'd say as a concern far greater than sexual preference during mania is not using protection during sex. As well in "experimentation" a woman is more at risk of getting taken advantage of and a man is more likely to be sexual aggressive but as not to be stereotypical I suppose it could work the other way around. If people are taking mood stabilizers as prescribed but still have mood variances that cause sexual behavior that may fall in this category if things can't be adjusted its best to talk to a therapist about what to do during those times though consenting adult and safe sex must always apply regardless.

tienkou · Answer

I am a gay male and I find in depression I need more "attention"  I find untouchable straight males more attractive.  Then get depressed they are untouchable.  God forbid one responded the way it plays out in my mind.  But yeah I have to agree sexuality is a blurry line.  It is the risk that is the turn on not the preference. When I am running normal I find straight men rude and annoying (no offense but I do).  Don't get my warped mind started on the ladies. (Sorry Mom)

Barribjorn · Answer

I think it falls under the risky behavior category... We want to "act out" what we normally do not do. I have the compulsions to have sex as much as I can, or sex overides all my normal thinking. Unless of course one of the other high risk categories takes over. Like driving fast, gambling, it all stems from the push the envelope of "bad" behaviors rush....

I mean what can be more exciting than finding a quick fix, dropping it, and driving of fast to the next chase. I like the hunt and chase when manic, once I get the sex, I am not very pleased with it or myself...

cheeklollipop · Answer

i im a 25yr old female in a very loving relationship with a man that i love more anything in the whole world but when im manic i only want to have sex with women im not bisexual as when im in a normal state i have no interest in women at all. so yes i think you can have homosexual impulses when manic

Barribjorn · Answer

Those impulses are quite normal, Sexuality is not as markedly black and white as we make it. I think the real urge is the taboo. Forbidden pleasures get us higher. Higher is the state of mania and the mind loe it, so does the body. I to feel like two different people sometimes. I am just one though, but I do wonder. Kinda like Tyler Durden was Jack's mania. I too have mine and sexual impule ranks almost the highest in need.

tase · Answer

What about a heterosexual having homosexual impulses??  My md thinks that has to do with the hypersexuality of manic phase.  I have to wonder if part of the manic high is doing things that are risky, out-of- the norm, doing the opposite of how you are normally that give a rush.  I think about being carefree which means giving up the family and being by myself doing what I want no matter the consequences.  I feel as if during a manic phase I have a split personality and one struggles against the other...sounds crazy but I'm not supposed to use the crazy word.  but......   I appreciate your thoughts..and any input is appreciated.

Barribjorn · Answer

Hypersexuality is well documented among bipolar people, men seem to have a higher want for sex at least physically, so we seek what makes us feel good and full of more chems that make us untouchable. Mania is a cruel mistress..